You Go First
I never remember liking to go first. My childhood friends may have different memories. My first friend was my older brother who was always ready to charge ahead, so I never had to think about the lead.
Personality flaws, blind spots, or just how I am? Which is it? I don't know, depends on who you ask. The slow part of me still says, "Go ahead". “The non-competitive part of me says, “You want it that bad? You definitely go ahead".
For as long as I can remember, I have felt timid to lead the way in the small and large parts of life. Those first big decisions growing into adulthood would be step by step methodically walked. Where to go to university, what kind of nursing to step into, wait, what? On to grad school. Then marriage, family, jobs, churches, babies…Then there are scary things that I sure want Someone strong and smart out in front.
As I turn around and look behind, I don't really know why the timidity, anxiety, or fear. As I read these verses the Peace of God melts over me and soothes any struggle.
'The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.’ Psalms 37:23 NLT
'If I take up the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, even there Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will take hold of me. If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night,” Even darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You.' Psalms 139:9-12
'A man’s steps are ordained by the Lord; How then can a person understand his way?' Proverbs 20:24
'You led Your people like a flock By the hand of Moses and Aaron.' Psalms 77:20
'Who led them through the depths? Like the horse in the wilderness, they did not stumble; Like the cattle which go down into the valley, The Spirit of the Lord gave them rest. So You led Your people, To make for Yourself a glorious name. Who caused His glorious arm to go at the right hand of Moses, Who divided the waters before them to make for Himself an everlasting name,' Isaiah 63:12-14
Our loving God leads at home, outside your home, to work, to play, to lonely places, to hard places, and easy places. Some sections of life feel easy and unnoticed. Some take such awareness and concentration. I am thankful for the reality that our Father goes first. We can be assured of this. It is not "if" He leads or only special times…HE LEADS! It is truth.
'The Lord is my shepherd,’ Psalms 23:1
'…He leads ….' Psalms 23:2
'…He guides... 'Psalms 23:3
'You prepare…’Psalms 23:5
Staying in line,
Joan
And a huge P.S.
As we speak getting to apply this in real time. We are leaving for a training trip today to England and France. After a wonderfully perfect wedding of our precious daughter, Charis to Davis, a flu bug caught up with some, including my granddaughters and my 88-year-old Daddy. He is still not back to where he was physically. And our son Nate had to have an emergency shunt revision after flying back to California from officiating the wedding. Nate and Paula and Luara will sit this trip out. All this to say, I’m rereading what came out of my mind and heart and trusting God’s heart that He goes first. | 
