Introducing
Esther Perel and "Relational Intelligence"
Esther Perel, Ph.D. Psychotherapist
Our struggle to create lasting relationships
is not our fault, but we can do something about it;
famed therapist Esther Perel says
TRAUMA TALK BLOG | OCTOBER-NOVEMBER 2022
Sources from Esther Perel's Website, and Internet articles, interviews, and YouTube videos.
|
|
Diana's Message:
Recently, a good friend from Illinois introduced me to articles, podcasts, interviews, and youtube videos about Esther Perel - I was immediately hooked. The extensive career span of her 35 years teaching what she calls:
"Relational Intelligence."
Her theories and perspective based on her direct experiences have reshaped how I now think about relationships, from family and friends to intimacy and loved ones.
We have so many choices on how we interact, respond to love and disharmony, learn to meet our own needs and not rely on others, and so much more.
www.traumatalkblog.com
|
|
Esther says home is where we learn about trust, love, loyalty, and commitment. If you had read any of my previous blog stories, you could imagine how much I knew I had to learn outside of my dysfunctional childhood home because none of those qualities were taught to us inside our home.
Keep reading below to discover more that Esther has to offer.
I also included her famous podcast, therapy sessions with couples, and her TED Talk Video.
|
|
The following Blog will be in December. I will be traveling overseas for most of November. As always, thanks for reading and commenting! Enjoy, Diana
|
|
Esther Perel, the renowned psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author, acknowledges the modern factors that have made true connections that are much more challenging.
She is a Belgian-American psychotherapist of Polish-Jewish descent. She has explored the tension between the need for security (love, belonging, and closeness) and the need for freedom (erotic desire, adventure, and distance) in human relationships.
Perel promoted the concept of "erotic intelligence" in her book Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence (2006), which has been translated into 24 languages.
After publishing the book, she became an international advisor on sex and relationships.
|
|
She gave a TED talk in February 2013 called "The secret to desire in a long-term relationship" and another in March 2015 called "Rethinking infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved."
Perel is the host of the podcast Where Should We Begin? , which is based inside her therapist's office as she sees anonymous couples searching for insight into topics such as infidelity, sexlessness, and grief.
In 2016, Perel was added to Oprah Winfrey's Supersoul 100 list of visionaries and influential leaders.
|
|
"On social media, we may scroll through someone’s recent acceptance to law school, new dog, or engagement ring, but we aren’t really keeping up with them.
People naturally drift apart, but it’s been more challenging to maintain relationships or meet that first work friend as our lives moved to the screen, whipping away our chance to run into a coworker on the way to lunch.
Technology has a way of keeping people on our radar but not in our lives.
|
|
Perel argues that the expectations for romantic relationships are higher than ever due to trends such as the secularization of Western society, the rise of individualism, and the societal "mandate" for personal happiness."
Perel, whose passion for wanting to “revive” over “survive” is largely drawn from her background as a child of Holocaust survivors, works as a counselor for couples and families—and sees the need for relational intelligence as an urgent matter.
|
|
|
Never before have our expectations of marriage
taken on such epic proportions.
|
|
7 Verbs That Shape the Way You Love
|
|
What is so different about relationships today?
Why does modern love seem so damn hard?
- How can you avoid an affair?
- When trust is broken, can it be healed?
- Are relationship skills universal, or can you be a different person at home than at work?
Echoed with breathless anticipation, these are among the most common questions posed to me at dinner parties, happy hours, patient sessions, and in the yoga waiting room.
However, across all of them, there is one question that remains my favorite:
Where do we learn to love, and how?
“To love” is a skill cultivated, not merely a state of enthusiasm. It is dynamic and active. It is imbued with intention and responsibility.
And it is a verb.
As a person that speaks nine languages, I’ve learned how important it is to practice the basic verbs (of a new language).
These are the first we learn for speech, and I’ve come to believe that they are also the first we learn in love.
______________________________
|
ESTHER'S PODCAST:
Where Should We Begin?
Listen as real couples anonymously bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their story in the office of Esther Perel.
|
|
Esther pays special attention to these seven:
- to ask
- to take
- to receive
- to give
- to share
- to refuse
- to play/imagine
When we learn these verbs as children, some grow strong while others grow weak. As adults, they become built into the foundations of our defense mechanisms, survival strategies, strengths, and vulnerabilities.
So, if you want a modern history lesson on how you learned to love, I’d advise you to look at your verbs.
Ask yourself:
- Which of these verbs is strongest for you?
- And which is the weakest?
- Is there one that could use a little extra care?
Since all of them come into play when we face the everyday demands of love, conflict, and connection, you may find some are a bit more robust than others.
As you embark on this self-assessment, notice which relational skills need a little extra practice.
And I challenge you to pick one verb this month and make it a focus. Give it massaging, caring, and effort to build that muscle.
|
Her podcast is a space for people to be heard and understood and also a place for us to listen and feel empowered in our own relationships
|
|
|
"When we seek the gaze of another, it isn’t always our
partner that we are turning away from,
but the person that we have ourselves become.
And it isn’t so much that we are looking for another person, as much as we are looking for another self."
|
|
About Diana and Trauma Talk
(click on images and links below to explore)
|
|
and resources for you and your family.
|
|
You are receiving this email because you requested information from the sender. If you no longer wish to receive our communications, please unsubscribe below.
|
|
Not your email address, or unfamiliar with who we are?
This email message may have been forwarded to you by a friend or colleague.
|
|
|
I enjoy and appreciate your
insightful comments; please share this
blog and thanks for reading!
~Diana
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|