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"Yes, Mom/Dad"
There are so, so many benefits to having your child respond with "Yes, Mom/Dad" after you tell them something. The biggest benefit is the relationship piece that it adds in: when you tell your child something and they need to respond to you, it teaches the back-and-forth part of relationships, and instructions to your child now become a part of relationship building!
Other benefits include:
- Verbalizing "yes" - a positive - helps your child develop a more positive mindset (the more they do this, the better!).
- Verbalizing a positive and your parent title (Mom/Dad) helps your child connect parent+positive thought! A win-win.
- Your child must focus on you as a parent and on what you are saying in order to know when it's their turn to respond.
- As a parent, you receive confirmation that your child heard you when you tell them something.
"I want you to"
This phrase helps to cut out arguments and control battles. Anytime you tell your child to do something, instead of asking (to which your child can say no, or argue about it), use "I want you to..." When you say "I want you to pick up your jacket," there is nothing for your child to argue with, as it is simply a statement. Statements, or commands, also prime the brain for compliance, giving your child's brain a boost in the right direction!
"Good job telling the truth"
This is a phrase used in our Safety Check Protocol behaviour intervention. When your child has taken responsibility for their behaviour, using the phrase "Good job telling the truth!" gives your child positive affirmations and helps them recognize the benefits of truth-telling for their own healing and progress.
Therapeutic language avoids the use of "thank you" when a child takes responsibility, as this makes a child think they have told the truth to benefit their parent, rather than recognizing how beneficial it is for their own self.
"Good choice"
This phrase is great to use when your child moves away from a poor or negative choice and makes a good one, such as choosing to follow instructions, choosing to do their brain shifter, choosing to walk on their own two feet, etc.
Saying "good choice" helps to put the choice decision on your child and to help them recognize when they have made a good choice. This phrase also helps parents to skip the ineffective lectures! :D
"What are you going to do about this?"
Ask this with genuine curiosity and empathy when your child gets themselves into a problem. This question gives your child the opportunity to problem solve while you support them. It is always interesting to hear what sort of solutions they come up with!
Using this phrase helps to put the responsibility of the problem and solution onto your child, while giving you as the parent the opportunity to support them, encourage them, and celebrate with them when they figure out a solution.
"Would you like some advice?"
Sometimes we see our kiddos struggling with a job or problem, and (as healthy brained adults) we know there is a better way to do it. However, offering unsolicited advice is not usually helpful, as your child may feel dumb for not figuring it out on their own, and their opportunities to problem solve and build logic and reasoning are cut short.
Asking "Would you like some advice?" is a great way to offer your knowledge in a non-threatening way. The important part of this? Listen to your child's answer. If they say no, don't give them your advice! If they say yes, ask them leading questions or share a time when you faced a similar problem and found a solution that worked for you.
Either way, your child may or may not end up taking your advice, and that's ok. Give them a hug and let the figure it out.
"That must be hard/sad/upsetting for you"
Recognizing your child's hard feelings with empathy will help your child to start recognizing their own feelings, as well as to recognize that those feeling are ok to have.
This phrase is great to use in those times when you want to say "I told you so" or when you want to give a lecture that you have given so many times before about inappropriate/maladaptive behaviours.
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