• That dream about sleeping through a final in college: its origins and purpose

• The relationship between people-pleasing and self-worth 

• The "genocide of authenticity," according to Gabor Mate

Please check out the library of available blog articles and podcast recordings.

• "Strangers to Ourselves" -- The Work of Tim Wilson 



• Emotional Infidelity 

The Men's Group Seminar: Self-Awareness: The Research of Organizational Psychologist Tasha Eurich 

According to organizational psychologist, researcher, and leadership expert Dr. Tasha Eurich (author of Bankable Leadership and, most recently, Insight: The Surprising Truth About How Others See Us, How We See Ourselves, and Why the Answers Matter More Than We Think), only about 10-15% of individuals assessed in her large-scale scientific investigation met criteria consistent with being self-aware (if you are curious about your own level of self-awareness, go to Eurich’s internet-based Insight Quiz). Additionally surprising is Eurich’s observation that previous work on self-awareness reveals little consistency and often glaring contradictions in how the construct has been defined and understood. Eurich identifies two types of self-awareness that are often erroneously used interchangeably: internal self-awareness refers to insight you possess regarding your own personal values, passions, aspirations, and personality tendencies, whereas external awareness captures your understanding of how others see you. Eurich’s findings portray intriguing differences in how these types of self-awareness play out in the workplace and beyond. Internal self-awareness is linked to higher job and relationship satisfaction, she has found, while external self-awareness appears to help leaders relate to their employees more effectively. More broadly, people who are strong in one type of self-awareness may not necessarily be equally skilled in the other type, leading Eurich to theorize four “leadership archetypes” (introspectors, seekers, aware, and pleasers). To increase self-awareness in her consulting work with senior executives, Eurich focuses on the assessment and development of three leadership “pillars” (values, reactions, and impact/openness to feedback). In the next virtual meeting of the Men’s Group Seminar on Saturday, October 15, 2022 (10:15 to 11:30 AM), we will consider Eurich’s approach to enhancing internal and external self-awareness. We will also discuss her notion of the fallibility of our  own self-perceptions (what she calls the “cult of self”) and her differentiating self-reflection (Why questions that often lead to rumination and unhappiness) from self-awareness (arrived at via What questions that generate objectivity, insight and action-oriented future direction). The TEDx talk “Increase Your Self-Awareness with One Simple Fix” and two interviews of Eurich (“The Science of Self Awareness” and “The Importance of Self-Awareness”) will be our focus.  

To register for this upcoming virtual seminar, please see the directions below.

The Relationship Group Seminar: Terry Real on "Toxic Individualism"



Terry Real is an acclaimed couples and family therapist whose books include I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression, The New Rules of Marriage, and, most recently, Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. A deep thinker on the dynamics of intimate relationships, Real provides a unique integration of psychological, political, and cultural factors that influence how we relate to others and to ourselves. He is especially interested in patriarchal attitudes and structures and their negative influence on relationships. His latest book focuses on relational skills that maintain a focus on “us” as opposed to knee-jerk/fight vs. flight reactions directed toward protecting oneself. He proposes a “relational mindfulness” perspective that, in the heat of the moment when partners are in conflict, avoids “you vs. me” thinking and instead emphasizes “us as a team.” For Real, cultural calls for “empowerment” often imply and promote adversarial pronouncements of “toxic individuality.” There is a difference, Real believes, between being “powerful” vs. being “connected.” Relational success involves the prioritizing of “soft loving power” that balances assertiveness with “generous” behavior; the latter ultimately moderates and supports the connectivity of the couple. In the next virtual meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on Saturday, October 15, 2022 (11:45 AM to 1:00 PM), we will discuss Real’s ideas on toxic individualism and relational intimacy. Interviews of Terry Real on the Therapist Uncensored and Being Well podcasts will be our focus. 

To register for this upcoming virtual seminar, please see the directions below.

The Psychodynamic Psychotherapy Group

A new psychodynamic psychotherapy group (for women and men) is currently forming in my practice. Referrals are welcomed (please contact me at 949-338-4388 or at jt@jamestobinphd.com). This therapy group will utilize the emerging dynamics among group members as a basis from which to examine characteristic ways of thinking, feeling, and relating to others. This group will be a therapeutic experience and entry occurs only after a pre-group screening interview and preparation phase. As of now, the time and location of this new group are TBD.