News from The RADish Ranch
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Greetings!
Are you struggling to connect with your teen? Or running out of ideas on how to bond with them?
Teens are a challenge to parent; they're full grown people undergoing huge brain changes who act like toddlers and need reassurance and care as well as independence. Whew!
We've put together a list of bonding activities for you to do with your teen, as well as some information of what our teens need and why they act the way they do.
Love those big kids, Moms and Dads, and hang in there!
Stay safe and enjoy!
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Karen Poitras
President & Founder of The RADish Ranch
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Why Teens Act the Way They Do
Teen brains go through a pruning process where their brain gets rid of unused or "unneeded" connections. This cause lapses in judgement ("What were you thinking??"), impulsive behaviours ("You did what??"), and many times our teens seem to be revisiting "the terrible twos". THIS WILL PASS. In the same way we understand toddlers have a hard time coping because they don't have the needed skills and don't understand their brains or bodies, we need to have the same understanding with our teens. And just like the terrible twos, it doesn't last forever.
Many times when we see escalated behaviours it is a cry for connection and recognition. Build your parent-child bond and invest in connection to help prevent your child from having to ask for it with negative behaviours.
Therapeutic Parenting and Teens
Therapeutic Parenting with teenagers changes from "implementing therapeutic practices to promote development and attachment and healing" that we do to/for our child, to "this is what my boundaries are as a parent and what is/is not acceptable in my home. I love you no matter what and want to spend time being with you, and if you would like help or advice, I'm right here."
The most important part - once you have set boundaries for yourself, your home, and your family, you stick to them 100%.
Remember during the bonding times:
This is one-on-one connection and bonding time. There will be NO lectures, NO arguments, NO control battles.
There will be NO pressure to talk - from either of you! If you take a walk together in complete silence, you are still bonding! Don't talk just to fill in the silence or to "try to make the most" of things. Just breathe and let the silence be healing. Go with the flow and let your teen start a conversation if and when they have something to discuss with you.
The more connection that is built the more trust your child will have in you, and they will become more willing and able to come to you with their problems, fears, and needs.
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Cooking/Baking
Food has been a way of bonding and building connection since the beginning of time. Preparing food together is a great way to be together while creating something delicious.
Try:
- Family Favourites
- New recipes
- Themed meals
- Cooking classes
- New cookbook cook-through
- "Mystery box" cooking
P.S. March 14th (3.14) is Pi Day! This is the perfect opportunity to get in the kitchen and test your pie making skills!
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Hiking
Take a hike! Studies have shown that fresh air and exercise are two of the most effective ways to help depression, anxiety, lower stress, and relax.
Taking a walk together is a great way to build connection just by being together. Walk side by side and enjoy the scenery.
- Urban sightseeing
- Neighbourhood walks
- Indoor areas (malls, arenas, museums, etc.)
- Trail hiking
- Climbing
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Life Skills
Many teens are preparing to move out and be on their own (or they think they are :D) and helping them prepare for this time is a great opportunity to bond!
Make a list with them of things they'll need to know how to do to live on their own and start doing them together.
- How to make a grocery list/budget
- How to look for an apartment
- Make a list of expenses (rent, hydro, internet, etc.)
- Looking at vehicle types and expenses
- How to use public transportation
- How to use a laundromat
Have fun with this!
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Driving Time
What teenager doesn't like to drive?
Driving with your teen can be done in two ways: with you behind the wheel and simply taking a scenic drive together or running errands, or with them behind the wheel (yikes!).
Driving is a great way to spend time with your teen that is less invasive for them. There is less pressure to have to talk, less pressure for eye contact, less pressure to have to do something. Many teens will open up during this time and share thoughts or feelings they're having.
If they are at the age of learning to drive, find an empty parking lot somewhere and teach them the basics of driving and parking. This will allow you to meet the needs they have to become independent while sharing an experience together.
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Spa Time
Spend an afternoon getting pampered together. Paint your nails, get a massage, get new hair dos, get a facial, or find a sauna. Or all of the above!
Spa days can be done at a salon, beauty parlor, or spa, or at home in your own cozy living room! The benefits of doing an at-home spa day are increased connection (because it's only the two of you), increased loving, positive touch when you give each other facials, massages, new hair dos, or nail colours.
Use the time to relax and just be in each others company.
Put on some relaxing music if you start to feel the need to talk to fill the silence!
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Life Goals
Their goals - not your goals for them!
Spend some time with your teen helping them make a list of their future/life goals. This could include:
- Dream car
- Dream job/career
- School to attend
- Hair colours to try
- Foods to try
- Places to travel to
- All the other random things teens dream about and want
No goal is too outrageous, unattainable, or not allowed*.
Once the list is made, help them put together some specific steps of what they'll need to reach those goals (find a job, learn to drive, have a good enough GPA, etc.).
*There will be some goals your teen chooses that don't sit well with you, and that's ok. Love the child, not the goal! If it's something that's not acceptable in your home, not a problem - set a specific step that they will need to be living in their own place where they make their own home rules.
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Mini Golf / Go Karting
Both of these activities are always a hit with teens - and are equally fun for parents!
Mini golf is a great way to get exercise and sunshine together and brings some friendly competition. Don't forget to get ice cream after the last hole!
Go Karting is perfect for teens who crave adrenaline rushes. It gives them chaos and excitement in a safe, controlled environment while creating connection and great memories.
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Coffee/Lunch Dates
Set a date once a week or once a month and have a lunch out, just the two of you. If you're very adventurous - pack a picnic!
If you can't swing a meal away from home, go out for coffees and sit and chat or people watch together.
The important thing is to have a set aside, scheduled time that you keep so your teen knows they have the opportunity to be with you one-on-one.
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“Behold, I will bring health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth.”
Jeremiah 33:6
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Box 58, Mariapolis, MB. R0K 1K0
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