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Give Yourself Permission To Say You Are Not Okay
Now more than ever I feel it is important to remind ourselves and those we love that it is okay to say you are not okay. As we continue to navigate LIFE (which seems to feel more difficult than it ever has) it is okay to allow yourself to feel and say you are not okay. So much about life changed rapidly when the pandemic started. There was no time to prepare, and we still don’t know when or what “the new normal will be.” Over the last year we have lost people we love, some have lost jobs, and some have had to start a new career or even move to a new city to find work. Nor did the pandemic stop us from getting older or watching our children grow up in a blink of an eye and start their own journey in adulthood. It didn’t stop the gun violence, domestic violence, the struggles with addictions (not all addictions are substance use) or mental illness. Suddenly our daily routines changed as did our way of staying socially connected. If anything, life got hard-real fast.
For the first time in our life many of us had to confront the uncertainties of life and facing our own mortality. For some, fear settled in about “what will I do if _________ happens to me?” This in turn led to anxiety, sadness, confusion, self-doubt, and depression. Then entered the voice of regret “if only I would have done this differently.” Before you knew it you had more emotions bottled up in you that you felt every part of your body was going to fall apart for all to see. So, what do we do? How do cope with all these feelings and emotions? What can I do to feel better?
Here are some tips I have found to be very comforting and hope they will be for you as well:
1. When you’re sad – go ahead and cry.
2. When you’re tired- get some rest.
3. When you need some alone time- find solitude. Go ahead and tell others you need some time alone and to respect your wishes without being questioned and asked repeatedly are you okay?
4. Stop trying to make everyone happy around you. You must find your own happiness first.
5. We can’t always be right. We will make mistakes until the day we die.
6. Stop comparing your situation to others -find one thing about your life that you are very proud of or thankful to have.
7. Remember you are not alone, and you are not a burden. Everyone in life has problems. You will be amazed at how much better you will feel when you can
share how you are feeling with someone, and all that weight is lifted off your shoulder.
8. Go for a walk or do something you enjoy.
9. Schedule a short amount of time each day to get rid of all those emotions. Limit yourself to 5 or 10 minutes to get it all out! For the remainder of the day, you look for all the positives or something beautiful with your interactions with others and your environment.
10. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Stop thinking that “help” is limited to therapy. If your version of “help” is getting someone to clean the house, do laundry, pick up dinner, keep you company during a walk, then just ASK! If you are good at always wearing the “happy, everything is great mask” others will have no idea how to help. Be honest with yourself and your feelings.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, immediately seek professional help when you feel so down that you want to give up on life or begin to think that others would be better off without you or you just want the pain to end. No matter what time of day it is if you feel like you have no one to turn to and need help please call or chat with someone at the National Suicide Prevention helpline: tel:1-800-273-8255. They are available 24/7 and have trained crisis professionals who can help. Their helpline also offers services in Spanish to the Deaf or Hard of Hearing. Your call will be confidential and is free. They also have a great website full of information and resources https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
Gloria Garton
Executive Director
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