Ever have this "ah ha" moment? You're laboring over putting something together or solving an issue, and someone else takes a look and suggests another approach, which you try and voila - it works! And you wonder, "Why didn't I think of that?" They gave you a different perspective.
Changing our point of view or reframing our thoughts about a situation can be a huge help when we are trying to solve problems, make decisions and learn. It can also be a godsend when we want to feel differently.
When we appraise a situation, we interpret the meaning and impact it has for us. This contributes to the emotions that arise and the behaviors that we choose to do or not do. Our frame of reference shapes our attitude, how we interpret our life and our behaviors. When we reframe, the facts stay the same, but we see them from a different perspective. This in turn alters our point of view, changes the meaning, and shifts our thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Perspective creates distance which often leads to clarity. New options become available, and a once impossible situation may now seem more manageable.
When should you reframe?
Unless the house is burning down, it's usually helpful to get perspective. It stops being helpful when it causes you to become indecisive and not take action to move forward.
Ideal moments to reframe:
- when you are stuck
- when you are tired or bored of the same old, same old
- when you don't understand
- when what you are doing isn't working
- when you want to feel differently
Reframing is a practical, valuable tool. But like most things, it takes practice & skill.
Reframing Hacks
Shift from a passive voice to an active voice
Instead of, "I can't..., I'll never be able to...."
Try: "What's one small step I could take?"
Reframe problems as opportunities
"How can I learn from this?"
"What could be good about this?"
Reframe "I have to..." as "I get to..."
This changes an obligation into an opportunity
Ask a Better Question
As Tony Robbins says, whatever question we ask ourselves, our brains will seek & find an answer.
- "What am I missing?" This allows you to zoom out and get a bigger picture.
- "How do I want to be feeling? What thought do I need to think to have that feeling?"
- "What is similar about this situation to something I have had success with in the past?" "How can I use that now?"
Spin from Negative to Positive
"It's a heat wave and my AC is broken. Why do these things always happen to me at the worst time?"
Vs
"This is a good first world problem to have."
Change the Meaning
Situation: You are waiting for your friend, who is habitually late.
"I'm pissed that my friend is always late. It's like I'm last on her list and don't matter."
Try asking: "What else could this mean?"
New answer: "My friend's plate is pretty full. I'm glad she's making the time to get together, even if she's late."
In this situation, the facts are the same, but we've changed our self-talk and the meaning we give the behavior.
Change the Narrative
The stories we tell ourselves shape our world. We have the ability to rewrite those stories and create new ones. Is your story serving you in a good way? If it empowers you, creates a positive state -- Super! Keep it! But if it is disempowering, you might want to change your view, rethink and rewrite it.
Try asking:
- Is this story true?
- Can I absolutely know it's true?
- How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought (story)?
- Who would you be without that thought (story)?
Seek Perspective From Others
Bring outsiders to the discussion. Maybe it's a trusted family member, friend mentor or colleague. Someone who is not directly involved but understands the topic and can freely express their mind. Remember, you are gaining input, not necessarily a solution.
There are many ways to change our perspective. Pick one or two to play with. See which ones work for you and incorporate them on a regular basis. The impact of changing our perspective sometimes makes all the difference.
