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“Spare” by Prince Harry is a moving memoir of privilege and despair in a struggle for approval. I have great compassion for Harry because he was treated in his family as a second-class citizen, a spare, as the title of the book states. However, he also was hyperactive and got himself into trouble by impulsive choices. Intelligent but not intellectual, he did not think things out.
For example, Harry thought it was funny to wear a swastika symbol on a costume for a costume party in his late teens. He called William and Kate before he bought it, and they laughed in approval. So he thought it was a good joke to bring to the party.
However, England almost went under in World War II because of Hitler. Joking that a member of the monarchy supported Hitler was a bad choice. Harry was young and insensitive about history. But what about William and Kate? (Apparently, they did not notice it might be offensive, which is revealing in itself.) The press ripped Harry apart.
“Granny,” Queen Elizabeth II, loved Harry, and they had a special relationship, yet Harry did make unusual choices. Perhaps you could call Harry a loose cannon whose family did not know how to handle him. They could not express warm affection, and traditional English education was clearly not good for him. His experiences at Eton and Sandhurst were painful.
The book shows that the death of his mother was profound, and he never got over it. He blamed the press for his mom’s death in the car crash that killed her in France. Later in life, he had a limousine drive him through the tunnel in France where she died, and could not understand how any driver could have crashed there. The explanation of the tragedy (in Harry’s mind )was that the bright white lights of press cars chasing her car blinded the driver. I think this book has helped Harry heal from his mother’s tragic death.
However, he is not Peter Pan. At 38, he cannot blame his brother for wearing a Hitler symbol on a costume. It was his choice. He cannot blame King Charles for marrying Camilla, although he and William resented her. He cannot blame his father for saying as a joke, ”I provided an heir and a spare, and now I am done.”
Charles did not know how to be a father. He dropped Harry off at private school and said, ”Off you go, darling boy,” and he did not see his father again until school vacation. The whole family was detached emotionally from each other.
In his anger at 38, he has disowned his family and probably has cut bridges to go back to England. At 50, he might be surprised about the things that upset him in his youth.
Harry does have a sharp sense of humor which is sprinkled throughout the book. It is dry humor through pathos and causes both laughter and tears together upon reflection.
One of the best stories in the book is seen when he shows his love for his father and family as they attend a ceremony when he receives his wings after training to be a pilot, a wonderful achievement. He was so pleased that his father attended and was proud of him.
Harry’s book reveals that the English monarchy is conservative, controlling, and confining. He has a right to express his anger towards the press and the conventions of English royalty. But he lacks the insight to filter some of his personal anger toward the royal family, who were oblivious to his pain. He has now undoubtedly made them aware while humiliating them for posterity.
Harry thanks everyone who inspired him to write the book, including the ghostwriter J.R. Moehringer, who helped him pull parts of the book together. However, basically, this book is by Prince Harry. It is angry yet ‘tender’ because along with anger, there is a great deal of love in it; love of his father, love of his mother, love of England, love of the environment, and certainly his passionate love of Meghan.
Yet, Harry, who left the monarchy for privacy and independence, certainly invited the press to support his new book. He wanted his own story to be told, not a story created by the press.
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