Half of the couples that I've matched have been long distance. And my husband and I dated long distance. So basically I'm an expert on long distance dating.

 

Long distance relationships can work. But they require more commitment, time, and money. The most important aspect of any relationship is its foundation. And long distance relationships need a very solid foundation--in person! After you have spent some time in person, you can then speak via technology to continue building.

 

I recommend using Skype one or two times to see if its worth making the trip for a first date. This is when you ask those "big" questions that are a make it or break it for you (i.e. aliyah? Coed schools? Wigs vs. mitpachot). This is the equivalent of the first two dates.

 

During this time, texting is not a substitute for talking, nor is it helpful before meeting in person. There are things that we feel more comfortable saying via text than over the phone or in person and that could lead to miscommunication and/or saying things that are not appropriate at that stage of the relationship. You do not want to build a preconceived notion of this person. By the way, this really applies to even "short distance dating" (is that even a thing?)

 

The first "date" should really be a set of dates. Plan to go out 2-3 times (remember, the person is making the effort to come see you). Afterwards, you can be in touch with the shadchan or directly to make a game plan. Yes, a game plan. How often will you see each other? Who will travel next?

 

Let's be honest. If you date someone for three months and you only saw each other once a month....that's like three times. You are not getting engaged. And your relationship is not progressing. You need to see each other every 2-3 weeks. Yes, its expensive. Yes, it is time consuming (see note above). But if your goal is to get married and you see potential in this person, then it is worth investing in the relationship.

 

Hatzlacha!

 

p.s. Moving forward, you both have to be very honest with the other person. This is where I've seen long distance relationships drag out. If you have a concern or are unsure (which is fine!) then say it. Let the other person know where you are holding. In a relationship that is by nature more costly, you need to be honest (read: do not break up with them during a trip to see you!).