Lessons from the Ostrich in Divorce

Nobody wants to experience the pain of divorce, but to get past that pain and move toward a brighter future, certain actions are needed. Whether it’s the beginning of the process when you need to find an attorney and gather documents, the middle when you’re reviewing financial reports and engaging in negotiations, or the end when you’re reviewing lengthy agreements, the divorce process takes work. A lot of it is hard and uncomfortable. Even in the lowest conflict divorces, each step of the process can feel painful.

So, what do divorcing clients do to ease the pain? It’s what they don’t do. They don’t return emails. They don’t get their documents together. They don’t make it easy to schedule meetings. That’s why, this month, we present to you divorce lessons to be learned from the Ostrich and why sticking your head in the sand isn’t good for odd-looking birds or anyone else.

At Vacca Family Law Group, we strive to help clients meet unexpected challenges and find creative solutions that allow them to move forward to a better life after divorce. We’d love to talk to you more about how we can help.

~ Andrea Vacca, Collaborative Attorney and Mediator

Lessons from the Ostrich in Divorce

Ostriches are incredibly large, strong, and fast birds, but they are not known for their wisdom. In fact, 300 pounds of sinew, muscle, and claws are controlled by a brain the size of a walnut. They react rather than reason when dealing with challenges in life.

If a situation comes up that ostriches don’t want to face, they either panic and run or–according to legend–hide their heads in the sand so the problem is out of sight and out of mind. This can leave them trapped in a very dangerous situation in a position where they are unable to help themselves.

A Common Divorce Problem

Divorce lawyers see far too many clients act like ostriches during the process of ending their marriages. They may start with determination as they investigate options and start to formulate a plan. But then an issue arises that they don’t want to deal with, and their reason shuts down.

They simply stop. The time and money they have invested are wasted, and they remain trapped in a relationship that can be dangerous emotionally and even physically.

The Need to Overcome Inertia

We all know that avoiding a problem does not make it go away. That’s one reason we laugh at the image of an ostrich contentedly burying its head in the sand, oblivious to predators all around.

But if you’re the ostrich, chances are you don’t see it that way. You can’t figure out what to do, whether the problem is how to handle your house, or what to do about custody of the kids. Rather than make a hard choice, it’s easier to look away and focus on other aspects of your life. Instead of moving forward and developing a separation plan, all progress ceases.

The Need to Overcome Fear

One reason so many people stop moving toward the finish of their divorce is that they are afraid of making the wrong decision. What if I allow my spouse to share custody and the kids are disrupted trying to live in two separate homes? What if I decide to keep the house but can’t afford repairs?

In this respect, it is good to behave like an ostrich. These birds drink water with their beaks almost as if they are biting the liquid. Because their nostrils are placed low, if they immerse their beaks too far into the water, they can drown themselves while drinking. Yet if they didn’t drink, they would quickly perish from dehydration. They must get past any fear of drowning to stay alive.

In divorce, you need to get past the fear of making the wrong decision, because by choosing not to act, you have made an even worse choice. Your attorney can help you weigh your options, make selections, and move forward away from the damaging relationship and into a better life.

Let Your Divorce Lawyer Guide You

We know this is hard, but we have helped hundreds of other clients overcome inertia and move toward brighter futures for themselves. Our legal team and the talented divorce professionals we work with can help you move things forward when you feel incapable of doing it yourself. If you feel like your divorce has stalled, we invite you to talk to us to discuss ways we can help. Contact us today to schedule a free consultation.

Mindset Quote of the Month

"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see."

~ Henry David Thoreau

Want to dissolve your marriage without litigation? We can help.

At Vacca Family Law Group, we help clients dissolve their marriages without litigation. With discretion, elevated service, and a flexible approach, we specialize in finding creative (and sometimes unconventional) solutions that are right for each client’s unique situation.

If you or someone you know needs an attorney with experience in handling Collaborative Divorce and Mediation, contact us today.

Looking for a Speaker?

Andrea Vacca is available to speak to your group on the topics of financial issues in divorce, prenuptial agreements, collaborative divorce, mediation, or other family law issues.

If you found this information helpful, please consider forwarding this to a friend. If someone you know forwarded this to you, you can sign up for additional updates by clicking on the button below.