When You're Not OK
Do you ever find yourself saying “It’s OK” or “I’m OK” when it’s not and you’re not either? It seems to be an automatic response along the same lines as “I’m fine.” At times it makes sense to respond that way. Maybe it’s not an appropriate time or place to share how you really are, or maybe you know that not being OK would upset someone else or maybe the person asking isn’t the right person to share strong feelings with. And maybe at that moment you are just trying to make it through the next hour.
When we automatically respond by saying we’re OK we miss opportunities to receive support and encouragement. In Stephen Ministry training we learn that stuffing our feelings is not a healthy choice for our mental or physical health. We learn that “If you don’t have your feelings, your feelings will have you.”
So, what might we say instead of I'm OK? The statements below let people know you’re not OK and leave the door ajar if you feel like saying more (but only if you feel safe and comfortable with that person, time and place.)
· I’m hanging in there . . .
· It’s been a hard week / day / year . . .
· I’ve had better days / weeks / etc. . .
· Lots on my mind / heart these days . . .
· Not OK
· Things aren’t great right now . . .
· I’ve been worried about . . .
· I’m working through some things right now . . .
· How much time have you got? . . .
· Depends on the minute . . .
You can probably think of other phrases. And I hope you know it’s OK to say “and how are you really?” to get past the I’m OK. May God bless your efforts to listen for others’ pain and respond with compassion and love.
If you are not OK, Stephen Ministry can provide a confidential, non-judgmental listening ear. Contact Marti Rabe at 402-466-2453 for more information.
|