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Day 6: LEARN TO LISTEN BETTER

Think of people you admire: a leader, a mentor, someone you respect. What do all these people have in common? Likely, they are good at the skill, art, craft, and science of listening. If you want to be respected, stop talking and start listening -- and not pretend listen -- genuine, appreciative and open-minded listening.

How does this apply to conflict resolution?

Once you have the attention of the person with whom you have a conflict, don’t work on

preparing your argument. Put your energy and focus towards listening.

Listen to understand, not to respond.

Just like any skill, with practice, you can develop your listening muscles.

Here are some tips to help guide your journey to better listening.

Listening Tips:

Do:

-> Face the person. If you are on the phone, imagine their face.

-> Turn off your other thoughts. 

-> Create pictures in your mind of what the person is saying.

-> Find a good place for a talk - don't try to multitask!

Think about:

-> What are they saying? What are they not saying?

-> Why are they telling you this?

-> What do they seek from you as the listener?

-> What are you learning about the person? 

-> Find figurative language: do they use sports, gardening, or travel metaphors?

Remember: we are social beings. Two people talking is a balm for life's wounds. Listening equals empathy. Blood pressure improves. Adrenaline and stress response returns to neutral. Muscles relax. Breathing calms. A warm feeling of calm develops. Trust builds. Respect increases.

And here's the surprising part: when you open your mind to listen to another person, it benefits you, too -- the listener receives all the above positive effects along with the listened to person. We mirror each other's status when we spend time together, and it's pretty amazing the actual physical and psychological effects that listening can have.

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Martha’s Vineyard Mediation Center

15 Merchant’s Court #5, PO Box 761

Vineyard Haven, MA 02568 info@mvmediation.org | 508.693.2999

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