LOVE AND LOGIC
If you’re familiar with the Love and Logic approach, then you’re familiar with the tremendous power of empathy and the critical role that it plays in successfully using Love and Logic with your kids. Empathy has become even more important over the past year as we all struggle to understand the many difficult events that have occurred in our lives.
As a child I witnessed empathy transform our family. I watched as my mother and father began to understand the following important principles:
Consequences provided with anger result in resentment.
Consequences proceeded by empathy build
personal responsibility.
My parents’ journey from anger to empathy was not without occasional potholes, wrong turns, construction zones, and fender benders. It’s been the same for me as I continue to learn how to be an effective parent, husband, business manager, and consultant.
The truth is that we all struggle with this skill in one way or another and we need reminders to help us on the journey from anger to empathy. Here are a few little reminders to keep ourselves headed in the right direction:
• Remember that it’s okay to delay consequences.
When you’re too angry to think straight or to be empathetic, give yourself a gift by giving yourself some time to calm down, think, and get help from others
• Post your “empathetic statement” around the house.
Memorize your empathetic statement by posting it all over the house on little “sticky notes.”
• Don’t be afraid to take care of yourself by setting and enforcing solid limits.
Many parents have problems with getting angry because they haven’t set enough good, solid limits with their children. One of my favorite limits sounds like, “I do___________ for kids when they are treating me with respect.”
• Resist the urge to remind.
It is very important to remember that the more warnings or reminders we give our kids, the more stressed and frustrated we will become. Take care of yourself, and your child, by replacing words with actions.
Thousands of parents around the world have learned how to replace anger with empathy by listening to our audio, Keeping Cool When Parenting Heats Up. You’ll love it, and it’s much less expensive than therapy.
Thank you for reading! If this is a benefit, forward to a friend. Our goal is to help as many families as possible.
Dr. Charles Fay
