We are a species wired for connection, for collaboration, for community; various fields of study have affirmed and documented this. But when did you know it? Maybe you were fortunate to grow up in a country, a culture, a church, a home where community was as central an element as water and air. You wouldn’t survive without any of these, and fortunately you never lacked for them either.
I did not grow up in one of those places. I grew up as a white person in a late-20th century capitalist country that taught me that all I needed were bootstraps. Individualism was prized and rewarded over community.
My childhood church taught me what not to do if I wanted to get myself into heaven, but never helped me imagine creating heaven on earth. It never made me feel part of a community with shared purpose; we were all just on our own trying not to slip off the righteous path.
I first discovered Community when I came out as an emerging adult. I was welcomed into queer circles of care and connection. It happened to be at the same time that AIDS was also emerging. We each did what we could: nursed brothers through brutal illnesses; held lovers through grief; shared food; stitched quilts; shouted in the streets. Each of us contributed as we could, relied on each other, built the community we needed.
That’s when I first really understood that I was not in this life alone; that I was indeed wired for community. That I needed the shared purpose, and partnership, and belonging, the joy and the challenges of building and sustaining community. I’ve been seeking and building it ever since. It’s also the lens through which I see our work with - and in - congregations.
I’ve been so very lucky to serve with a team here in the New England Region of our UUA that has functioned as a community of growth, learning, practice, and support. One of my colleagues here introduced me to the work of the late teacher Malidoma Somé, who wrote:
Without community you cannot be yourself. The community is where we draw the strength needed to effect changes inside of us. What one acknowledges in the formation of the community is the possibility of doing together what is impossible to do alone. . . .
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