December 7, 2024

101st Edition

Hello Karen,

We all know how difficult the holidays can be with children with Reactive Attachment Disorder. The pressure of family time and closeness, the changed routines and schedules, the chaos of travel and parties, and changed foods can leave our kiddos feeling unsure and defensive, and feeling a lack of felt safety in the people and environment around them.

All of this, as you can imagine, leads to an increase in negative and push away behaviours. This may be seen in destructive, defiant, disrespectful, and limit-testing behaviours.

The activity box is a technique I learned many years ago and is a perfect tool to help smooth out some of the holiday chaos.

Enjoy!

The Holiday Activity Box

What does an Activity Box do?

The goal of an activity box is to provide your child with something familiar and predictable to focus on while in difficult environments, such as family gatherings and holiday get-togethers.

An activity box allows a child to bring something familiar from home (providing predictability) and is something which can give them a feeling of success and accomplishment when they create and complete a project.

When surrounded by family members and friends who may not understand therapeutic parenting or trauma behaviours, the activity box can also give parents an easier explanation to give as to why their child will not be playing unsupervised with other children or participating in certain activities.

What to put in an Activity Box

Create an activity box for each child so that they each have their own projects and activities to work on. Choose 4-6 activities* that you think your child will enjoy and pack them into a box, basket, or bag that is easy to transport.

Be sure to choose activities that are not messy, overly complicated, or take a lot of room to work on, as this can make the activities more of a hassle than a help during busy gatherings.

*Do not choose so many activities that you child becomes overwhelmed or it is too big or heavy to easily pack up.

Activity books:

• crossword puzzles
• sudoku
• connect the dots
• colouring books

Small puzzles:

• 50-200 pieces

Lego:

• small Lego set
• small bag or box of Lego pieces (and a board to build on!)

Craft kits:

• foam project kits
• handcraft projects (loom knitting, knitting, cross stitch, etc.)
• bead animals
• jewelry making kits

Books:

• Novels
• short stories
• story collections

When & how to use an Activity Box

When:

Use the activity box at gatherings and parties when your child is needing a break or when an alternative is needed for something going on that your child is unable to handle or participate in.

How:

Have your child sit in a calm, quiet place (close to you, if possible, to provide felt safety) and either choose an activity from the box for your child to work on or use the 5 second rule: they can choose an activity from the box themselves, but if they take too long (often a sign of control), you choose an activity for them.

When activity time is over (it's time to leave or time to move on to something else), spend a few moments listening to your child about what they have created or accomplished, and help them get their activity cleaned up.

Use this technique with love and care, and be interested in what your child is creating. Be excited with them in their success! This allows them to feel positive feelings about activity time, and provides those much needed moments of connection during holiday times.

Other Holiday Helpers

Some other great techniques to use during the holidays are the Baby Elephant technique and Brain Breaks. These both provide felt safety and connection and can make holiday gatherings easier for everyone (not easy - but easier, we know how hard this time of year is!)

Baby Elephant

This is a technique in which your child holds on to you and follows you around, much like a baby elephant holing on to its mother's tail. This helps to practice physical attachment and allows your child to stay close and feel safe in anxiety-provoking situations.

Use it for a couple of minutes, an hour or two, or all day! Be attuned to your child's needs and provide for them with this increased connection. Simply have your child hold on to your belt loop, belt, sweater, or other part of your clothing. They tag along as you go about your day and stay close to you. Be sure to use this with love and positivity!

It can be beneficial to let family and friends know that you are playing an attachment game to practice physical attachment. This can help them to better understand what you're doing and why you're doing it, and give you more support while implementing this technique.

Brain Breaks

It is easy for children (and adults!) to become over stimulated, feel high levels of anxiety, and low levels of felt safety at holiday gatherings. Taking 5 minutes every couple of hours allows you and your child to connect and move out of the overstimulating environment.

To be as beneficial as possible, complete the brain breaks in a quiet place without disruptions or other people around.

Try some of these brain breaks:

• Walk around the block
• 5 minutes of snuggle time
• Read a story together
• Do a 5 minute 6R activity
• Play a hand clap game together
• Give 2 minute hand or foot massages to each other
• Sing a song together (actions are great!)
• Dance around together to your favourite song

Upcoming Programs for HOPE and HEALING

Camp Attach camps are coming in 2024!

Check out our website for dates and locations!