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Fearless Leader
I wrote the above poem for Tammy on her birthday in 2012. I saw it tonight in one of the boxes I hate seeing in her office, because they are visual proof that she is leaving. As I read it I realized that everything has changed but nothing has changed. In all honesty I’d love to write a fluffy piece about Tammy’s departure. There will be fluff but also honesty. As happy as I am for Tammy, I am mourning the loss of the best boss I have ever had. We were meant to meet, and without Frederick Place I doubt we would have crossed paths. So, I’m going to share my initial thoughts and feelings, because I think how I feel speaks volumes about who Tammy is and how much she means to me.
“How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard”
~A.A. Milne
Tammy and I have been together since shortly before the doors of Frederick Place opened on January 31, 2011. We’ve been together longer than a lot of people stay married. Through all of the years she has worn many hats in our relationship. She is my boss, mentor, teacher, leader, therapist, confidant, and friend. We can communicate using only our eyes and facial expressions. We often know what the other is thinking and have been known to simpy text “great minds……” We bounce ideas off each other, value each other’s opinion even when we may not agree, and trust each other implicitly. I have never had, nor ever will have, another boss like Tammy. Ours is a relationship born of embarking on a journey with no real idea of what we were doing or what the outcome might be. It is a friendship that has developed through watching and supporting each other go through trials in our personal and work life. We value each other and have faith and trust in each other. So, on the day she gathered the Fred Family together to let us know she had accepted a position in Tenneesee, my first thought was, “I am an orphan.” I was stunned, although I’m not sure why. I know she hates winter with a passion and has checked out jobs in warmer climates in the past. The simple answer is that I just didn’t think she’d ever leave the amazing place she had worked so hard to create. Frederick Place is as much a part of Tammy, as Frederick Place is to her. She is Frederick Place’s “Fearless Leader.” My second thought, as I bit my cheek to prevent the tears threatening to erupt, was that Tammy is my other half, and I don’t know how to do this without her. I was filled with fear about life after she leaves. Fear that I would be the one- being the only remaining original -that others would look to for advice or answers. I wouldn’t be able to “process” with Tammy anymore. Nobody would ever understand me, or have faith in me the way Tammy does. Needless to say, I was unable to speak with the exception of one word quietly uttered when she said “Some of us have been together for a long time……” My word was “Don’t.” As I listened to the well wishes of others, I remained speechless. I felt bad about that, but I needed to “process” this news on my own. I made it to my car with tears streaming down my cheeks, found the heaviest heavy metal music I could find, and took a 40 minute therapy drive with the tunes as loud as my speakers would allow. By the time I arrived home, I was done crying for the night. I gave myself a pep talk and felt guilty for being so selfish. My mentor and friend had just shared her wonderful news, and I was all, “Me, me, me.” I was happy for her as soon as her words registerd, but I could not vocalize it. I still couldn’t speak about it, so I sent her a text explaining my silence and congratualted her. This is a great move for Tammy. Social work is her first love, and she will soon be reuinted with it. I have no doubt she will bring so much to her new position. It is the best move for her family and her beloved Jeep, “Winona.”
Tammy has touched countless lives through her dedication and hard work generating the funds to keep the doors open. There are many individuals out there who will remember how she guided them, cared for them, and went to bat for them, because she believes people need to be given a chance to turn their lives around. For many she gave them a second, third, and even a fourth chance at Frederick Place. Tammy has been known to say she wishes she had a crystal ball when looking toward the future. I wish I had a crystal ball to see just how many people Tammy has helped. She impacted not just the individuals that called Frederick Place home, but created the trickle down by helping the one, and in turn helping their children, significant others, parents, and the communty. I know the number would be in the thousands.
As the end of Tammy’s reign as our “Fearless Leader” draws near, I’d like to lighten the mood by taking a journey with Tammy down Memory Lane.
· Do you remember the first time all of the staff hired for this little adventure met for the first time? I sure do. You reviewed the personnel handbook with us page by page hitting the highlights. When it came to dress code, and I saw the words skirt or slacks (shudder) I tentatively raised my hand and announced, “I’ve been in treatment a few times and if I look at someone in a skirt or someone in jeans, I’m going to go to the one in jeans every single time.” Did I get my way? We compromised, and I was allowed to wear cordorouys.
· Do you remember at that first meeting when Becca made us do a team building exercise that resulted in two drawings that looked like something a group of kindergarteners made?
· Do you remember our old way of documenting in a handwritten log book? Did you know I take credit for you creating the computer log? I do, because I believe I’m pretty sure you were frustrated by my lengthy notes with arrows that lead the reader to the next white space I would soon fill? Remember that to read my entries you had to flip the binder sideways and up and down?
· Do you recall when you presented me with the opportunity to write an article profiling a resident, you told me I had to limit it to 500 words? Did you see how sneaky I was each month as I gradually began going over that limit?
· I KNOW you remember when your office was also the main office and how you struggled to get things done because of all the interruptions.
· Do you remember when I used to send an end-of-weekend email titled, As the Shelter Turns, to inform you what had happened on the weekend?
· I know you remember the original Frederick Place Five aka The Fred Club and their nicknames, but thought I’d go in more depth so the poem makes more sense. We called one the “Form Fairy” and we use her forms to this day. Another was “Gladys Kravitz” (the neighbor in Bewitched who was always nosily looking out the window) because she could see everything going on by looking out her apartment window across the street. The “Chore Nazi” was always focused on residents doing their chores and was quick to show them the error of their ways. I was the “Codependent Writer” because I wrote so much in the log and had a habit of doing work a resident should be doing. Last but not least was the” Italian Enforcer” who used the threat of an Italian Swirly to keep a resident in line.
· Ah, the good old days when we had set shifts. Remember how easy it used to be for you to do the schedule?
· Do you realize that you have hired, give or take a few, 34 people?
· Remember the first time I had to nark on myself for dropping the F-bomb? I recall you telling me that sometimes the F-bomb is needed to get a point across.
· Remember the old brick patio garden? The big tree in the backyard?
· Do you recall that on your birthday I always reminded you that you were 19 days older than me? Yeah, don’t expect that to stop.
· Do you remember the first time you called me “Lady Jane,” and when I asked you why you said you didn’t know? I knew, as I told you this story after that first time; My mom always called me “Lady Jane” or her “Lady.” Shortly before she passed away she told me if someone calls me “Lady,” I need to pay attention, because that person will become be very important in my life. My mom was telling me that you were going to be a big part of my life. At the time I had no idea how much you would impact my life, but I sure know it now. I would not be who I am today if not for you. You saw something in me that I could not. You saw my potential and had unwavering faith in me to do more and be more. You taught me that it is OK to make mistakes and that I don’t always have to be perfect.
· Did you know I am full of fear about the future without you? Do you know that I will be OK, because I have been your pupil for 12 years? I have watched, listened, and learned, and I will make you proud.
· Did you know I can’t find words to convey how much I will miss you, as I continue our adventure without you by my side?
· Do you know that even in my sadness I am so very happy for you and your boys? That the University of Tennessee is lucky to have you?
· Do you know how grateful I am that you are such a big part of my life? That venting to you always makes me feel better?
· Has it hit you that you won’t be running around like a crazy woman this time next year?
Tammy’s last Anniversary Shindig is almost upon us. It will be wonderful but emotional. We will share stories from the past and listen to Tammy’s plans for the future. We will laugh and perhaps shed a tear or two. We will be sad, yet happy for her at the same time. It will be when reality finally sinks in.
I don’t know what the future will bring. I do know that we will eventually have a new leader, but we will never replace Tammy. Tammy is Frederick Place and Frederick Place is her legacy. After all, to quote Jeff Wagner;
“Tammy is the woman who turned the house on the corner into a home”
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