CHILDREN & FAMILIES FIRST

KEEPING OUR PROMISE TO YOU

August 2022


Be more than polite.

Be purposefully progressive.


At a time when the ability to "speak our mind" is highly valued individual right, we've lost focus on the importance of how we interact and respond to one another - on being civil. Much of which stems from a misunderstanding of the term itself.


The act of being civil doesn't mean being so polite that one feels silenced. Civility is choosing to engage in the often hard conversations about differences. It requires focus on personal accountability, restoration of balance and a commitment to understanding that increases empathy, respect, and connection - and it begins with a willingness to apologize when our words or actions have done harm to another.


Children & Families First strives to build thriving communities where children are healthy, nurtured, and safe; families are strong; and individuals are valued. In honor of National Civility month, we ask you to join our commitment to progress and positive change - through which we will strengthen ourselves, our relationships, and our whole society.


Five tips to apologize like YOU mean it:


Know When to Apologize.

Knowing when to apologize is just as important as knowing how to apologize. Once you become aware that your words or actions have caused harm, whether directly or indirectly, it is your responsibility to make amends and to do so in a manner that meets the needs of the other person - which may mean immediate action, or giving that individual space and time to process their own thoughts.


Drop Your Defense.

Many times when we are asked for an apology our immediate reaction is to emphasize that we "didn't mean" or "never intended" to do something. Instead of "I'm sorry I snapped at you yesterday, I had a lot of my plate," it is better to say, "I know that I hurt your feelings yesterday when I snapped at you. I'm sure this embarrassed you, especially since everyone else on the team was there. I was wrong to treat you like that."


Be Real and Express Regret.

Your apology should include expressions of remorse that make clear you value the other person and your relationship with them. It moves your apology away from a need for forgiveness and into a space where your genuine concern for their well-being and desire to be a part of their healing process is understood as your focus and intent - which goes a long way towards rebuilding trust. 


Own up to Your Part.

Take full accountability without denying, blaming, or minimizing. Phrases like “I’m sorry you felt that way” or “I didn’t realize you’re so sensitive” puts the focus on the other person’s feelings, not your actions. You need to empathize with the person you wronged, and show that you understand how you made them feel with phrases like, "I know understand that my actions were incredibly condescending."


It's Just the Beginning.

Apologies create an opening for greater understanding and deeper connection - especially when matched with changed behaviors. While no one owes you their forgiveness, the best path forward is to commit yourself actions that you name in your apology, for example, "moving forward, I will not talk to you that way again."



COMING NEXT MONTH!  Sexual Health Awareness

"Proper apologies have three parts:

  1. What I did was wrong.
  2. I feel bad that I hurt you.
  3. How do I make this better?"


-Randy Pausch

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