Sometimes I’m taken aback at how I can go about my day with great ease and then suddenly I have an experience that triggers me and instantly I am pushed out of the present moment and out of mindfulness. Yes, this still happens to me. The difference now is that it used to take me days, even weeks to resolve it in my head where now it takes only minutes. I also know that my constant practice of awareness, mindfulness and kindness gets me out of my negative thinking more quickly.
Last week I went to the bank to do a transaction. It all looked great until I got the paperwork and realized it wasn’t what I had expected. It was ok, it would work but it was not what I expected. Since there was a line behind me, I decided to take the paperwork and let it be, but I quickly got very angry, agitated and blamed the young girl for not getting it right. She was wrong, I was right, this thought kept repeating in my head, over and over.
As I walked out of the building, I asked myself, “why are you so angry?” The first thought I had was “she didn’t do what I expected her to do.” I realized the key words were, “what I expected her to do.” Then I asked myself, did the teller do her job. And the answer was “yes.” Did she do it like I wanted it done, “no.” Right there and then I came to the realization, the teller did her job as she was supposed to but because it wasn’t how I thought it would be doesn’t make her wrong. That was my first realization – she was not in error.
With that awareness, my anger quickly dissolved. The other awareness was my own expectation. I thought, with the billions of people on this planet what are the chances that I will always get what I expect? Chances are, sometimes I will get what I expect but there is a very good chance many times I will not. With so many people that I interact with that have their own expectations, their own thinking, beliefs, etc., chances of it all lining up to meet everyone’s expectation is probably not going to happen all the time. More calmness set in. Then a quote came to mind,
“The words of the tongue should have three gatekeepers” Arab Proverb
Before words get past the lips
· First gatekeeper asks, “is it true?”
· Second gatekeeper asks, “is it kind?”
· Third gatekeeper asks, “is it necessary?”
As I thought about this quote, I realized my blaming the young girl was not accurate nor was it true. Then, I realized I would be better off, for my sake, to be kind to the girl and the whole situation for the truth was, the transaction was ok and nothing was being jeopardized because of her action. Was my anger and frustration necessary, absolutely not.
That is how I came to peace with a situation that spiraled me quickly into anger and frustration. I let it all go and suddenly I was back in peace in my mind and in my body.
