June 7, 2023

95th Edition

Hello Karen,

For many parents, it can be difficult to know what to do while their child is in a residential treatment centre (RTC) or out-of-home placement. Most parents remain in survival mode throughout this time, and have high anxiety about their child returning home.

We've compiled a list of strategies to help you get through this period and to help make the home-coming a bit smoother.

P.S. Many of these strategies for preparing for coming home are taught in our upcoming Therapeutic Parenting Course - join us to learn more! (Info below)

Enjoy!

Karen Poitras

President & Founder of The RADish Ranch

Every family is different in what their needs are and what they are experiencing when their child is away. Be sure to choose strategies that work for you!

One of the most important things is rest for parents in order to be best able to parent your child and connect with them effectively upon their return.

Another very important thing is to let go of guilt: your child needing this type of placement and care does not mean you have failed as a parent or done something wrong. Many times children with severe Reactive Attachment Disorder need space away from family relationships and a family setting to do some of their healing. Many times placements of this sort are also necessary due to issues of safety for the child and/or the rest of the family.

Strategies to Help You Rest and Reset

R&R/Self-Care

Allow yourself time to rest and heal. This may be sleeping in and taking naps, spending a few days in bed getting physical rest, spending time in nature, eating nourishing comfort foods, reading a favourite book or watching a favourite movie or TV show, being alone, or spending time with loved ones. The priority is rest - physical, emotional, and mental rest.

Date Night

Take time to work on your relationship as a couple. Prioritize spending time together reconnecting and doing things you love together. DO NOT spend this time taking or worrying about your child. Go out to dinner, do an activity together, join a course together, go to a movie, go to a concert or comedy club - whatever you like doing together!

Therapy/Counselling

Most (if not all!) parents of children with RAD have PTSD, secondary PTSD, anxiety, and/or depression from living with a trauma survivor and living in constant chaos. Parents also feel isolated, misunderstood, and judged constantly. It is important to have someone working with you on these issues and to support you as you parent your child. Participating in counselling or therapy will help you to be the best version of yourself for your child and can help with caregiver burnout, too.

It can also be beneficial to participate in couples counselling, family therapy, equine therapy, and/or therapy for and with healthy children.

Family Activities & Vacation

Get out and enjoy activities as a family that you are unable to do when your child with RAD is at home. Go to an amusement park, spend the day spelunking or geocaching, take a hike, visit friends, attend a sport event, go out for supper, have a movie night at home - the possibilities are endless!

If your family has been wanting to take a vacation for a while, now is a good time! Book your family vacation and spend the time resting, relaxing, and spending quality time with your loved ones.

Many parents hesitate to plan family activities or vacations while a child is in treatment or out-of-home care because they feel guilty about leaving a child out or fear what people will say about their parenting choices. However, it is necessary to have a healthy family life and to participate in "normal" family activities, and sometimes in families with children with RAD, that means doing these things while one child is away. It is not something to feel bad or guilty about.

Healthy Sibling Fun

Many times the healthy siblings in the home feel that they aren't able to be "normal" kids because of the behaviours of their sibling and the chaos they create. This is a great time to help your healthy children to have some "normal" time! Invite friends over, participate in activities, visit friends and family, loosen some schedule and routines (for those who can handle it), and give them opportunities to do some of the things they have been unable to do with their sibling in the home.

Strategies to Prepare for Coming Home

Daily Schedule & Routines

Having a predictable schedule and routines in place when your child comes home can help ease the transition for everyone. For your child, it will help them be able to integrate back into the home more smoothly and to feel more secure in a predictable environment. For parents, it can help by allowing more time to focus on bonding and working with behaviours when energy doesn't have to be spent on figuring out schedules or changing routines.

Behaviour Management Plan

Many times one of the most anxiety-provoking parts of having a child come back home is worry about what behaviours may come up - some of which may be escalated when first coming home. Make a list of behaviours that you think your child might display and take time to write down actions to deal with them. This can help to ease some anxiety when you have a plan in place and feel more empowered to parent effectively!

The Brain-Based Behaviour Intervention (3BI) program is one of the best ways to deal with behaviours that are destructive, defiant, disrespectful, or limit testing. (This program is taught in our Online Therapeutic Parenting Course; see information below)

Bedroom/home Safety Makeover

Felt-safety is one of the key factors of therapeutic parenting. Having a safe and secure environment can help your child to feel safer coming back into you home, and can help you to feel safer having them back home.

Ensure your child's bedroom is a place of safety for them; clear out anything that would make the room unsafe and create a space where they can go when they need to calm down from big feelings or when they are being unsafe toward themself or others.

Set up the rest of your home to be safe and secure as well. Store or lock away any dangerous items, valuables, or sentimental items that cannot be replaced. Install door alarms where needed to increase felt safety (install on bedroom doors, as well).

Home Set Up

Set up your home to be a calm, relaxing, therapeutic environment. Clear out clutter and extra items to have a calm, less chaotic place, have soft, warm colours to help promote relaxation, and have times when TVs, radios, and electronics are turned off to allow for less distraction, clear thought, and better thought processing.

Play and Activity Supplies & Stations

Structured playtime and family playtime are important parts of healing and therapeutic care for children. Having playtime activities such as Lego, building blocks, puzzles, drawing supplies, and playdough available and a station area set up for playtime can help to make it easier when the time for play comes around.

Having ideas ready for family playtime is also a great way to feel prepared and empowered.

Check out www.theradishranch.org/playtime-ideas to get started!

Reunification

Reunification can be a very difficult time for everyone in the family. Working with the treatment team on steps for reunification, family therapy sessions, and visits can help ease the transition.

Some children will only handle being at home for a short while before needing to be placed in out-of-home care again. This does not mean you have failed as a parent, it just means your child needs more time to work on their life in a treatment setting. Take the opportunity to continue resting and healing your body, mind, and soul.

Upcoming Courses & Programs