LUE-42 Enterprises June 2022 Ezine

I Believe In Fairness, Fun, And Sharing What I’ve Learned With The People Who Make This Planet A Great Place To Live

Issue 136, June 2022

May was jam packed with projects, laughter, tears, and beers. I kicked off the month by bowling in a fundraiser for Pay It Forward With Football. Football fans and a few Elks players came out and raised some money while having some fun and bowling poorly (speaking for myself). I can't wait to do it again!

The CFL featured prominently in my life in May, including the Elks Women's Dinner in support of Ovarian Cancer Research, the (eventual) ratification of a Collective Bargaining Agreement between the League and the Players' Association, CFL training camps, the Turf District podcast, and the first pre-season games. From a football point of view, at least, my world is starting to look more normal.

For the 8th anniversary of Script Salon, I read 8 minutes from my play "Trail and Error." Being in front of an audience isn't my natural place, but it wasn't as traumatic as the Chilkoot Trail, the subject of the play. It was fun to get out and hear excerpts from other playwrights and I sincerely hope this flicker inside me is inspiration for another play.

May was a month of connecting with friends and breaking bread (or sharing brews): A wedding, a day trip to the lake, having my ironing done (!), and so much more.

May is also prime time for Annual General Meetings, and I had my fair share of those. I also attended a building and mural dedication at the Canterbury Foundation, which did a nice job bringing reconciliation into the ceremony. I delivered a few webinars for board's looking to brush up on their roles and responsibilities and for dysfunctional boards who needed to hear the same things at the same time (hey, it happens and you know it!). It is a privilege to be trusted to do that kind of work.

May was also a big month in terms of honouring life and death. My mom's birthday, Mother's Day, and the anniversary of her passing are the trifecta of laughter and grief for me. In addition, we committed Brian's remains (interred in a yellow submarine) back to the earth along with many treasures and stories. This was an important rite of passage for both Brian and me. I am sad for families who keep urns containing their ancestors in the back of the closet.

To that end, I completed my new will, Personal Directive, and Power of Attorney. This is another thing I know people put off, but please do it! I have been the personal representative (executrix) on a few estates and I can't stress enough how important this is. If you're not ready for the lawyer chat right now, grab a kit from Staples and start filling it out. Trust me.

Related to this, the continuing cull of my "stuff" is now focused on photos. I am now the custodian of not only my own photos but Brian's, my mom's, my dad's, both grandmothers, etc. This is a time consuming process; its impacts are not obvious in the moment, but I am confident in the long term payoff for putting myself through this. There is no one who can do it as well once I'm gone.

To add beauty to my life I took out a local flower subscription through Love and Fantasy Flowers and the first bouquet arrived at just the right moment. If you have a local grower where you are, please consider supporting them. We could all use more beauty. Enjoy your June!

/lmwe

"Most of the time, everyone deserves

more than one chance."

-- Celeste Ng

Dangers of Over Apologizing

I've been on about this topic for awhile; perhaps you've even been in my audience at a conference or two. Well, things haven't really gotten better so I'm going to remind us about when "I'm sorry" works and when it doesn't.

The advice applies to all areas of our life of course, but board members (who are known for being kind and accommodating) are notorious users of "I'm sorry" at the wrong times.

I stumbled upon an article that read much like one I read years ago in a business magazine, this one by Kristi (Daily Motivation, May 22/22). She opens with, "If you’ve found yourself apologizing when you’re not really sorry, apologizing for something out of your control, or apologizing for something that you really shouldn’t be sorry for at all, then you may need to take note."

We can agree that a sincere apology works when you've hurt someone's feelings or done something wrong. "Sincere" is the key word because over apologizing, especially for what isn't your fault or within your control, dilutes the sincerity behind it.

Here are times when you shouldn't apologize:

1. When it’s not your fault.

"It doesn’t matter if you “feel” responsible, if you aren’t actually responsible for the mistake, you shouldn’t apologize." Know what is and isn't your responsibility.

2. When it’s out of your control.

If there is nothing you could have done to avoid the situation, you can explain but don't apologize. As an alternative, if your actions caused inconvenience to another, you could thank them for their patience.

3. When no real mistake has been made.

We all handle things differently. "Don't apologize for being emotional (or not emotional) over something that other people feel a certain way over, or for using different or unexpected methods to get the correct result." This isn’t a mistake.

4. When you’ve spoken your mind.

"There is no need to apologize for having a different opinion from other people, or for saying what you really think about something." You don't need to be rude, though.

5. When you’re being yourself.

"You don’t need to apologize for making your voice heard."

We need to stop thinking of "I'm sorry" as a vehicle for “being polite.” How often have you heard a Board Chair speak to a Director -- "I'm sorry, but you've already spoken to this question" or "I'm sorry, but you've missed three meetings without excuse so the Board has interpreted this as your resignation" or "I'm sorry but our time is up on this item." You get the picture...so please stop it!

In addition to diluting your sincere and appropriate apologies, an inappropriate "I'm sorry" can make others automatically blame you for things or to see you as one who always makes mistakes! Of course, there is also the wear and tear on your self-esteem, because you could start believing it too!

So please think before you lob out an "I'm sorry" to preface you comments. It truly does make a difference.

Here is a link to the article.

/lmwe

"Never make a defense or an apology

until you are accused."

-- King Charles I

"Never run an apology with an excuse."

-- Benjamin Franklin

Some People Who Made Life Better in May

William & Lorena Allen, Ginny Arnott-Wood, Claire Barton, David Cheoros, Glyn Eales, Celeste Fitzpatrick, Liz Garratt, Jim Gwartney & Donna Stonehocker, Angela Hansen, Andrew Hoskins, Mike Kierstead, Chris Kirkman, Katherine Kohler, Lynn & Don MacAskill, Pat Macdonald, Karen MacKenzie, Moira MacKinnon, Sherrill McGilvray, John Mellec, David Miriguay, Mel & Scott Oberg, Hector Pothier, Paul Rechner, Lori Schmidt, Wanda Stephens, Donna Stonehocker, Theresa Tsoukalas, Gerry West, Gord West, Jason & Elana West, Lil West, Chris Wood & Bobbie Fitzgerald, Jenny Wood Narine, Jill Wood, Peter & Helga Wood

"Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can change someone else's life forever."

-- Margaret Cho