• Author of the new book Why We Remember: Unlocking Memory's Power to Hold on to What Matters, neuroscientist Charan Ranganath discusses normal and abnormal memory loss in this interview by NPR’s Terry Gross. 

• Codependency relationship dynamics, comprehensively reviewed by psychotherapist Michelle Farris in this podcast interview. 

• A new study examining creative “flow” in jazz improvisation identifies a “letting go” factor. 

• Insights into the midlife crisis experienced by men. 

• What it means to have an “avoidant attachment style.” 

• “Mentalization”: the foundation of emotional and social intelligence. 

• Enhancing Emotional Intimacy in Couples: Connection, Vulnerability, and Communication

• The Power of Group Dynamics in Therapy: Nurturing Connection, Support, and Here-and-Now Processing 

• Exploring the Use of Psychodynamic Psychotherapy



• Artificial Intelligence: Social and Ethical Implications

• Balancing Acceptance and Negotiation in Relationships

The Men's Group Seminar: On Seeking Discomfort

Recent scientific research has taken the “no pain, no gain” mantra to another level. In a series of studies, Kaitlin Woolley of Cornell University and Ayelet Fishbach of the University of Chicago had subjects participate in stressful situations including improvisational classes, expressive journaling, and reading about volatile issues and events. Those who were encouraged to embrace the discomfort of these situations (1) were more engaged and motivated to persist, and (2) associated new meanings to feeling uncomfortable. These findings are significant in that prior research on motivation generally shows that when people seek new goals or self-improvement, the discomfort inherent in the necessary hard work and strivings with little immediate reinforcement is difficult to tolerate. Cognitive reappraisals such as “no pain, no gain” serve to make the discomfort more palatable. Woolley and Fishbach’s work adds an additional insight into human motivation in that, as the researchers explain, “merely encouraging people to seek discomfort” is inherently motivating by “transforming discomfort into a sign of progress.”

In the next meeting of the Men’s Group Seminar on Saturday, March 23, 2024 (10:15 to 11:30 AM), we will review the role of discomfort in the pursuit of new goals and personal growth, and consider the ways in which discomfort is typically managed. The shift from allowing discomfort “to serve as a source of motivation rather than a stopping point” will be discussed across a range of life situations and challenges, with an eye toward potential distinctions between self-directed activities (such as weight loss, athletic performance, etc.), interpersonal relationships (with intimate partners and family members), and more global domains such as career progression and financial/wealth advancement. Finally, we will consider an evolutionary perspective on discomfort, which proposes that the human brain is designed largely to conserve energy and function on precedent; yet, according to this perspective, we are also “hard wired” to attain new knowledge and accomplishments by entering higher-level zones of discomfort, but only occasionally and only in the “right dosage.”     

To register for this upcoming seminar, please see the directions below.

The Relationship Group Seminar: Attunement

Attunement is perhaps the most important factor in intimate relationships and the single ingredient responsible for promoting long-term fulfillment. Surprisingly, attunement is rarely discussed in the scientific and popular literature on relationships. Moreover, while “communication problems” is one of the most common reasons why couples pursue therapy, it is rare that attunement is addressed or even mentioned in treatment. However, underlying all communication and conflict resolution issues among couples (and close relationships in other social contexts as well) are problems of attunement.  

To define the term, attunement is a deep interpersonal awareness of your intimate partner that reaches a level beyond empathy. It involves an implicit, unconscious understanding of, and identification with, your partner’s emotional life based on a highly textured comprehension of his or her identity. It is this synergistic connection to your partner that allows for quality communication, caring actions and responses, and a reflective presence that advances intimate emotional contact. Feeling “seen” and “known” by another constitutes the essence of attunement. 

Attunement involves the interlinking of three factors: validation, acceptance, and “mentalization.” In the next meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on Saturday, March 23, 2024 (11:45 AM to 1:00 PM), we will explore how these three factors function together to produce attunement in close relationships. We will also consider the significant role of attunement in development which wills serve as an analogy for adult romantic love. The maternal figure, by her consistent presence and ongoing observation and understanding of her infant (mentalization), inevitably becomes attuned to her infant’s feeling states, temperament, and behavioral tendencies. Based on situational cues and other circumstances, the mother anticipates and then lovingly accepts and empathizes with her infant’s mood states. This wholistic validation is ultimately internalized by the infant and used to build psychological capacities such as self-reflection, self-attunement, and self-esteem.

To register for this upcoming seminar, please see the directions below.

New Psychotherapy Group Forming

This therapy group aims to help individuals involved in current or previous relationships involving narcissism and codependence dynamics. In the safety and supportive atmosphere of the group therapy format, individuals will learn about these dynamics more deeply and explore the emotional and psychological pathways for overcoming them. The group will consist of didactic and experiential components to aid in the recovery process. This is a therapeutic experience and entry into the group will occur only after a pre-group screening interview and preparation phase. Referrals are welcomed (please contact me at 949-338-4388 or at jt@jamestobinphd.com).