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I heard this phrase regularly from the students I taught in Korea when they described something to me that was foreign and different, yet similar. I found it to be a frustrating saying. How could something be the same and different simultaneously? It became a phrase I began to understand. It was used when the feelings experienced became quite difficult to express. I find this very much to be true about my journey in sobriety. So much of what I experience on a day-to-day basis is no different than that of when I was in active addiction.
Many of the circumstances are similar to what they were. The difference is within myself and how I respond. My safe bubble that I found at Koinonia over the first 30 days of my “official” recovery was coming to a close. The fear is real and normal when it comes to putting the work of rehab to the test on the
“outside”. July 11th it was one year from the moment that I walked up the blue staircase of Fredrick Place where I embarked on putting into practice all I learned. This is where I learned how it truly felt for something, someone, a place, people around me and even my own being was the 'same, but different.' I knew who I was, but I was (and still am) learning new parts of myself. Without the gracious patience of those around me I would not have been able to safely navigate the new path I was making for my life. I say the word patience, but honestly, reflecting back on it, working with people who are redefining their life as a result of addiction, mental illness, homelessness and much more takes so much more than patience. I know this now after staying in the recovery community and watching people come in and out, offering support and being patient is just a fraction of what emotionally weighs on those who offer support. Fredrick place is where I found those people and I became excited to share my journey with them. Friends I met there were also working toward moving up and understood what it felt like to be starting over again. It was comforting to know others knew how it felt to have burned so many bridges in life, that there were no more favors be given on our end. It is not easy to be the person willing to take a chance on believing we were deeply committing to recovering and it was going to stick.
It takes a lot to keep Fredrick Place together, but it was done in such a way that if you wanted it, and I did, it was home... or in this case it was but it was not... the same but different. It may not have been my family I woke up and chatted with each morning, but these people became individuals I could share my story with and eventually become part of my own story. The friends I made came and went, but I still have a few I stay connected with. The three of us have moved forward at the pace our higher power has had planned for us. We are still sober but no longer homeless. The staff I shared many nights with are people I still talk to regularly. I give back to the community at Fredrick place every chance I get. I share with the staff how my recovery is working and how I have made it work. I give back items that were initially given to help me start my life off, which I would not have been able to do without. In all reality, when I think about what I had to continue my journey when I left Fredrick Place, it was immensely helpful.
However, what is immeasurable is the support that I found with the staff. The cactus plant that I had helped bring back to life now lives in the office. It is the same plant but just a little different from when I first began trying to bring it back to life with Jeff, a staff member. I feel a lot like that cactus in a way. Each time I came back it was forming into a different phase of its growth. Without that initial boost of the care and attention it needed it would never have continued to thrive.
There are many “how’s” to how I got sober and stayed sober. This part of my reflection is not about the step work I continue to work on, the program I went through and the people in my life that I hurt and worked hard to rebuild relations with. This part of my journey is about the jump start that I was lucky
enough to find in a place that was just a little bit different but same enough for me to spread my wings and feel safe and supported yet different enough that I was not feeling so comfortable that I reverted back to old habits of addiction.
Have faith and be patient with those who you see potential in because you never know when you will be just what they need to jump into their journey.
Submitted and written by R.D., former resident of Frederick Place.
Special note from the Executive Director, R.D.'s cactus has actively been blooming since May 2023.
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