• What science discovered about relationships during the pandemic may surprise you.

• The demand-withdrawal pattern is one form of negative communication among couples that leads to discord and impacts the immune system.

• A new book centers on the role of parents in their children’s romantic relationships.

• Types of narcissism may be associated with different attachment styles.

• The meaning of “trauma bond” and its role in abusive relationships. 



• A new teletherapy marketplace links Gen Z and millennial users to psychotherapists.

Please check out the library of available blog articles and podcast recordings.

• The Happiness Curve



• What is Unhealthy Love?

The Men's Group Seminar: Why Men Lose Motivation (and What to Do About It)

Although motivation continues to be viewed by some experts as a character trait, there is a growing body of scientific evidence indicating that motivation – especially among men – fluctuates based on a variety of factors. Mirroring the U-tube shape of the happiness curve, research suggests that for many men high levels of motivation (and ambition) in young adulthood gradually diminish over time, reach the lowest levels during midlife, then spike upward once again in later adulthood. This trend was previously believed to be linked to normal aging, e.g., declines in testosterone as well as other common physiological changes associated with later adulthood. Yet, new science suggests a more complex and multidimensional perspective on what is motivating for men and what factors appear to obstruct motivation.

A key finding is that motivation is largely learned; strategies and targets for motivation are laid down early in development. While useful during childhood and even into young adulthood, these often become demotivating with advanced aging. For example, appealing to authority figures, impressing peers, or working because you are held accountable by others are common motivation pathways in our youth, but as we age the need for internal sources of motivation is more necessary and sustaining. Further, throughout the course of adulthood chronic stress/burnout, “settling” in a relationship, even a sense of feeling underwhelmed have been documented as obstructions to motivation. Psychiatric issues such as depression, frequently denied or avoided by men and hence not treated, may also negatively impact motivation.

In the next in-person meeting of the Men’s Group Seminar on Saturday, May 6, 2023 (10:15 to 11:30 AM), we will explore the latest scientific perspective on motivation among men. We will pay particular attention to the most widely endorsed strategies for establishing and maintaining motivation, which include shifting from obligation to commitment, working effectively with goals, and avoiding a dependence on motivation levels by relying instead on habit formation. Finally, the need for men to consistently remain stimulated through growth-enhancing activities will also be discussed.  



To register for this upcoming in-person seminar, please see the directions below.

The Relationship Group Seminar: The Psychology of Passive Aggression

Passive aggression is a relatively common defense mechanism and interpersonal/relational communication strategy, so common in fact that the psychiatric community has proposed a Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder (a diagnosis that has never been formally implemented). Originally conceptualized as a term used to describe the opposition of American soldiers to their commanders, passive aggression entered the psychological vernacular and ultimately the popular culture. Passive aggression involves the indirect expression of anger, hostility or resistance, often through forms of inaction (e.g., lateness, “stonewalling,” missing deadlines, giving the “silent treatment”) rather than action. Experts observe that passive-aggressive behavior is more likely unintentional (unconsciously motivated) rather than intentional. It is generally quite effective in communicating concealed aggression to the target, avoiding direct conflict, and establishing a degree of manipulative control, all of which serve to reinforce the behavior. The negative impact of ongoing passive aggression in close intimate relationships as well as in the workplace and other social contexts is significant: trust erodes, frustration mounts as those who are the recipients of the passive-aggressive behavior often do not know how to address it, and cyclical patterns may arise in which passive-aggressive behavior promotes direct or indirect “counter-aggression.”

There are numerous perspectives on the origins and causes of passive aggression. One perspective views passive aggression as a learned behavior modeled by members of one’s family of origin. Within hierarchical systems such as the family system, the powerless child’s efforts at negotiating conflict and expressing emotion may have been largely unsuccessful, leading to problems of “ineffective self-assertion.” Passive aggression arises as a consequence.   

In the next in-person meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on Saturday, May 6, 2023 (11:45 AM to 1:00 PM), we will discuss the dynamics of passive aggression in relationships. We will pay particular attention to recommendations on how to respond to passive-aggressive behavior directed toward you, as well as ways in which you can overcome your own passive-aggressive tendencies. Finally, we will consider the under-emphasized form of passive-aggression that is directed toward oneself, a dynamic often manifested in under-achievement and self-sabotage. 

To register for this upcoming in-person seminar, please see the directions below.

Psychodynamic Psychotherapy Group: One Opening Remains

A new psychodynamic psychotherapy group (for women and men) has recently formed in my practice. There is one opening left before the group reaches its maximum membership. Referrals are welcomed (please contact me at 949-338-4388 or at jt@jamestobinphd.com). This therapy group utilizes the emerging dynamics among group members as a basis from which to examine characteristic ways of thinking, feeling, and relating to others. The group is a therapeutic experience and entry occurs only after a pre-group screening interview and preparation phase.