News from The RADish Ranch

Does this character remind you of anyone in your home? A sweet looking face with a body that smells awful and who you approach with caution?

Many of our kids with Reactive Attachment Disorder use a safety mechanism that I call "Skunk Safety." When our kiddos are so afraid of love and of being hurt again, they use everything they can to keep themselves emotionally and physically safe. Poor or nonexistent hygiene has likely been a safety mechanism in their past - if they smelled bad no one came close enough to hurt them. If they smelled bad no one came close enough to love them and break their heart.

When you can learn to accept the smell as the reason your child has survived and is still fighting for life, you'll be able to parent them through the rough spots and get them to the point where they don't feel the need to smell bad anymore.

Some kids get over it quickly, and some take a long time. I know how hard it can be to learn to accept this aspect of your child's survival, so here are some ways to deal with the smell and keep your sanity.

Stay safe and enjoy!

Karen Poitras

President & Founder of The RADish Ranch

First off, let your child know that it's ok with you if they smell... interesting. You love them clean or dirty, perfumey or stinky.

Once you can understand the reason behind the smelling and what it means to your child, the strong smells can be a strong reminder of what your child has overcome, how much inner strength they have, and how much connection and brain healing they need.

Giving your child a bath is a great way to get them clean and smelling good while showing them you care about their health and getting to spend some bonding time with them. Pretend your child is a toddler and you're showing them (by actions, not words) how to take care of their hygiene.

(If your child is older having them wear a bathing suit in the tub can help them feel more comfortable.)

Add lots of bubble soap and use a soft wash cloth to scrub your little one clean while you sing to them or tell them a story. Wash their hair and give them a fancy, frothy hairdo or two. Dry them off in a big fluffy towel with gentle tickles and lots of cuddles.

Some littles might need this to be a weekly ritual for awhile, and some may only need it once in a while.

DO NOT use it as a "you can't do this so I have to do it for you" kinda thing, and if it feels like a chore than don't do it. This should be a time of love and bonding between parent and child, the cleanliness just being a bonus.

It can be so hard to hug your little one or want to snuggle them when they are giving off skunk fumes, but this is a time when they need it the most.

Have a couple of "snuggle towels" placed around your house to have on hand. I like to grab a stack of towels at the second hand store so that I'm not worried about ruining "good" towels. (If you have a big child who needs this a twin-size flat sheet also works well.) Hooded towels are great for those with crusty hair.

Any time you hug your child or have them in your lap for snuggle time or a story, wrap them up in a towel like a burrito. It keeps the smell in, keeps you clean, and is cozy for your child.

It's very tempting to want to take over caring about your child's hygiene and make them smell good or punish or shame them for not smelling good. None of that will help the least little bit, trust me.

When you child is feeling safe (emotionally and physically) and they have all 10 units of concern for their hygiene, they will start to care about themselves and how they smell. (Read about the 10 Units of Concern HERE.)

Try out some new words when talking about the smell of your child. Mix it up and add in some humour!

Misplacement of pee is a common behaviour and has a lingering smell. Check out our archived newsletters to learn all about pee and how to deal with it:

Chapter One: Pee, Pee, Pee: https://conta.cc/3hcRISg

Chapter Two: Pee, Pee, Pee: https://conta.cc/2BRgMy1

Candles. Find a candle that you love the smell of and keep it for times when your house (or the area around your little person) needs a smell boost.

Scented cleaners. Get a fresh, lovely smelling household cleaner that you like the smell of and use it for wiping down floors or walls. This can really help eliminate smells from your home. I love using Pine Sol (long-lasting smell) and anything citrus scented.

Vinegar. If you have pee smells around or really dirty, body odor clothes, vinegar does a great job getting the smell out. However, your house will smell like vinegar after this, so spraying some air freshener around is helpful.

Air Fresheners. Keep a couple of bottles on hand. I like to have a couple of industrial strength ones to use in rooms, and a natural one to use on little people.

Essential oils. These can also be a great way to keep your house smelling good! Use in a diffuser or mix in a spay bottle with water and spritz your house and family members. (If the oils will be in contact with children's skin, be sure to use a therapeutic grade oil to avoid any irritation.)

Baking. This serves a double purpose: your house smells lovely AND you get good things to eat! Made from scratch or from a package, both smell wonderful. Bread, cookies, and brownies are my go-tos.

Check out this article for more ideas: 15 Simple Ways to Make Your Home Smell Amazing.

As much as your child needs you to accept them with their lack of hygiene and interesting body odors, they also need loving consequences for their actions (or lack of them) to learn adaptive ways of living.

While it's ok with you that they don't shower or wash and need to use that as a protective mechanism, your child still needs to learn that the actions they choose (not showering) are not free from the consequences attached.

Some of the consequences that come with the skunk scent are:

More information and registration is here: www.theradishranch.org/online-parenting-course/

More information and registration in available here: www.theradishranch.org/online-respite-provider-course/

Follow us on Facebook and Instagram

“Behold, I will bring health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth.”

The RADish Ranch | www.theradishranch.org | info@theradishranch.org

Programs | Donate | Bookstore | About | What is RAD?