March 2024
"With God, Love Endures the Ages" was the theme of our recent LoveStrong retreat. Dedicated to strengthening good marriages, and bringing retreatants closer to Christ as a couple, we reflect on our weekend experience. |
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Easing a Couple into a Relationship |
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It is very rare that a couple can go somewhere to be with a group of couples for a whole weekend and come home after three days with a deeper appreciation of and respect for themselves as individuals and as couples. The ‘secret sauce’ is understanding their marriage commitment embedded with the love and presence of Christ.
I returned from the retreat overwhelmed, I admit, that there can be so much love present in a relationship. It quickened my heart, opening it to a deeper understanding and experience of divine and human love, relationship, and intimacy. As one of the speakers said, “Marital Bliss is having each other and God with us.” As the retreat experiences soothed my past (even pre- marriage) hurts and resentments, I felt free to now be more tender with my spouse.
Certainly not all couples live day in and day out in marital bliss. Here is, I think, where the theme of this particular weekend takes shape: “With God, Love Endures the Ages”. Even in traumatic periods (ages) of pain, misfortune, and heartache, LoveStrong couples endure with God who keeps the cord of their relationship tied tightly. We heard stories of those marriage ties never breaking through it all.
Now, this extrovert (me) really enjoyed meeting couples who could laugh and play. Some of the activities and games were hilarious, mostly because I could see myself in them. All the while, presentations were substantially leading to the development of a stronger marriage relationship: God, husband, and wife.
-by Jan
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“Some are already blessed with the knowledge of their brokenness. They are way ahead of the game. The rest of us are addicted to looking good.”
- Gregory Floyd*
There was so much impressive about the LoveStrong Marriage retreat: the thorough planning, the good music, the times of humor and the deeply moving talks presented by a number of couples. But what touched me most was the honesty and vulnerability of the couples who told their stories.
Their stories were stories of successful, happy marriages. But they were honest about the struggles along the way. Some acknowledged selfishness or pride. Others confessed past infidelity. Many reflected on the scars they carried from previous relationships or from their families of origin. None of them were addicted to looking good. And that helped the rest of us admit our brokenness, too.
One speaker said the strongest lesson they learned while growing up was that they could never count on anyone else. That couple talked about communication, and the challenges they faced when one came from that “default” position. They helped me recognize something in myself.
Both of my parents, each in their own way, were fiercely independent. My father was silent, spoke little, guarding his thoughts and feelings. My mother was the talker, letting you know repeatedly that her way of doing anything was the right way to do it. As Jan might tell you, I have inherited a good bit of both.
I have also been addicted to looking good. Like my father, I fear if I reveal too much of myself, I might reveal my flaws. So, I keep things bottled up inside. Like my mother, I always seek to project self-assured confidence, even if I may be in over my head. What often looks like pure stubbornness (and probably sometime is!), is that fierce independence once again rearing its head.
Jan and I are still working on our marriage, after nearly 20 years. We were greatly encouraged by the other couples, all working on their marriages, who dared to share their stories of brokenness and struggle, so that we might be more open, too.
-- by Bill
*Unforgettable: How Remembering God’s Presence in Our Past Brings Hope to Our Future (Paraclete Press, 2022), p. 36.
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Update on Evelyn
No news since our last update:
Last summer, we told you about Evelyn, a teen in Guatemala, whom we sponsor through Unbound. She had vision difficulties, and her family needed additional financial help for further diagnosis and treatment. Several of you generously responded.
Just before Christmas, we received a letter from Evelyn. After follow-up exams in November, cataract surgery is still recommended, and will probably be scheduled for January or February. Her doctors are consulting further about best practices; although such surgery is routine for adults, it is unusual for teenagers. (Evelyn just turned 14 on December 27.) Please continue to keep Evelyn and her family in your prayers.
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Sincerely,
Bill Howden and Jan Davis
Soul Windows Ministries
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