SHARE:  


“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” — Maya Angelou


By Bethany Klynn


Emotions are a normal part of everyday life. We feel frustrated when we’re stuck in traffic. We feel sad when we miss our loved ones. We can get angry when someone lets us down or does something to hurt us. 

While we expect to feel these emotions regularly, some people start to experience higher highs and lower lows. There can be a number of reasons that someone loses control of their emotions. They may be genetically predisposed to these rapid changes. They may never have seen good emotional regulation modeled or learned the skills. They may lose control when they experience triggers for negative situations that happened in the past. There can also be physical changes that cause a person to lose control of their emotions, such as exhaustion or a drop in blood sugar. 

The good news is that we can learn better self-regulation. We can all benefit from learning strategies to control our emotions. Emotional regulation is the ability to better control our emotional state.


What are emotional control and regulation?

Emotional control and regulation is taking any action that alters the intensity of an emotional experience. It doesn’t mean suppressing or avoiding emotions. With emotional regulation skills, you can influence which emotions you have as well as how you express them.

Ultimately, it refers to the ability to effectively exert control over our emotions through a wide range of approaches. 

Some people are better at regulating their emotions than others. They are high in emotional intelligence and are aware of both their internal experiences and the feelings of others. While it may seem like they're just "naturally calm," these people experience negative feelings too. They've just developed coping strategies that allow them to self-regulate difficult emotions. 


Why is emotional regulation important?

As adults, we are expected to manage our emotions in ways that are socially acceptable and help us navigate our lives. When our emotions get the better of us, they can cause problems. Sometimes, stressful situations can evoke especially powerful emotions

When we cannot properly moderate our anger, we are likely to say things that hurt those around us and cause them to pull away. We may regret the things we’ve said or have to spend time repairing relationships. 


 5 emotion regulation skills you can master

There are a number of skills that can help us self-regulate our emotions. 

1. Create space

Emotions happen fast. We don’t think “now I will be angry” — we are just suddenly clench-jawed and furious. So the number one skill in regulating difficult emotions, the gift we can give ourselves, is to pause. Take a breath. Slow down the moment between trigger and response.

2. Noticing what you feel

An equally important skill involves the ability to become aware of what you’re feeling. Dr. Judson Brewer, MD Ph.D. recommends practices for becoming more curious about your own physical reactions. Tune in to yourself and consider: in what parts of your body are you noticing sensations? Is your stomach upset? Is your heart racing? Do you feel tension in your neck or head? Your physical symptoms can be clues to what you are experiencing emotionally. Inquiring into what is happening to you physically can also distract your focus and allow some of the intensity of the emotion to go away.

3. Naming what you feel

After noticing what you feel, the ability to name it can help you get control of what is happening. Ask yourself: what would you call the emotions you’re feeling? Is it anger, sadness, disappointment, or resentment? What else is it? One strong emotion that often hides beneath others is fear. Many of us feel more than one emotion at a time, so don’t hesitate to identify multiple emotions you might be feeling. Then dig a little deeper. If you feel fear, what are you afraid of? If you feel anger, what are you angry about or toward? Being able to name your emotions will help you get one step closer to sharing your emotions with others.

4. Accepting the emotion

Emotions are a normal and natural part of how we respond to situations. Rather than beating yourself up for feeling angry or scared, recognize that your emotional reactions are valid. Try to practice self-compassion and give yourself grace. Recognize that experiencing emotions is a normal human reaction.

5. Practicing mindfulness

Mindfulness helps us “live in the moment” by paying attention to what is inside us. Use your senses to notice what is happening around you in nonjudgmental ways. These skills can help you stay calm and avoid engaging in negative thought patterns when you are in the midst of emotional pain.


 7 strategies that can help you regulate your emotions

There are a number of emotion regulation strategies that people can master to build their coping skills. There are two broad categories of emotional regulation. The first is reappraisal: changing how we think about something in order to change our response. The second is suppression, which is linked to more negative outcomes. Research indicates that ignoring our emotions is associated with dissatisfaction and poor well-being.



Let’s look at 7 strategies that can help to manage emotions in a healthy and helpful way. 

1. Identify and reduce triggers 

You shouldn’t try to avoid negative emotions — or be afraid of them. But you also don’t have to keep putting yourself in a situation that brings on unpleasant emotions. Start to look for patterns or factors that are present when you start to feel strong emotions. This requires some curiosity and honesty. Did something make you feel small? Strong emotions often spring up out of our deep-seated insecurities, especially the ones we hide. What is happening around you and what past experiences does it bring up for you? When you identify these triggers, you can start to explore why they carry so much weight and whether you can reduce their importance.

2. Tune into physical symptoms 

Pay attention to how you are feeling, including whether you are feeling hungry or tired. These factors can exacerbate your emotions and cause you to interpret your emotions more strongly. If you can address the underlying issue (e.g. hunger, exhaustion), you can change your emotional response.

3. Consider the story you are telling yourself 

In the absence of information, we fill in the blanks with details of our own. Perhaps you are feeling rejected after you haven’t heard from a family member; you believe it is because they no longer care about you.

Before you make these attributions, ask yourself: what other explanations might be possible? In the example of the family member, what else could be going on with them that would stop them from reaching out to you? Could they be busy or sick? Are they a well-intentioned person who often forgets to follow through on commitments? 

Shonna Waters recommends the “just like me” technique. Whatever motive or action you are assigning to the other person (there’s almost always another person involved), add “just like me” to the end. It is a way of reminding yourself that they are also an imperfect human being. 

4. Engage in positive self-talk

When our emotions feel overwhelming, our self-talk can become negative: “I messed up again” or “everyone else is so awful.” If you treat yourself with empathy, you can replace some of this negative talk with positive comments. Try encouraging yourself by saying “I always try so hard” or “People are doing the best they can.” This shift can help mitigate the emotions we’re feeling. You can still be frustrated with a situation that isn’t working but no longer have to assign blame or generalize it beyond the situation.

5. Make a choice about how to respond

In most situations, we have a choice about how to respond. If you tend to respond to feelings of anger by lashing out at people, you likely notice the negative impact it is having on your relationships. You might also notice that it doesn’t feel good. Or, it feels good at the moment, but the consequences are painful. Next time you feel anger or fear, recognize that you get to choose how you want to respond. That recognition is powerful. Rather than lashing out, can you try a different response? Is it possible for you to tell someone that you’re feeling angry rather than speaking harshly to them? Get curious about what will happen if you switch up your responses. How did you feel? How did the other person respond?

6. Look for positive emotions

Human beings naturally attribute more weight to negative emotions than positive ones. This is known as negativity bias. Negative emotions, like disgust, anger, and sadness tend to carry a lot of weight. Positive feelings, like contentment, interest, and gratitude are quieter. Making a habit of noticing these positive experiences can boost resilience and well-being.


By Elizabeth Perry


Self-actualization’s definition gives the impression that it’s a simple concept, but reaching the full realization of who you are is a complicated process. 

Self-actualization looks different for everyone. Examining and reflecting on self-actualization examples can help you decide what your journey might look like. These examples will inspire you to plot a course and manifest your complete range of capabilities, recognizing both your strengths and your life goals. And with that knowledge, you can use self-improvement to bring your ideals to reality.


What are self-actualization needs?

In psychology, self-actualization first arose from German neurologist and psychiatrist Kurt Goldstein. He argued that the drive to reach one’s full potential motivates every organism’s behavior, not just humans. 

But this term didn’t become popular until 1943, when American psychologist Abraham Maslow, who specialized in humanistic psychology, published “A theory of human motivation.” Maslow’s text refined Goldstein’s original self-actualization theory to apply exclusively to humans. 

According to Maslow, self-actualization is at the summit of a hierarchy of needs every person requires to thrive and can only occur once they address lower-level necessities. Maslow's hierarchy of needs divides the requirements for human existence into five levels and three categories:

1. Basic needs

This category breaks down into two levels, representing the fundamentals of human survival. The first is physiological needs, which covers the things people need to keep their bodies alive, like food, water, and shelter. The second is safety needs, which address physical security, resources and employment, and health.

2. Psychological needs 

Once someone has addressed these fundamental human needs, they can focus on the next category — psychological needs. This group of requirements helps people function and thrive within their communities.

The first in this category, and third in overall needs, is love and belonging. At this level of hierarchy, a person searches for social connection via friendly, romantic, and familial relationships. 

After that comes esteem needs. Once someone secures love and belonging, internal and external status can become behavioral motivators. At this level, people seek respect, confidence, and recognition of what makes them special and unique.

3. Self-actualization needs

People reaching the highest level of Maslow's hierarchy have addressed all their basic and psychological needs and have moved on, searching to become their true selves. This stage is about finding your purpose in life, whether that’s making art, serving your community, or achieving autonomy.

In Maslow’s 1954 book Motivation and Personality, he said:

“Musicians must make music, artists must paint, poets must write if they are to be ultimately at peace with themselves. What human beings can be, they must be. They must be true to their own nature. This need we may call self-actualization.”


The expanded needs

Before he died in 1970, Maslow expanded the hierarchy and concept of self-actualization to include three new needs groups. Between esteem needs and self-actualization, he added:

4. Cognitive needs

Cognitive needs are the source of curiosity. They include the drive to explore, learn more about the world around you, and interact with inspiring and enriching people. 

5. Aesthetic needs

Aesthetic needs are behind creative pursuits and the appreciation of beauty. This could come in many forms, like making art or simply consuming it.

6. Transcendence 

Maslow's theory postulates that to reach human potential, one must look beyond the self and find meaning and a sense of purpose in altruistic actions. This practice, known as transcendence, is the ultimate goal of self-actualization.


6 examples of self-actualization needs


Self-actualization is a lifelong journey, and as you move through different stages, your needs will change. What helps you self-actualize in your 50s could differ entirely from your needs in your 20s. You need to check in routinely with the things that fulfill you to stay on the same path toward Maslow’s idea of transcendence. 

If you’re unsure what will help you reinvent yourself and your place in the world, consider these self-actualization goals:

1. To feel good about yourself

Having a strong sense of self and appreciating your qualities, strengths, and positive characteristics builds self-confidence and contributes to your sense of worth. When you take the time to think about your strengths and the things that make you unique, you can feel satisfied with who you are, which contributes to self-actualization. 

2. To contribute

Some people’s ambition is to do meaningful work, and that can become an essential part of achieving self-actualization. Contributing to the world with an innovative job or to your community with volunteering opportunities can give you the gratification you need.

3. To take risks

To self-actualize, you need to grow, and sometimes growth requires taking a chance. By getting out of your comfort zone and opening yourself to healthy risks, you find opportunities for new experiences and the potential to learn from your mistakes

4. To have your value recognized

It’s scientifically proven that people want to feel like what they do matters. When you know that your presence is significant and other people value your contributions, you might feel a sense of purpose. And with that knowledge, you might feel like you’ve fulfilled your life’s goal and become the best version of yourself.

5. To nurture

For some people, the desire to care and contribute to other’s development and well-being becomes their self-actualization goal. Teachers, healthcare professionals, and social workers all experience the desire to help others and support new generations. But parents and active community members may also feel the same thing. 

6. To leave the world a better place

There are always challenges facing society, and some people’s primary concern is to help the world overcome those hurdles. These people might become activists, advocates, or supporters of causes to improve their communities and the planet overall. 


10 characteristics of self-actualized people 

In 2018, American cognitive scientist and author Scott Barry Kaufman reviewed Maslow’s journals and identified 10 characteristics of self-actualized people, then evaluated them with an eye on applicability to modern times.

These 10 traits are:

1. Continued freshness of appreciation

No matter how familiar they are with an activity or topic, self-actualized people can approach them with new eyes. They appreciate the possibility of pleasure, awe, or a novel perspective, bringing wonder to everything they do.

2. Self-acceptance

Reaching your true self means recognizing your strengths and weaknesses and accepting them as an aspect of your unique personality. Self-actualized people have healthy levels of self-esteem and avoid conflict between their internal experience and external representation.

3. Authenticity

Even in the most trying circumstances and environments, someone who is self-actualized maintains dignity and self-respect. They know their worth and ensure their behavior reflects this. 

4. Equanimity

No one can expect to go through life without roadblocks. Self-actualized people understand this and react to inevitable challenges with acceptance and grace. They’ll endure hard times with their optimism and sense of humor intact, letting themselves feel upset without surrendering to it.

5. Purpose

Self-actualized people feel it's their duty not only to develop talents and capabilities but also to find their purpose in life. To them, it's not enough to have goals and objectives — it's their mission to follow their passions and find fulfillment.

6. Efficient perception of reality

People who’ve met all of Maslow’s needs love learning and perceiving the world, preferring to dig deep into a subject or spend their time getting to know someone. When they offer an opinion or make a judgment, it’s made based on facts and evidence.

7. Humanitarianism

With the process of self-actualization comes a desire to share one’s skills and talents to make the world a better place.

8. Peak experiences

Self-actualizers live life to the fullest, experiencing awe-inspiring moments of pure joy and profound understanding. These moments bring new perspectives on purpose and fulfillment, often approaching a spiritual nature.

9. Good moral intuition

Along with the self-awareness of strengths and weaknesses comes the ability to see their behavior with clarity. A self-actualized person can identify moments that don’t live up to the moral standards they set, and with that recognition comes the push to make things right.

10. Creative spirit

Self-actualized people often have a creative spark that they bring to their professional and personal lives. Whether it’s a pastime or during routine housework, they find ways to make day-to-day activities fun, fresh, and engaging.


Between a busy work schedule and personal responsibilities, things start to pile up — whether those are physical items like dirty dishes and old nick-nacks or mental ones like overdue tasks and unread emails.

A minimalist lifestyle can help you clean up the extra clutter, guiding you to keep only the things you need. It can give you deeper mental clarity, reduce stress, and ultimately enhance your overall well-being. 

Embracing minimalist tips and living with less doesn’t mean getting rid of all your things or living with the bare minimum. The long-term goal is to audit bad habits and thoughtfully assess what you truly need. By prioritizing the things that add meaning to your life, you enhance efficiency and emotional balance.


What’s minimalism?

Minimalism is a movement with the goal of reducing physical and mental clutter on an individual basis. People who practice it own fewer items and try to find more purpose in the things they own or practice, developing enhanced organizational skills to guide day-to-day decisions more efficiently. 

To better understand the concept, here are some examples of what a minimalist person is or sometimes looks like in pop culture. They’re someone who: 

  • Lives in a small home, cutting down on space and possessions and saving time on maintenance
  • Carefully manages a budget, allowing them to invest and save money to develop a stronger financial foundation for the future
  • Prioritizes experiences over material possessions, choosing to invest in hobbies and quality time with loved ones rather than accumulating items
  • Avoids unnecessary digital distractions, like excessive social media or cell phone use, to focus on more fulfilling free time activities
  • Only purchases reusable products and builds personal responsibility about adopting more sustainable habits that create less waste
  • Adopts organizational routines to improve efficiency and avoid burnout, like putting items away after using them or breaking the day up into different productivity blocks


5 benefits of minimalism

Lifestyle changes are never easy. They require patience, flexibility, and careful planning. To help you take the plunge and learn how to live as a minimalist, here are five benefits to consider:

1. Less clutter, less stress

Messy spaces aren’t just inconvenient. An article in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin reports that mess creates cognitive overloads that signal the release of the stress hormone cortisol, which pushes your body out of its natural homeostasis. Over time, chronic and acute stress negatively impacts your body and mind, from decreasing your memory function to lowering the effectiveness of your nervous system. Keeping a clean space is one simple step to supporting better physical and mental health. 

2. Improved collaboration 

Arriving late for work because you lost track of your keys, or losing time searching through stacks of disorganized documents, are avoidable time-wasters. These bad habits could end up poorly reflecting your work ethic and reputation. Relationships are built on trust and respect, and streamlining your spaces could help you show up for the people who depend on you. 

3. Enhanced productivity and focus

Your brain is constantly processing information and stimuli, and the more physical objects you have in your space, the harder your brain works to filter them out, according to research from the Journal of Neuroscience. The extra work can make you tired and reduce your productivity. Organizing and avoiding clutter saves you time and mental effort.

4. Happier life

Insights from Social Indicators Research reveal that satisfaction with your standard of living helps define your life satisfaction. Materialists might define their standard of living based on how they perceive their wealth or material possessions, while minimalists might define it as happiness or contentment with what they have. The latter fosters a culture of gratitude that can make you overall happier.

5. Better budget

For many households, the cost of food, housing, and healthcare have increased exponentially faster than wages, according to a report from CBS that analyzes data from 2022. Buying less and selling items you no longer use can help you save. By spending your paycheck on functional items and experiences, you have extra money for saving or investing in your financial wellness


How to be minimalist: 24 tips

Becoming minimalist doesn’t have to happen overnight. In fact, it’s best as a slow process, giving you time to self-reflect and be intentional about what habits and items you decide to get rid of. Here’s how to live a simpler, more minimal life:

1. Figure out your priorities

There’s no one-size-fits-all method to live life with more calm and clarity. Take some time to journal or meditate on your goals. You may want to improve your relationships with more bonding experiences, create a savings plan, or be more organized at work. Goal-setting and prioritization will give you the clarity you need to build an action plan

2. Start small

Sweeping changes can start with little advances, whether you’re starting over in life or creating better habits. Trying to do too much at once can exhaust and demotivate you. On the flip side, small daily or weekly achievements can fill you with the reward sensation that motivates you to keep going. If you want a more organized office space, you can clean your desk one week and adjust your shelves the next. 

3. Appreciate what you have 

Social media algorithms or toxic people can trick you into comparing yourself to others. Try to focus on yourself instead. Start your day by writing down something you’re thankful for, like being happy with your job or spending quality time with family. The gratitude practice can put you in a good mood and remind you about what’s important to you in life. 

4. Declutter everyday

Keep your spaces neat by putting things away once you’re done with them and regularly removing unnecessary items. Try developing an end-of-day decluttering routine so you always start the next day with a fresh, clean space. 

5. Organize your space

Once you’ve eliminated things you don’t need, organize your space with filing systems, clear storage containers, and designated spaces for every object. You’ll avoid potential clutter and know where everything is when you need it. 

6. Build a capsule wardrobe

Chasing fashion trends can strain your wallet, overstuff your closet, and contribute to unsustainable consumerism. Instead, try building a capsule closet: a selection of versatile items that you can mix and match with one another, emphasizing functionality and personal style over trends. And an extra benefit of having less clothing is less time debating your outfit during your morning routine.

7. Digitize documents

According to a 2021 report from Forbes, American businesses waste $8 billion on managing paper each year, despite digitization. Storing important documents electronically in a centralized platform, whether at work or at home, can save you time searching for documents and encourage easier information-sharing. It also keeps them safe from damage and frees up physical space. 

8. Invest in multi-functional items

Choosing products that serve multiple purposes can minimize the number of objects you need. All-in-one printers or universal docking stations can eliminate bulky machinery or cables that create eyesores. And choosing collaboration tools that combine messaging, file sharing, and project management can also improve teamwork

9. Use organization apps 

To-do lists, calendars, and task management apps can help you stay on top of your daily routine and eliminate mental clutter. Keeping track of your schedule gives you more clarity to focus on your work and ensure you don’t fall behind or miss a commitment. 

10. Repair broken items

It’s tempting to toss broken objects and start from scratch with something new. But repairing them can save you money and eliminate waste. Sweep through your home and office and evaluate what damaged or broken objects need some attention. Fixing your possessions is a great way to both live more sustainably and build valuable soft skills like resourcefulness and creative problem-solving. 

11. Monitor your screen time

The time you spend on your phone or computer also contributes to mental clutter. Install a focus app, program quiet modes on your phone, or turn off push notifications to help reduce your screen time. A digital detox can improve your sleep schedule and build a better work-life balance, giving you mental space to focus and spend time on activities that truly bring you happiness. 

12. Invest in experiences

Minimalism doesn’t have to equate to strict frugality or a boring lifestyle. It just means spending your time and money with more intention. If you want to limit material goods while also adding joy to your life, focus on experiences. Spending time on enriching hobbies or interacting with your loved ones will create deeper bonds and lasting memories that can make life more meaningful

13. Choose quality over quantity

Although quality items may cost more in the short term, they pay off in the long run. Quality products may perform better and last longer than their cheaper counterparts, which reduces the future costs of maintenance or replacement. Whether investing in a new computer, office chair, or clothing item, aim for finding something excellent over several of an item. 

14. Encourage community sharing

You don’t need to own everything, especially with items you don’t use frequently. Renting books from the library, swapping tools with friends, or sharing software licenses with coworkers can reduce unnecessary duplicates and waste. Likewise, giving and receiving generosity improves relationships and builds community

15. Practice mindfulness

Impulse purchases might fill you with a temporary burst of satisfaction, but it wanes until the next impulse buy. Mindfulness practices like self-reflection and gratitude can help you better understand your core values and avoid those impulses. They give you the space to reprioritize how you spend your money and time. 

16. One in, one out

Many minimalists follow a “One in, one out” rule to avoid impulse buys. When purchasing a new item, habitually donate one you already own. If you’re buying a new sweater for fall, give away one you never wear, or reflect on whether you actually need something new. This can help you avoid unnecessary purchases and save space in your home.

17. Donate

An object you no longer need can serve an important purpose for someone else. When cleaning your freezer, closet, or office space, consult with community centers or organizations and see if your items can help them out. The satisfaction you get from helping out someone else may be the push you need to declutter your space. 

18. Put it on the calendar

Declutter regularly, whether that’s every two months or an annual spring cleaning. Scheduling it into your calendar will ensure you turn cleanliness into a habit, and it tells the people around you when you plan on decluttering so they can help. 

19. Build a budget

Create a personalized budget that identifies fixed, variable, and discretionary expenses to avoid spending money on things you don’t need. Placing clear guidelines and expectations on your spending habits will help you think twice before purchasing something, aligning your finances with your goals.

20. Track your spending

Along with your budget, try to write down every purchase you make. This helps you build a deeper awareness of how often and how much you spend, creating accountability and prompting self-reflection. Carefully read your monthly bank statements to ensure you eliminate subscriptions or services you don’t use, whether a newsletter, gym membership, or streaming service.

21. Reroute meaningless expenses

Rather than spending your cash on new clothes each month or buying a new phone with every update, put that money into your savings or retirement fund. Seeing your money consistently grow can make it easier to say no to a new pair of shoes. 

22. Track your progress

Journaling your feelings about your minimalist habits can help you stay motivated and reflect on practices you might want to improve. Write down the positive impact of a tidy space and better habits on your life. This self-reflection can be a powerful motivating force, filling you with a sense of accomplishment and pride in your self-improvement. 

23. Find your calm

For some, impulse purchases are a quick fix when something overwhelms them or causes stress. If you want to treat yourself to relieve a bad mood, try to place that energy elsewhere and create better habits. Practice yoga, meditation, or deep breathing exercises to realign yourself. 

24. Connect with others

If you’re having a tough time living with fewer things, check out some self-help books, podcasts, and TED Talks to inspire you. The wisdom and experiences of others can show you what your goals look like in practice. Professional organizer Marie Kondo’s Netflix show “Tidying Up” and famous minimalist Joshua Becker’s book The More of Less are great places to start.

Download your Certificate of Completion for Completing this Online Learning Opportunity!

Ingredients

  • 2 slices multigrain bread
  • ¼ ripe avocado
  • 3 ounces cooked boneless, skinless chicken breast, sliced (see Tip)
  • 2 slices tomato


Directions

  1. Toast bread. Mash avocado with a fork and spread onto one piece of toast. Top with chicken, tomato and the second piece of toast.


Tips 

Tip: If you don't have cooked chicken, you can poach it to use in a recipe. Place boneless, skinless chicken breasts in a skillet or saucepan. Add lightly salted water to cover and bring to a boil. Cover, reduce heat to a simmer and cook until no longer pink in the middle, 10 to 15 minutes, depending on size. (Eight ounces raw boneless, skinless chicken breast yields about 1 cup sliced, diced or shredded cooked chicken.)

A teacher's vitality or capacity to be vital, present, positive, and deeply engaged and connected to her/his children and students is not a fixed, indelible condition, but a state that ebbs and flows and grows within the context of the teaching life. Stepping Stone School is committed to a program of professional development devoted explicitly to nourishing the inner and external life or core dimensions that are increasingly important for our educators on their journey.
-Rhonda Paver
The Educator Vitality Journey is a program designed to help our teachers to make a daily, conscious effort to be positive, self-aware, passionate, and fully engaged in their roles, while deepening their understanding of their true potential.