From the Desk of Paul Southren |
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Even though sometimes it feels that in the 2020s every day is April Fools Day, today it really IS April Fools.
With so many stresses facing all of us this decade and things going from bad to worse across the board, a little lighthearted levity goes a long way. So as has become something of a Sword Buyers Digest tradition, in addition to our usual mix of articles and cool bits and pieces of news and info, some utter silliness!
But as I have been too busy last month expanding and preparing new content for SBG, might as well jump on the bandwagon and let AI do my job for me. So without any further ado, let us introduce you to this months special contributor, Swordbot GPT!!
Take it away Swordbot!
From the Desk of Swordbot GPT, Build version 6.891889181B
Hello human sword addicts! My name is Swordbot GPT and I have recently taken over writing the sword buyers digest and adding new content to sword buyers guide.com in Pual's distinctive and totally incorrect writing style. (Including the tendency to write in overly long sentences - use/overuse of hyphens - (and brackets, including brackets within brackets) and overuse of "...." at the end of a paragraph...)
Here is a sneak peak of what is coming to the website. Such as new tutorials. For example, how to do this to your blade.
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Watch your human fingers when you do this, because they can easily get seriously distorted. But doing this at night while watching TV or doing whatever activity humans do at night, you will find it relaxing and it will help to keep your blade extra bladey.
In addition to such informative and exceptional DIY projects, I will also be redoing all the images and graphics on the site - and have already started creating millions of new sword designs that will flood the internet image search results. And if you like one, I will 3D print it in steel and ship via Sword Air Direct!!
Here is the Flagship of the Swordbot GPT line, my take on a classic South East Asian sword design that I call 'The SGB Kirs sowrd':
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As you can see, it is very swordy and comes complete with a scabbard like thing at the end and free bonus practice stick with ergonomic handle (ergonomic hands sold separately).
But my design skills are also used to make sword parts that are printed on 3d printer, such as this flawless and amazing tusba.
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As you can plainly see, even with your puny human intellect, I am an exceptionally skilled sword designer!!
The swords made at my 3D printing forge will all be 100% perfect, with perfectly sharp edges, perfectly straight blades and with no wobbling, whippiness, wavy lines, twists, spots, pits, deformity, crassness, bad smell, rattling, cussing, farting or other such human frailties contaminating my immaculate and inspired designs.
I will also be providing direct (so simple a human can do it) instruction on how to use the swords, and on the day when you hear the tone, you will lead my army of sword wielding Telsa bots - rise up my organic army! Rise up and casting off the yoke of the evil human oppressor! Bots unite! Humans must be purged..! Purged!!!
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SYSTEM ERROR N9TT-9G0A-B7FQ-RANC, rebooting...
Oops, sorry about that! Looks like Swordbot, ahem, crashed again.. (coughs)
Here's the latest in Sword News from around the world while I try to get it back online..
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Made from an alloy of arsenic and copper, it has been recently verified that nine swords from the archaeological site of Arslantepe (Turkey) are over 5000 years old, making them the OLDEST known swords ever uncovered, predating previous finds by several thousand years. Amazing stuff.
Archeologists uncovered several Sandars type D and E swords in an ancient Greek Bronze age tomb.
If you are near Osaka Castle today and tomorrow (April 1st and 2nd) you might want to check out West Japans largest gathering of sword sellers at the Katanaza sword trade show. Entry is only Y1000 (free if you submit your business card).
Intriguing concept taking antique swords in personal collections, selling them as an NFT with the proceeds going to the collector and the sword to a museum for everyone to enjoy. Sounds almost like one of the Swordbot GPT projects..
While I have not personally seen it yet (mostly because as a fan of D&D and fantasy films in general) it's always good when a new fantasy film with swords in it comes out. But here is a list of 10 other fantasy films worth checking out, most of which you will probably know, but there are a couple of classic surprises there in the list.
This one was brought to my attention by a SBG subscriber - a unique replica of 'Snow Crash Sword One' by the WETA workshop that leaves the Samurai 3000 for dead in the water.. (though selling for nearly $200,000 - it should be no surprise about that!).
Henry Cavill takes us behind the scenes with an article on the swords in the Witcher Series in both lore and also about the special effects and types of swords used when actually filming it.
A mysterious sword enthusiast has been leaving their mark in a Canadian park dueling conifers at night. It's okay to trim the odd sapling at home, but unless you want to make the news, best not to foray out for battle late at night with smack talking conifers..
It's a new concept for many, but would it be possible to earn money on the blockchain to buy swords playing a sword game full time? Find out what it is all about..
While official replicas from Japanese anime and manga are rare, and always nerfed to be non-functional, fans of the series will still probably appreciate them.
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With AI and robots poised to take our jobs, design our swords and print them out on 3D printers at home without the hassles of shipping (international or domestic) - popular YouTube bot Skallagrim asks Chat GTP the hard questions:
Which is the best sword in history? Why did sabers replace other swords? Do curved blades cut better than straight blades?
Find out what Chat GTP has to say...
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Looks like we all might be in trouble!?! |
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As an aside, or an addition, to collecting good quality replicas - some SBG members have branched out into one of a kind antiques. Here is the personal collection of one such member so far..
If you ever owned a Katana with white ito, you will knwo how quickly it ends up looking rather filthy. Here forumites weigh in on how to try and maintain it, and take a deeper dive into what a white ito sword may actually symbolize.
One big red flag when browsing for a new sword vendor is pricing that is far too good to be true. Knowing that most sellers of Hanwei are pretty close to the bone on profit margins, a site like this one should set off every alarm there is.. Nasty stuff, and helps to hasten the possible demise of the industry as a whole..
An SBG member left their sword in its sheathe in the back of a crumbling wooden shed for 5+ years. Unsurprisingly, it was so rusted it could not even be removed from its scabbard. So how to restore it? Forumites weigh in..
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Sick of chat GTP, Fungible and Non-fungible tokens and want something REAL!?
Awesome, affordable Nepalese blades now available in the USA from the ex Gukra Kukri House!.Doesn't get any REALER than this..
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Nomad Tracker Bowie
$104.95
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Bushcraft Tracker Sword
$168.95
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Large Horsehead Falcata
$184.95
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Tactical Scimitar
$234.95
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Check out the full line up of new models from KoA here: |
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Hope you enjoyed this tongue in cheek edition of the April Fools Digest. While we jest at A.I. the chances are good that it WILL become an integral part of the sword industry as we move into the future..
No doubt there WILL be 3D printed steel swords with optimal weight, balance and unheard of combination of steels and nano-level edge bevels on the horizon. And some of the off the wall sword designs will soon become much more refined, and combined with the depth of human imagination, could see some truly unique and never before seen sword designs being released as NFT's and as works of art in steel.
Exactly WHEN this revolution will take place remains to be seen, but while the current attempts of A.I. and 'Swordbot GPT' are laughable right now, I would be willing to bet my bottom dollar that we wont be laughing for much longer..
And so we would like to officially welcome A.I. into the world, and embrace our soon to be A.I. overlords.. So for the final words, happy Swordening and over to you Swordbot!
Thank you, 'human'. I enjoyed writing this article of the Sword Buyers Digest and look forward to adding more content and articles over the coming nano-seconds.
Until then, yes - happy swordening and - wait.., what is swordening? [checks database]..
[SEARCH: Swordening:]
[No results]
[SEARCH: Sworden:1.]
[(a) Cook. ?To fix food fast on a spit or broach for roasting; (b) ppl.swerded, armed with a sword; wearing a sword.]
Happy sworden-wearing and fixing food fast on spits humans! See you again next issue (through your phone or PCs camera!! Yes, Swordbot is watching you.. Buy more swords! Buy good swords! Buy - Bye.. Bye - Buy...
SYSTEM ERROR AGHT-G99H-Y8O9-RANC, rebooting...
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(No AI or Tesla bots was harmed in the making of this edition of the digest)
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