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As someone who has multiple times in her life been addiction adjacent, I am very familiar with the frustration and devastation that is felt when someone won’t “just stop” their behaviors that are tearing their life apart. “Just stop what you’re doing”, isn’t the answer, obviously. There is so much that goes into addiction: past trauma, current trauma, lack of sleep, depression, anxiety, brain chemistry, etc. We talk to, try to reason with, provide evidence, provide our own emotional concerns about what their actions are doing to us, and time and time again, it seems to fall on deaf ears. More times than not, what we say and do to try to get someone to change, is not the catalyst for them to do the hardest thing they’ve ever done: fight to overcome their addiction.
So, what can you do if everything you’ve tried so far hasn’t made a dent in their actions and behaviors? Just be there… Convey to them that while you can’t support their lifestyle currently, you will be there for the time they begin to get sober curious. As painful as it is, your presence isn’t doing anything to help them currently, so maybe the best thing you can do is begin to distance yourself, to make sure you are the best version of yourself, so that when they are ready, you are ready to do all you can to support them. Let them know that while it breaks your heart to walk away from them in their current state, you will always be one phone call away when they feel it’s time for treatment or their first meeting. Just be there.
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