My daughter Scarlette got me started on “Young Sheldon,” a TV series about a child prodigy whose social skills and emotional maturity are decidedly NOT prodigious.  The kid is smart though.

While I’ve enjoyed catching episodes to relax at the end of the day, I’m getting a little  tired of Sheldon.  I’d rather see more of his twin sister, whose character is actually changing and maturing in the series.  Sheldon would be fine in a two-hour comedy movie—but season after season, for six years?  Too grating on the nerves.

Which leads me to today’s topic:  Social Skills.  Young Sheldon isn’t the only one around who could use a little mentoring.  (Okay, that last sentence was socially awkward, but I’m sure all my readers know a person or two who could use a little social improvement.)

I have developed the following “Social Skills Quiz” so my readers can see how they fare on the scale. Please answer honestly, picking only ONE answer per question. The relevant social skill for each question is in parenthesis.

1.      (Being present while being present)  If you are sitting at a table with someone who is choking on a banana, what should you do?  A) Yell at them for eating too fast; B) Pay attention to see if your assistance requires the Heimlich maneuver or perhaps a glass of water; or C) vigorously shove another banana down their throat in hopes of dislodging the first one.

2.     (Communicate one’s thoughts in words that make sense to your listener)  If you are trying to share a religious conviction you have with someone who doesn’t seem to get it: A) Throw in some extra pious language and a few Greek words from the original text of Matthew; B) Seek out words and experiences you have in common with the other person and see if you can explain your thoughts another way—then give them time to respond; or C) Threaten them with eternal damnation if they don’t get onboard. 

3.     (Exercise self-control and patience in tense situations)  If the person around you keeps going on and on, adoring a political candidate you abhor: A) Tell them in no uncertain terms what a jerk their idol is; B) say “Hey, How ’bout that weather yesterday!” to change the subject; or C) pretend that you are choking on a banana to get them to shut up.

4.     (Know how to respectfully influence others)  If you are trying to persuade your teenager to take schoolwork more seriously:  A) Take away all their eating privileges until they get their grades up; B) learn the complexity of their self-interests and offer incentives (or legal disincentives) along with pointing out how what you want and what they want are compatible; or C) Don’t even try—KID’S TODAY—who can do anything!

5.     (Imagine yourself in their shoes)  Your child is snappy with you and procrastinates when you ask them to do a chore:  A) Start insulting them, pointing out that this proves they hate America, pose a threat to democracy, love lies, are undermining our way of life, and encouraging our international enemies; B) Remember that children are 95% emotion, and navigate their emotions, not yours, as you pull them into doing the essential things responsible children need to do; or C) Just leave home for a week and see how they like it when you don’t do your chores.

6.     (Take responsibility for one’s own actions, messes, and screwups)  When you report in to your gym coach once a week, after agreeing to do exercises in between coaching sessions... but you have gained ten pounds and haven’t gotten off the couch the whole week:  A) Tell your coach you’ve had the flu all week.  Plus, you twisted your ankle at the last session with him.  And you lost your gym pass.  And your therapist told you to not leave the house for a week.  B) Tell the truth.  Acknowledge that you didn’t make wise choices and that your coach is an important accountability partner for you and that you betrayed that relationship; or C) Just keep lying on the couch and call in sick for as long as it takes for you to get around to losing those 10 pounds—before you show your face in the gym again.

7.     (Setting boundaries for yourself and others)  You have a family member who is constantly controlling, hot-headed, and even bullying sometimes:  A) Increase your intake of comfort food in order to compensate for all the trouble this person brings you; B) Express your feelings in writing, so as to be clear and avoid interruption, set boundaries for yourself of what you will not do or say—no matter what, and put yourself in a safe “time-out” (leave) for a while until the situation cools down; or C) Enlist as many sympathetic supporters for your side—behind the offender’s back--gossip and complaining will solve everything.

8.     (Don’t ask someone to do something you will not do yourself)  If you are a teacher, preacher, or parent—and you are trying to get your “subordinates” to live up to your standards:  A) Start every demand with a disclaimer, “Do as I say, not as I do;" B) Unless you are physically or mentally incapacitated, set an example by doing the same thing you are asking them to do.  If you don’t have the ability—then acknowledge that and give the rationale for why you are asking them to do something you can’t; or C) Scream loudly at them, knowing that you are pushing them for their own good.

9.     (Handle potentially embarrassing criticisms in private)  Your preacher has once again laid a dud sermon on the congregation.  It was so bad, you wanted to find the offering plate after worship and get change back:  A) As you shake hands at the door, ask for your money back; B) Set up a private meeting with the preacher and explain why you are having trouble getting anything out of the sermon—and offer just a couple suggestions that will help you have a better experience; or C) Ask to preach the sermon yourself the next week and use it to surprise everyone with your astute assessment of the preacher's abilities.

10.  (Display loyalty and reliability)  A friend is going through a rough time, doesn’t seem to be themselves lately, and you are starting to feel awkward, judgmental, or just simply at a loss for words:  A)  Be sure and let them know all the ways that you would handle matters differently; B) Be doubly diligent about following the friendship pattern you have been following—even if the friend is letting you down, assuring them of your steadfastness no matter what; or C) Hold auditions for a new friend--one who will be drama-free.

11.  (Skilled use of humor and compromise to deescalate tensions)  Two colleagues at work are at odds over a critical decision, and you are in the middle of it:  A) Pander to each of them behind the other one’s back and cut loose with put-down humor—playing to your audience at the time; B) Draw from your repertoire of self-deprecating humor to less the situation and work quietly to build a compromise that helps both people save face; or C) They’re both idiots, so insult them both and insist on your way—you clearly know best.

12.  (Maintaining self-confidence without arrogance)  You are the leader of a group that has to face a difficult decision.  The other members of your group are pessimistic, negative, and disheartened:  A) They are right.  Cut your losses and go along with the crowd;  B) List the assets, resources, and skills your group possesses—both individually and collectively, recall past accomplishments, focus on your own strengths, and rally others around a positive plan; or C) They are useless.  Just do the work yourself.  

Okay—tabulate your answers.  If you checked “B” most of the time, congratulations—you have a high degree of social skill.  

If you checked “A” or “C” very often, you may be a "Sheldon." 

If you tell me you are never tempted by solutions “A” or “C,” you are probably a liar. Oops--I should have thought of a more skillful way to say that last sentence. I'll go back to working on my own social progress I guess.