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1 (855) 894-5658
December 2023
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Dear EricsHouse Community,
Welcome to December 2023! This year has brought us closer together. The community at EricsHouse is truly special. We are filled with gratitude for our Members, Donors, Grief Companions, Facilitators, and Volunteers. The connections made continually warm our hearts. We turn to each to one another to heal and share. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your support.
We are sending hugs and comfort to those grieving
this Holiday season. Do not hesitate to reach out to us.
We are here for you!
-EricsHouse
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An from our Founder-
Marianne Gouveia
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Sibling Grief
Losing someone you love creates immense pain and it is difficult to work through our deep feelings of grief. When you lose a sibling, you face an especially challenging journey of healing. Regardless of where you are in the birth order – younger or older -- your experience and relationship with your sibling is unique to you. And when they leave us too soon, we grieve. But we are often left to grieve alone.
Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a respected author and educator on the topic of healing in grief – explains the difference between grieving and mourning...
“To grieve is to experience thoughts and feelings of loss inside you. If you loved your sibling, you will grieve. To mourn is to express your grief outside of yourself. Over time and with the support of others, to mourn is to heal.”
Our relationships with our siblings are not always perfect. They can be complex yet layered with intense feelings of love. Your brother or sister could be your best friend and at the same time your rival. Nonetheless, we have a long history with our siblings and their death can shatter our world, leaving us to face a difficult and complex set of emotions.
Siblings are often considered the “forgotten mourners." Practitioners and researchers in the field of psychology have not studied the special relationship between siblings and how death impacts siblings. But here are some thoughts about how you can cope after the loss of your brother or sister.
- Recognize that you will grieve differently than others in your family, especially your parents. Try to allow yourself to support the family’s individual grief responses, but also recognize that you are also grieving. Give yourself the time and space to sit with your grief and work through your own healing process. Allow yourself to mourn your loss openly and honestly and without judgment.
- Allow yourself to talk about your sibling and engage in memories by looking through photographs and videos. Sometimes this can be painful but remember that these painful feelings lead to healing and can also give you comfort. Try to keep a box of “linking objects” so that you can remember your brother or sister with feelings of love.
- You are the expert in your own grief. You carry the knowledge of how your grief lives inside of you. Because of this, we often feel like others don’t understand our pain and we may tend to isolate ourselves.
- While our grief is unique to us, there are others to have experienced similar losses and walked their own painful journey of loss. Finding these individuals who can bring compassion, empathy, and support can lead to healing. Finding a community of like-minded grievers is an important part of the healing process because these relationships allow you to grief authentically.
- Last, remember that the love you shared with your sibling will never die. Love is eternal. And the same is true with your history and your memories. You will always have them to remember what your brother or sister brought to your life.
Grief and love are two different sides of the same coin. Love on one side, and grief on the other. I have lost three siblings to various illnesses, and while I miss them each and every day, I remember the immense love we shared and the memories of our lives together. I also know that my grief is sacred, something which I hold in highest honor. When I miss them – Jimmy, Lois, and Ree – I flip the coin and remember some of the best moments in my life are moments I shared with them. I wish the same for you.
Much Love,
Marianne Gouveia
Founder and Chairman
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This video with Dr. Alan Wolfelt explores the important topic of allowing yourself to be vulnerable during the holiday season. |
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Grief, Spirituality, and the Holidays
by Greg Eckerman
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I think it’s worth taking a step back in our grief journeys as we encounter the holidays. We need to put them in perspective.
So much of the original intent behind holiday celebrations seems to get lost in our high-speed lives. The holidays get commercialized and distorted to other ends. It’s easy to lose sight of the essence. I suspect that one of the things that makes the holidays difficult for many grievers is the awareness of the triviality of much of what we currently force into our celebrations of them.
In profound grief, we come to question long held beliefs and traditions – especially those relating to our spiritual lives. Suffering traumatic loss often leads us to confront and rethink our basic beliefs about death, the afterlife, religion, and God (or whatever designation you use for your higher power). These deeply spiritual questions may overwhelm us at times, but they also present a path forward.
Traumatic loss forces us to confront spiritual questions that we may have been avoiding or simply too busy to confront. To move forward, we must address questions that get to the very heart and meaning of life: Who am I (now)? Why am I here? What is my purpose?
Grief over traumatic loss is often complicated. Your suffering over the loss of your loved one may be compounded by the loss of your connection with God.
Remember why the holidays can be so painful.
Remember the special place the holidays held for those we’ve loved and lost. The pain you feel is a precise measure of the love behind it.
My wish for you all this holiday season is that you find some measure of peace, clarity about the deeper meanings behind the season, and that you are able to invite those you’ve loved and lost into your celebrations.
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Navigating Conversations After Suicide Loss
An Interview with Marianne Gouveia and Caro Brookings
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Blue Christmas provides a place of solace and support during a challenging season for some. The service acknowledges feelings of loss, loneliness, or hardship during the holidays. Through comforting music, reflections, and a warm community, the purpose of Blue Christmas is to bring comfort and understanding to those finding this time difficult.
Where: December 10 at 6pm at the Gilbert campus
Central Christian Church
965 E Germann Road Gilbert, AZ 85297
An evening of compassion, connection, and healing.
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The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting on the 2nd Sunday in December unites family and friends around the globe in lighting candles for one hour to honor the memories of the sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, and grandchildren who left too soon. As candles are lit on December 10th, 2023 at 7pm local time, hundreds of thousands of people commemorate and honor the memory of all children gone too soon. |
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Adults who lost a sibling are often called “the Forgotten Mourners.” Unique emotional complexities along with the relationships and grief of other family members can overshadow the grief of siblings. We recognize the need for support so siblings have a safe space to share their feelings in response to loss.
EricsHouse Holiday Gathering is an opportunity for bereaved individuals grieving the loss of a sibling to suicide or substance use to connect, share about their loved one, and learn some healing grief modalities. During the session we will also open it up to the group to offer any personal suggestions about what they might benefit from to promote healing after loss.
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A pre-registration call is required for the December 13th event and January 22nd group. For more information, email madison@ericshouse.org.
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Upcoming Virtual Support Groups |
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The Journey Onward "Workshop"
Style Virtual Support Group for Men
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Pre-registration is required. Please email Madi at madison@ericshouse.org for more information. This "workshop" style group is open Men who have participated in EricsHouse support groups previously and new members who are a year or more out from their loss. It is open to all losses (all relationships) to all self-harm causes (suicide, alcohol, and overdose). The Journey Onwards invites participants to look inwards and explore questions like what's next?
Sessions are designed to help you establish new priorities in life, write the next chapters of your life, and develop different perspectives on growth alongside grief. We will use various tools like the Enneagram to learn more about ourselves.
This group begins on January 11th and ends on March 14th. We will meet weekly via Zoom for 10 weeks from 5:00 PM – 6:30 PM AZ time/MST. There is a $150 fee for the ten sessions.
Sessions Dates: Jan 11, 18, 25 Feb 1, 8, 15, 22, 29 March 7, 14
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Our Love is Alive by Jackie Cole
Featuring Shannon and Billy
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Shannon describes herself as a fighter and a survivor. But she’s clear that it was a decision on her part to persevere after her husband Billy died.
She knew that she wanted to continue to be a hands-on mom to her four children while running her business which would require all of her energy and focus. Right from the beginning of her loss journey she’s had to keep going even through the most intense grief.
Shannon describes the loss of Billy nine years ago as living with a sword embedded in her. “I always know that the sword is there. Sometimes the pain is worse than others.”
Shannon is determined that her children will know, love and honor their dad. And she is deliberate about communicating his deep love for each of them.
“Christmas was his favorite holiday so we always make a big deal around it. Billy died in September so, knowing that we weren’t going to get another chance to celebrate with him, I bought and wrapped presents for the kids which I placed around his picture and urn so the kids could open presents with him at his funeral.”
Shannon talks about Billy with her children daily. The four of them, ages 10, 12, 13, and 15 years old, enjoy cooking his favorite foods, visiting the vacation property that he bought, looking at old photos and reading comments in his high school yearbooks.
“Billy was the class clown so reading what his friends wrote to him is fun for the kids.”
At bedtime, Shannon’s kids will talk to their dad, ask questions about him and even tell each other fairy stories featuring their dad in the hero’s role.
Shannon says that her own grief comes in waves, “Year seven was particularly difficult for me but I think other stresses in my life contributed to that.”
She’s also sensitive to the unique grief of each of her children. The youngest feel sadness when they can’t remember their dad. And the older kids realize the milestones and events that will happen without his physical presence.
Although Shannon is keeping her husband alive in her children’s hearts, they are all very much living in the present. As a family, they are active in mountain biking and recently competed together in a grueling 28-mile race. And now that the snow is accumulating, they are looking forward hitting the ski slopes for snowboarding and skate skiing.
With the holidays approaching, Shannon knows that when sadness is present, she and her kids will continue to remain engaged in life while honoring their husband and father, Billy.
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EricsHouse coins are a tangible way to hold space for the analogy of love and loss. None of us would ever willingly reduce the pain of our grief if it meant losing any of the love behind it.
EricsHouse facilitators, Greg Eckerman and Matthew Burg plus the Men’s support group members collaborated on designing this unique coin. A special thank you to all of them!
Two inches in diameter, these coins are substantial and tactile. One side has the infinity heart, symbolizing eternal love. It includes the phrases: “The only way past the pain is through it” and “You are not alone”. The other side has a stylized representation of Melancholy, a sculpture created by Albert Gyorgy, and the phrase: “The Greater the Love, The Greater the Pain”.
We are using the EricsHouse coin as a fundraiser to help us to continue providing integrative grief care support to loss survivors. Please let us know if you would like one for yourself or someone else on their own grief journey.
Please note, we are currently awaiting another bulk coin order. You may complete an order and we will fulfill it as soon as possible. Thank you!
We are asking for a $20 contribution for each coin.
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Our Tree of Life holds the names of people lost to suicide and substance use in the leaves on the tree. When you donate $100 in the name of your lost loved one, a personalized leaf will be placed on the tree as a lasting memorial. Leaves may also be purchased for friends and family as a gift in their loved one’s honor. |
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EricsHouse Inc.
1 (855) 894-5658
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