Proprietary, interactive applications and social media provide customized environments that cater to the preferences of individual students creating more self-centered environments by deliberate design. As students’ online dwell time increases, so does the amount of time they are in control of their surroundings, where they choose to go, and the conversations they decide to engage in. Those who study online behavior refer to this control as the “Goldilocks Effect,” which empowers young people to keep relationships not too close, not too far, but “just right” according to their preferences, and thus the ability to be “with people” but at a distance they control. Upon initial examination, that may sound safe, but it also creates challenges parents should be aware of.
Real-world human relationships happen in real time; we do not get to go back and edit or delete our conversations. And while our human relationships are rich and complex, they are also sometimes demanding and messy. Knowing how to handle a conversation in the real world is a bedrock skill students must develop. As more and more of our students’ time is spent in the online world, they are engaging in conversational control, especially as it relates to confrontation avoidance. The common student phrase, “I’d rather text than talk” is often used to avoid a healthy person-to-person discussion on a contentious subject. We must endeavor to keep face-to-face conversations with our students open to help them develop their in-person communication skills, avoid technology’s empty promise of companionship with its accompanying demands of a relationship, and help students understand and believe the only one who loves them more than we do is Christ.
