Things are not okay. You are likely not feeling okay. I am not feeling okay either. Not feeling okay is an appropriate response to events right now. If you find you’re being hard on yourself for feeling exhausted, afraid, angry and anxious or comparing yourself to those who you feel have it worse or who are truly in a fight of their lives, please know, this is a normal response to the relentless pressures of the moment and exactly how the nervous system is supposed to work. Staying there, as if we too are fighting for our lives, is where it can get problematic. While we are exponentially safer than those in battle, feeling grief and being horrified by what’s happening in the Ukraine and scared for humanity is our shared humanity in action. This quality of caring is critical for our connections, here and abroad, and powerful in carrying human spirits through times of despair. We are bearing witness and -- while staying engaged is ethical, responsible and important for the future -- we don’t all need to do this all the time. We must take turns. We must rest. Please rest.
We all need ways (and plans) to mitigate intensity and regulate our nervous systems. When the world feels, or truly is chaotic, being able to steady ourselves with simple rituals becomes essential. It’s grounding for ourselves and supportive for all. Imagine a world of adults who could care for their emotions and wellbeing skillfully. It would be the end of war. Back to basics isn’t basic at all. It’s life changing in times of acute distress. Daily tasks become a balm for resting in attention and gratitude: moments of rest, warm water from the faucet, a good meal, a talk with a caring person, kind connections. It’s a luxury to do so and right now, we must. It’s humbling encouragement to see this kind of presence possible even in a war zone. Emerging videos of Ukrainians gathering with other families in bunkers, supporting one another's safety, sharing resources, singing to their children, coordinating to secure safe places for brave “runners” between cities, and the incredible outpouring of compassion for the thousands fleeing into neighboring countries, received with housing, meals and assistance. Depending on your personal history and ties to the region, this may also be triggering and heartbreaking in a deeply held, multi-generational way. So much trauma will need to be healed and this too, will happen through relationships and in community.
And so, for this month’s wellness note, it’s an opportunity to emphasize how wellbeing, wellness and positive spaces for self-care must include, and not bypass, the reality of our environments and the inclusion of our global, national, individual or private battles. We are all connected. This is a scary time and how we show up for one another matters. How you show up for yourself matters too. So, how’s that going? It’s a rollercoaster, right? But even rollercoasters have safety checks, time-outs and a station for getting off the ride. While we cannot escape or ignore the horrors of our time or even the responsibilities of our daily lives, we can check on the story we tell ourselves and how we respond to the timing, the reactivity and the pace of what we do in any given day -- which is something around 86,400 moments, more or less. There are lots of chances to begin again. First, it can be helpful to name and recognize our feelings and second (third, fourth, fifth ... 30th, 100th) we can be ready to locate and allow our sources of refuge to provide some relief. We cannot think our bodies into calm states. We need to be able to shift our felt sense of danger/alertness toward relaxed control. So what are your refuges? Your safe places, people and activities which help you feel calm and re-centered? Here are three questions from a somatic approach to consider:
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Who are the people in my life that bring me a consistent feeling of being safe and welcome?
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What small things do I do that help me feel nourished, regulated and supported?
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Where are the places that I go that help me feel safe and happy?
This is also an opportunity to highlight the power of community and the significance of small acts of safety, compassion and presence shared in our daily lives. This is something we can personally influence and it can help mitigate the dreadful helplessness we feel when larger, global issues loom large in our collective consciousness. Love the people near you and let them love you back. Include yourself in this love.
In closing, as spring arrives and we are once again (thankfully) reminded of new beginnings in the shadows of terrible loss, a poem for hard times:
Wage Peace
by Judith Hill
Wage peace with your breath.
Breathe in firemen and rubble, breathe out whole buildings and flocks of red wing blackbirds.
Breathe in terrorists
and breathe out sleeping children and freshly mown fields.
Breathe in confusion and breathe out maple trees.
Breathe in the fallen and breathe out lifelong friendships intact.
Wage peace with your listening: hearing sirens, pray loud.
Remember your tools: flower seeds, clothes pins, clean rivers.
Make soup.
Play music; memorize the words for thank you in three languages.
Learn to knit, and make a hat.
Think of chaos as dancing raspberries,
imagine grief
as the out breath of beauty
or the gesture of fish.
Swim for the other side.
Wage peace.
Never has the world seemed so fresh and precious:
Have a cup of tea and rejoice.
Act as if armistice has already arrived.
Celebrate today.
