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Pirkei Avos Ch. 2- Patience: The ultimate virtue
It is customary to study a chapter from the Tractate Avos, or Pirkei Avos, in the weeks in between Pesach and Shavuos. This week we learn Chapter 2. Pirkei Avos are filled with the ethical teachings and wisdom of the great sages of the Mishnah.
For this year’s Parsha Lesson I will be focusing on a chinuch (parenting/educational) lesson that can be derived from the Dvar Torah.
Background
R’ Yochanon ben Zachai was the leading sage of the Jewish nation at the time of the destruction of the 2nd Beis Hamikdash (Holy Temple in Jerusalem). In fact, R’ Yochanon ben Zachai was trapped in Jerusalem during the Roman siege of the city, which culminated in the complete destruction of the city and the massacre of the many brave Jews who were defending it.
R’ Yochanon ben Zachai, as the leading sage and the next link in the chain of the Mesorah (passing down of the Torah through the generations), took upon himself the responsibility to ensure the continuity of the teaching of the Torah for the next generation. He devised a brilliant and daring plan as to how he would approach Vespasian, the father of Titus and the Roman Emperor, and secure the safety of the Sanhedrin (Jewish court) and the leading sages. He did so in order to ensure that even though the Jewish homeland for well over 1000 years, Eretz Yisroel, was now going to be completely under Roman control, that the teaching of Torah should continue.
R’ Yochanon ben Zachai had five particularly outstanding students who passed along the Mesorah after him. They were- R’ Eliezer ben Hyrkanus, R’ Yehoshua ben Chananya, R’ Yose Hakohen, R’ Shimon ben Nesanel, and R’ Elazar ben Aroch. These five students would each go on to establish their own students and convey the teachings of the Torah as they received it from R’ Yochanon ben Zachai who had himself received the Mesorah from the great Hillel and Shammai.
R’ Yochanon ben Zachai instructed his students to ‘go out and find what is the most ideal path for someone to cling to’ in order to develop themselves into a good person. He directed them to study the Torah, as they have been taught it, with each of their unique personalities, and figure out which of the lofty middos (character traits) of the Torah is most ideally suited to excel in, in order to from there develop one’s self into a ‘shaleim’, a complete person of sterling character.
After gathering all of the results, R’ Yochanon ben Zachai issued his verdict: the most ideal path, the area most worth focusing on and excelling in, is that of having a ‘good heart’. Rabbeinu Yonah explains that a ‘good heart’ means someone who is ‘agreeable’ and someone who is ‘patient’, and this person will be ‘generous to others’.
Question
How are these ONE thing!? This sounds like THREE different and distinct characteristics and traits and therefore separate areas for a person to work on!
Someone who is patient is not necessarily agreeable and vice versa. And someone who is either of those is not necessarily generous! And even if one were to suggest that these ‘good’ character traits are often found in the same person, as all ‘good characteristics’ are interrelated, they would, however, seem to still be separate and distinct traits which wouldn’t make sense to all be lumped together.
Additionally, this was, in fact, what R’ Yochanon ben Zachai was instructing his students- please find the ONE characteristic which someone should work on in order to from there impact the entirety of his being! To then conclude that a person should work on the ‘entirety of their being’ would seem to undermine the entire exercise and lose the point of having one area of focus to excel in and thereby make becoming a complete person easier!
How is it that being agreeable, having patience and being generous are all really one and the same?
Answer
From further research into the various related and interconnected character traits, the following clarity has emerged: that fundamentally what it means to be a patient person is for someone to be able to ‘hold’ their own will in the face of another’s will. This core act, that of ‘holding’ one’s will in order to enable another person’s will to be indulged, is the foundational stone that is being referred to in this Mishna as having a ‘good heart’.
A good hearted person is someone who wants the ‘other’ to be happy and satisfied and uplifted, and therefore ‘holds’ their will from impeding on the other’s will and interests. Such a person will not only be patient- even when their will is pushing them to be impatient, but this person will be agreeable- even when they have their own wants and interests about what should be done; and this person will be able to be gracious- even when their will is pulling them to indulge their own desires. And this person, ultimately, will be able to fulfill the will of Hashem even when their own will is pulling them in a different direction.
Such a person is truly ‘free’ and capable of acting in the way in which their lofty soul desires and instructs them to behave, and they are not held captive by their own will and desires. They are able to ‘hold’ that will and do something else, something more and better and uplifted. This core act and ability to ‘hold’ one’s will, will enable a person to reap the amazing benefits of meaningful relationships, success from the hard work and toil they invest into professional accomplishment and the enjoyment from being such a developed person who can put someone else’s will before their own, especially their own more unseemly impulses.
Chinuch Lesson
In the age of living ‘authentically’ and spending an abundant amount of time on ‘self care’ and ‘self love’, we need to model and instill in our children getting above our own selfish, narcissistic desires and to be able to be a more uplifted, generous and charitable person. To be able to put another’s wants and needs before our own is what truly makes one human, and not just another animal. And, not-coincidentally, by putting others’ needs first, and by becoming a truly giving person, that is one can develop into the most successful, happy, satisfied and contented person possible.
Of course a person cannot neglect their own needs, but by putting one’s focus and efforts on helping those around them and by practicing ‘holding’ your own wants and desires in abeyance in order to accomplish something more meaningful, a person is developing themselves into a truly free person who will really enjoy a happy life.
In order to instill this into our children and those we lead, of course, we must become such ‘other centered’ people ourselves and demonstrate for our children how their wants and needs are so meaningful to us. When they see us being so contented and satisfied, and happy, from caring for another (them), and they sense our ‘holding’ our will and not allowing that to interfere with being able to give to someone else and indulge their will, that will inspire them, and show them, how such a way of life is truly uplifted, great and what it means to live authentically, like a human being.
Wishing you and your family a wonderful Shabbos!
Rabbi Eli Meir Kramer
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