“Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were marked with a seal for the day of redemption. Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:29-32
It was a social gathering of highly accomplished, well-educated professionals; the kind of gathering where with wine glasses in hand, the cotillion trained, socially adept peers weave their way into conversation circles with the subtle tones of the George Shearing Quintet emanating from ceiling speakers, freshening the air with a note of class. Typically, the conversation topics gently meander across the socially safe topics of home renovations, children’s professional lives, grandchild soccer fortunes, college memories, and holiday plans. Hors d’oeuvres are circulated in the same way Bingo cards will be to the same crowd in twenty years. Long-term friendships are sustained in this way through seasons of weal and woe, and yet, there are exceptions, particularly in this toxic season of political and social polarization, and this night would be one of those exceptions.
It’s hard to know what in the conversation lit the fuse to set her off, or was it just someone’s mid-sentence pause to breathe that gave her an opening to self-righteously propagate the certitude of her convictions about the impending election and her chosen candidate. With each thought her volume rose as did her anger toward the unidentified fools unworthy of breathing the same air as her. Call it a rant, a tirade, a spleen lacerating diatribe by someone who did not read the room, or didn’t care how others might receive her malevolence. I know I would have sunk even further into my desperate impersonation of wallpaper, but I’m not Nancy.
Nancy is a strong woman of faith with an unfailingly tender heart. She raised four boys, which even if all goes well could be described as piloting a ship through a thirty year hurricane, and yet, Nancy is that rare soul who, in the middle of the storm could serenely carry on a conversation, calmly inquiring about your mother’s hip replacement. Unruffled. Kind. Steady. Thoughtful. However, even for her, there is a tipping point when tolerance of the intolerant cannot remain silent. Thus, still without rancor, but with clarity and strength, Nancy addressed the raving malcontent –– “You can either be right, or you can be kind.”
“You can either be right or you can be kind.” Thus endeth the whine of self-righteousness … immediately. The angry diatribe ceased instantly, for the self-righteous have no retort when confounded by grace. Even Jesus’ enemies would be left silent when Jesus exposed their intolerance when he asked them about John the Baptist –– They discussed it among themselves and said, “If we say, ‘From heaven,’ he will ask, ‘Then why didn’t you believe him?’ But if we say, ‘Of human origin’—we are afraid of the people, for they all hold that John was a prophet.”
“”You can either be right, or you can be kind.” When the tension rises over worldviews, opinions, convictions, and attitudes, let us remember Nancy and her voice.
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