How often do we feel less than, not quite enough, somehow marred? We are drawn to someone, become closer to them, and suddenly the self-consciousness rears its ugly head. What if he finds out I’m not perfect? What if he notices my cackling laugh and it irritates him? What if I’m not beautiful enough to keep his attention? Or worse, what if who I am just simply isn’t enough? I wonder if this may have colored the words of this portion of the Song of Solomon. The Shulamite becomes aware of her vulnerability. Who she is, is becoming exposed as they draw close.
She is not like the other women in her community. She is dark. She works in the fields, it is obvious by the color of her skin. Will this deter her beloved? When her brothers made her keep their vineyards it meant hers didn’t receive her attention. Some commentary parallels this with her body. She wasn’t watching out as much for herself as those around her due to the pressure they put on her. Does this sound familiar to you? It does to me. I’m a verified (yet working on recovering) people pleaser. Many times others' desires for my time are put before my own. While we are called to prefer each other, it doesn’t me we are doormats, or “yes” people at all costs. That is where discernment comes in.
I'm reminded of a book by Lysa Terkeurst, “Best Yes”, I read it a few years ago and it spoke to a deep need in me. Could I be saying yes to what is good, but missing the best yes? Was I busying myself with ministry or activity that wasn’t bad, was even considered good, but at the cost of my relationship with God, my family, or His plans for me because I was just spread too thin? There were some areas where the answer was yes. I may have been choosing good, but not best… which could be translated as disobedience. (Yikes!)
But the still small, yet comforting voice of my Savior would beckon me. Come. Take the time you need in the quiet with Me. Let the dust settle, quit kicking up the mud at the bottom of the pond. You can’t see when you do that. Wait on Me and see what is what, and let’s find The way to the best place together. I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)
That future and hope begin by walking with Me, following Me. Letting me take you as you are, all the self-consciousness, all the areas of weakness, all the places of vulnerability. Take my hand and let’s journey together.
God already knows us. He created us and He loves us. He’s proved it over and over, generation after generation. Truth is we will never be good enough, but that doesn’t matter in the light of the blood of Jesus that paid the price for every area we fall short.
We may be dark, but we are lovely in His sight. We may have put ourselves in the backseat when we should have been upfront in the passenger seat. But wherever you find yourself today, I encourage you not to kick up the dirt. Let it settle. Ask God to show you the plans He has for you. Ask Him how He sees you. Take His hand and run with Him.
Prayer:
Father,
Thank You for loving me for who I am. In the light of Jesus' reflection, You say I am lovely. I submit to You the areas where there is a better plan for where I direct my attention and actions. Draw me after You so I can run with You in the plans and purposes You have created for my life. Help me always to direct my gaze toward You. Help me to see myself the way You do. Take my hand, I want to run with You.
This summer's challenge: sit quietly in His presence for five minutes each day. No agenda, no need to say anything, just sit before Him in silence and see what He might stir in your heart. I am challenging myself to do the same. We just might find hidden treasure in the process.
(All Bible verses are from the ESV translation unless otherwise noted)
