Keys to Attracting the Cream of the Crap
Start with a Generic Job Title
Never post a job that sounds interesting, challenging, or new. Try old, reliable titles like these: "Salesperson", "Network Engineer" or "Outside Sales".
Avoid the "S" Word
You can attract lazy, unmotivated candidates by avoiding the "S" word in your job description. This  implies hard work, commitment, and accountability. Use these euphemisms instead: Business Development", "Customer Advocate" and "Program Management". Imply the job is so easy, sales will practically close themselves. "Swivel Chair Salespeople" will be beating down your door for a sweet deal like that.
Traditional Values
Let your candidates know up front what they'll be getting from your company: nothing. Employ these euphemisms for "Bupkes":
Make it All About You
List all the awards your company has won. Detail all the industry accolades. Mention every Top 50 and Hot 100 list you've ever  attained. Don't forget your Rotarian of the Year award. Even the most self-centered, narcissistic Generation Xer will be impressed.
Stress Requirements, not Benefits
Be sure to require advanced degrees and certifications, and use acronyms whenever possible. Stay away from "landmine" issues such as career path, training, and personal development.
Utilize Buzzwords and Jargon
Toss in plenty of buzzwords and industry jargon. After all, you want salespeople and engineers who can sling it with the best. Objectively synthesize high-impact functionalities and efficiently facilitate competitive ROI. Having trouble? Here is a BS gener-ator to better describe your job requirements: BS Generator
Motherhood and Apple Pie
Point out your company has the best products, the best service, and the best value. Quality is Job One.  Customer satisfaction is the name of the game. Your products are all leading edge. You are the best company at being the best.
When you employ these time-tested tactics, you'll get immediate results. Losers, misfits, and retreads will be auto-replying to your job posts within nanoseconds of your Craigslist ad. Your eyes will glaze over with excitement as you try to decide which bottom-feeder to hire first. These candidates can't wait to start underperforming, so act now and write your own terrible employment ad!
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"Stump the Chump"
 Here is your chance to see if you are as smart as you think you are. Think of a difficult or impossible Sales Management problem (e.g. "How can I motivate my salespeople to enter their opportunities into CRM?). Enter it into the question box below. Mike will provide deep insight into your dilema, based on his 25 years of Sales Management experience. Or not. It depends on how silly the question is.
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