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The bulk of this chapter examines marriage as a formal arrangement of finances and obligations. Although not discussed in the mishnayot of this chapter, clearly in the background is the husband’s obligations laid out in Parshat Mishpatim: a husband “must not withhold” his core duties to his wife: “her food, her clothing, or her conjugal rights (Exodus 21:1, JPS/Sefaria translation).”
I’ll lay out the basic rules first; but before you get comfortable (or uncomfortable), stay tuned for the exceptions.
First, the baselines. The spirit of a financial arrangement is clear from the moment of betrothal: the time between betrothal and marriage is one in which the bride and groom spend getting their finances in order (Mishnah 2). Meanwhile, as is discussed in Mishnah 4, the husband must pay for the wife’s food; in return, all the wife’s earnings go to the husband. A wife also has specific household duties she must tend to as well (Mishnah 5). And of course, both the husband and wife have minimal conjugal duties, discussed in Mishnah 6 – 7. And in the background of the whole marriage is the “divorce insurance” for the woman, to be paid by the husband, laid out in the ketubah.
Again, the rules above are the baseline. But the couple can change the rules to their marriage in important ways, based on their own wants and circumstances. For instance:
- The wife may tell her husband that she’ forgoing her right to her food stipend, in return for which she’ll keep the money she makes for herself (which plays as background for Mishnah 4).
- If the family has a staff to do the housework, the wife may do less housework based on the size of the staff (Mishnah 5).
- Per the baseline of the ketubah rules, a virgin collects a ketubah payout of 200 dinar, and a widow or divorcee collects 100. However, a husband can add as much as he likes to the ketubah dowry. According to Rabbi Yehudah, a wife can also write a “receipt” that essentially views a portion of the ketubah as already paid off—although Rabbi Meir disagrees with Rabbi Yehudah’s position in the strongest terms. (Mishnah 1)
- Meanwhile in Mishnah 9, we see that the husband must pay the wife a baseline stipend – but he’s allowed to add as much as he likes.
- As laid out in Mishnah 7, the man’s conjugal requirements depend on how often he’s home, based on his occupation. Typical workers who live at home are expected to fulfill their duties weekly; sailors, at the opposite extreme, must fulfill their obligation once every six months.
The Halakha, in other words, gives the couple both a framework for defining what the shared responsibilities of marriage are – as well as a framework for individual couples to navigate their own situations and wants within that framework.
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