|
Differentiation
“Differentiation of self is a construct that refers to a personal level of
maturity capable of balancing thoughts with feelings, and connection with
independence in relationships.” (David Hooper) “Self-differentiation is the capacity to be an ‘I’ while remaining connected.” (Ed Friedman) “The ability to remain connected in relationship to significant people in our lives and yet not have our reactions and behavior determined by them.” (Jim Herrington & Trisha Taylor) “The ability to state clearly our position without suggesting that others need to have the same position.” (Paul Boers)
In order for me to be me, we must be separate and connected, so that you may also be you. Jesus modeled self-differentiated leadership. He was responsible for his own destiny and resisted getting swept up in the anger and anxiety of those around him.
The African concept of Ubuntu states “I am I because you are you” and/or “I am I because we all are.” The Hindu greeting of Namaste means “the sacred in me recognizes the sacred in you.” In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus often said: “You have heard it said… but I say to you.” Each moment depends on recognizing the sacred space between individuals, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
| 
