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What does the Rabbi, who also happens to be the father, say to the Kallah (Bride) and the Hattan (Groom) under the Huppah?
He tries to let them know that the candle each one is holding represents each one’s history and memories and that when they use those two candles to light the one candle in memory of the 5 grandparents who are no longer physically with us, that fusion represents the binding of their individual pasts to their collective future. He tries to let them know that the Huppah is a Mishkan Meh’aht, a small sanctuary, and that their friends and family represent all of Israel wishing them a healthy, happy, long, fulfilling, and meaningful life together. He tries to let them know that the Tallises of their grandparents above them are wrapping them in a huge hug from heaven.
He tries to let them know that they will bring holiness into the world, and their lives, by how they treat, relate to, and speak with each other. He tries to tell them that, like all of God’s creatures, they are created b’tzelem Elohim, in the image of God. He tries to tell them that Individuals, couples, and families, bring holiness into their lives, and to the world, when they set aside, and consecrate, time for each other.
He tries to tell them that he hopes that they will always look at each other the way that they are looking at each other, at that moment, under the Huppah.
He tries to tell them that one generation has huge hopes for the next, and plants seeds for that next generation. He tells them that, as individuals, they are each good, strong, bright, and loving. He tells them that as a couple these and other incredible traits have grown exponentially. He tries to tell them that their ability to do this did not come automatically; that their parents and grandparents have planted seeds in, and for, them. Further, he says that those seeds have grown into firmly rooted trees that the couple will tend to and that, together, they will reap the beautiful flowers and fruits that they will grow.
He recites blessings over wine and has them place rings on each other’s fingers after saying:
BY THIS RING YOU ARE CONSECRATED TO ME, (AS MY SPOUSE), IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE LAWS OF MOSES AND THE PEOPLE OF ISRAEL.
THERE IS NOTHING IN THE WORLD MORE PRECIOUS TO ME THAN YOU.
He tries to tell them that the vows they have just read to each other have moved him and are indelibly imprinted in his soul. It is the still, small voice.
He tries to tell them that when they were born and they were named, their parents said a blessing that asked God to grant them the privilege of seeing their children under the Huppah. He tells them that the parents just say the blessing, without even really thinking about it. He continues that at their Bar and Bat Mitzvahs their parents made the same request: “May we see our child being blessed under the Huppah”. Again, they say it without really thinking. But, he tells them, it was always there, in the back of your parents’ heads. We prayed for this day from the day you were born….to see you with the person you love, with your “beshert”, under the Huppah….Two becoming one….at the very beginning of sharing a life together. He then lets out an “OY”.
He tries to tell them that working with them (as a rabbi, not as a father) was a blessing. He lets them know that they have a powerfully positive energy in their relationship. It is an energy that doesn’t vibrate or flash like lightening. Instead, it leads to a forceful calm when they are together.
He tries to tell them that he hopes that every gorgeous detail of their extraordinarily beautiful wedding day will forever remain etched and vivid in their minds.
He tries to tell them that a bit of Torah will add to their holy and sanctified day. He tells them that Parashat Bamidbar is the perfect Torah portion for a wedding. Why? Because the entire book of Bamidbar is about the Children of Israel marching toward a holy goal: Nationhood and the Promised Land.
He tries to tell them that from the moment they stepped under the Huppah, they started heading together toward goal after goal after goal. Some goals would be huge, and some would be small. But they would always move toward them together. He tries to give them a blessing: “As you go from two into one, may you always be together, in strength and love, heading toward your goals and your future.”
He then tries to tell them that, in the Torah portion, the tribes of the Israelites encamped around the Mishkan, the portable sanctuary. In the center of the Mishkan was the Ark of the covenant and on the Ark were two Gold chruvim (cherubim, like angels). In Parashat Naso the Torah says that God spoke to Moses from between the two chruvim. He then tries to tell them that there is a beautiful midrash about this:
It is recorded that the two chruvim were male and female, and that only when they faced each other and looked into each other’s eyes, radiating peace and harmony, only then was the Divine Presence able to enter the sanctuary and talk with Moses.
He then tries to explain to them that the Huppah is the Mishkan, and that the guests represent the Children of Israel surrounding the Mishkan. He then told them that they, the bride and the groom, are the Chruvim on the Ark of the Covenant. He told them to look at him. And then to look out at the guests. Then he told them to look deeply into each other’s eyes and to hold the gaze.
He tried to tell them that, like the Chruvim, every time that they look into each other’s eyes and express love, and look into each other’s souls, they will be creating a holy moment. That is when the divinity that is within each of them will fuse as one and they will bring the divine into their lives, the lives of others, and to the world.
He then chants and sings, the seven blessings and exhorts the guests to loudly say “AMEN” after each blessing.
He then wraps them up in the Tallitot that they wore at their Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. He tries to tell them that, just as at that time, they accepted adulthood now, as they are wrapped together, they are accepting the holiness of marriage and a life together.
He then steps out of his job as Rabbi to become (just) a parent and joins his wife and the parents of the groom. Together they recite the priestly blessing:
May you be like Ephraim and Menashah.
May you be like Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel, and Leah.
May God Bless you and guard you.
May God show you favor and be gracious to you.
May God show you kindness and grant you peace.
He then tries to tell them that breaking the glass represents the fact that, in life, things break. Their job will be to work together to fix these things. He then expresses a hope that the glass is broken into a thousand, thousand pieces and that their joy should last as long as it takes to put all those thousand, thousand pieces back together again perfectly.
He hears a stomp and a crash followed by a loud “Mazal Tov!”. He takes the first breath he has taken in about 45 minutes, sees the joy on the face of the bride and groom, and feels the fullness of joy consume his body.
That is what the Rabbi, who also happens to be the father, says to the Kallah (Bride) and the Hattan (Groom) under the Huppah.
Shabbat Shalom – Rabbi Michael S. Jay
Photo courtesy of Zlatko Batistich
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