Dear Abby - Life Advice

I follow the Hello NAEYC Open Forum Discussion quite often because I like to keep in touch with topics that are currently on the minds of those in the field of early care and education.

I am amazed at the number of times, someone will post the smallest bit of information, like, “I have a child who cries in my classroom,” and what follows tends to be a litany of responses telling the person what they should do to “fix” the situation, as well as a list of resources that will help. Assumptions and judgments abound. It reminds me of the Dear Abby column, where a small part of the story is shared and the expert offers “Here’s what you should do” advice.

Every once in a while, a brave soul will approach the situation by asking a few questions, but more often than not, people go straight into fix it mode.

• What is it that causes us to think we have the answer and that we can solve someone else’s problem?
• What prevents us from asking questions to find out more information?

In our fast-paced world, problem-solving has become second nature to many of us. When faced with a challenge, we often rush towards finding a solution, eager to fix the issue at hand. However, there is an important distinction between solving problems and coaching others through them.

Coaching is a powerful tool that goes beyond simply providing solutions. It involves guiding individuals towards self-discovery, growth, and transformation. One common pitfall in the coaching process is mistakenly jumping into what we call “Fix It” mode.

“Fix It” mode occurs when a coach or leader automatically assumes the role of problem-solver, bypassing the opportunity for growth and development in the individual they are coaching. While it may feel efficient to provide immediate answers or solutions, this approach can hinder personal growth and inhibit the exploration of alternative perspectives.

Why does “Fix It” mode pose a challenge? Well, as coaches, our mission is not to rescue or spoon-feed solutions to those we coach, but rather to empower them to tap into their own potential. Here are a few reasons why it is crucial to avoid falling into this trap:

1. Limiting creativity and innovation. By providing quick fixes, we inadvertently stifle individuals’ ability to think critically and come up with innovative solutions themselves. Coaching encourages curiosity, exploration, and unlocking untapped potential, leading to more creative problem-solving strategies.
2. Creating dependence. Constantly jumping into “Fix It” mode fosters dependency on the coach or leader. It robs individuals of the opportunity to develop their own problem-solving skills and diminishes their confidence in their own abilities. Coaching, on the other hand, seeks to foster self-reliance and autonomy.
3. Missed learning opportunities. When we immediately solve problems for others, we deny them valuable learning experiences. Mistakes and challenges are important teachers, and through coaching, individuals can gain valuable insights, resilience, and personal growth navigating these obstacles themselves.

So how can we avoid the trap of “Fix It” mode and embrace a coaching mindset? Here are a few suggestions that may sound familiar:

1. Active listening. Instead of rushing to provide solutions, give individuals your full attention. Listen attentively, ask open-ended questions, and encourage them to explore their own thoughts and ideas.
2. Empowering ownership. Guide individuals towards taking ownership of their own challenges. Encourage them to reflect on their goals, values, and strengths. Help them identify potential solutions rather than offering immediate answers.
3. Embracing the process. Recognize that coaching is not about instant fixes. It is an ongoing journey of self-discovery and growth. Embrace the process and allow individuals the time and space they need to explore different paths and perspectives.
4. Remember, coaching is not about fixing problems. It is about empowering individuals to cultivate their own solutions, discover their potential, and realize transformative growth.

If you’d like to read more about advice giving, a quick read is The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever, by Michael Bungay Stanier.

Wishing you a transformative coaching journey.

Submitted by,

Rasheeda Coston, Director of Coaching (rascos@pakeys.org)

Barb Willier, Coaching Coordinator  (barwil@pakeys.org)   

The Pennsylvania Key