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1 (855) 894-5658
July 2022
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ERICSHOUSE
July Newsletter
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Dear EricsHouse Community,
Welcome to July 2022! The sentiment above reminds us that our loved ones are never forgotten. They are always in our hearts. Each and every day that we choose to be the best versions of ourselves we are honoring those who are no longer physically present. Gone but surely not forgotten.
-EricsHouse
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A Letter From Our Founder
Marianne Gouveia
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A Tribute to Bereaved Parents
The month of July is dedicated worldwide to raising awareness about the unimaginable grief that parents experience when they suffer the loss of their precious child.
By the age of 70, 15% of American parents will have lost a child – almost 1 in 6 of us. On July 4th, I celebrated my 7th birthday without my youngest son, Eric. As a gift to myself, I spent the weekend doing the normal things we do – manicure, pedicure, connecting with friends, responding to birthday wishes, and expressing thanks for all the people in my life who love and support me.
While reflecting on my life’s experiences, I had an almost overwhelming wave of despair engulf me as I was very present to the sadness that came with the loss of my child. While the sharp edges wear down a bit, the sorrow never goes away – it leaves a whole in your heart so big, so big that it takes your breath away. But within moments, I was overcome with an intense feeling of love for Eric and for all the people I have lost in the last 5 years, including two of my sisters Lois and Reesie, and my dear friend and spiritual director, Carole Whittaker. I was grateful that I could let my pain do its job of reminding me how much I love and miss each of them.
I remembered listening to a reflection for grieving parents given by Fr. Jurgen Liias, an Anglican priest who converted to Catholicism. I enjoyed his perspective since he is married with two grown children and three grandchildren. He says he vividly remembers bringing home his oldest child from the hospital, and holding her tiny, precious body in his arms. Fr. Jurgen says: “I was suddenly aware of this enormous abyss of pain that had opened up in my life – this awareness that if anything ever happened to my child, I would have a pain that was there as part of the vulnerability of love.”
I appreciate Fr. Jurgen’s reflection on the vulnerability of love. The intense grief we feel over the loss of a child is always accompanied with the immense love that we feel for our precious children. We often use the imagery of a coin – one side representing love while the other side represents our grief. Love and grief are two sides of the same coin - Love embodies the pain of grief. Just as we surrender to love, we also must surrender to the pain of grief. Our pain is a measure of our love.
Those of us who have lost a child must somehow find our way through to a reality where we live with a pain in our hearts that is hard to measure and difficult to describe. But, at the same time, we live with the profound and unending love we have been blessed with, for the love we have for our children is truly eternal. We can hope to remain in relationship with them, to eventually be reunited with them. We can hope to find new meaning and purpose in our lives, to fill the vast hole left by their loss.
Many blessings to all bereaved parents. May your wishes for a happy and fulfilling life be yours as we remember the true beauty of our love – a parent’s love.
Much Love,
Marianne Gouveia
Founder & Chairman
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Grieving Styles by Greg Eckerman
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Although it is clear that many men and women grieve differently (including my wife and I), I’ve never been comfortable with the idea that it’s just about grieving like a man or grieving like a woman. Even the designations of masculine or feminine grieving styles feels far too simplistic . . . even a little judgmental (depending on which style you gravitate towards).
But understanding our own style of grief and that of those who share the pain of our losses is important to our well-being. If we fail to understand those differences, we could assume that those fellow survivors aren’t grieving . . . or aren’t doing it right. We could distance ourselves from the connections we need most on our own grief journey, and they on theirs.
Kenneth Doka and Terry Martin have delved deeply into those stereotypical grief models (masculine and feminine) and developed their own model of styles of grief that transcends that limited view1.
Doka and Martin initially focused on exploring the differences between women and men in grief. Research and clinical observation indicated that women and men do tend to grieve differently . . . statistically. Some women exhibited a more masculine pattern of grieving and vice versa. They designated the feminine style “Intuitive” grievers and the masculine style “Instrumental” grievers, based on the characteristics of each.
Intuitive grievers experience their grief as very intense waves of emotion. Their feelings are very strong and expressed like “an open book”. Intuitive grievers cope and adapt to death by exploring and processing feelings. The benefit of “working through” feelings to facilitate healing makes intuitive grievers quite good candidates for support groups.
Instrumental grievers are less “feeling-based”; they experience their grief more cognitively and physically. They tend toward inward reflection, thinking about all aspects of the loss as well as attempting to problem solve to adapt to the new normal. Instrumental grievers typically cope in behavioral ways, for example building something to memorialize or pay respect to the deceased.
Even that model is too simplistic. Doka and Martin perceived that the two grieving styles, intuitive and instrumental, are actually extremes on a continuum. In other words, the great majority of grievers exhibit “a blend” between the two styles, i.e., have characteristics of each. They went on to say that neither style is by definition superior to the other and that each has aspects that facilitate healthy adaptation to the loss.
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Beginning in Mid-July, Dial 988 for the Mental Health Hotline
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Mark your calendars. July 12 - 13 is Amazon Prime Day! Take advantage of some great deals while giving back to EricsHouse.
Sign up for AmazonSmile & select EricsHouse Inc. as your preferred charity. You can visit smile.amazon.com or turn on the AmazonSmile in the Amazon app settings.
Thank you so much for supporting our mission to inspire hope, healing, and new beginnings for people who have suddenly lost someone they love.
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New Upcoming Virtual Support Group
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Our virtual support group is open to LGBTQ+ loss survivors who have lost a loved one to suicide, overdose, or any sudden loss. This group is a Co-ed. We will meet every other Saturday via Zoom from July 16 until November 5 from 11:00 AM – 12:30 PM MST.
Pre-registration is required! To see if this is the right group for you contact Kim Hamilton at kim@ericshouse.org or Madison Shirley at madison@ericshouse.org.
Once you have joined the group you will receive a book and journal. There is a $45.00 charge to cover the cost of materials. Scholarships are available.
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NEW Virtual Breath Work Seminar Starting on Aug 6th!
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Shallow and rapid breathing, due to internal and external stress, contributes to numerous symptoms such as anxiety, tachycardia (fast heart rate), insomnia, body tension, poor memory, nausea, fatigue and more. Over time, these responses can lead to chronic physical conditions such as hypertension, heart disease, chronic fatigue, increased pain, changes in hormones, and increased inflammation markers, as well as memory and emotional concerns. Simple and slow repetition of purposeful breathing by expanding the diaphragm has been well studied, with significant improvement in many health outcomes including blood pressure, heart rate, immune system, emotional calm, sleep, memory, well being.
This seminar is facilitated by Dr. Kathleen Rickard. She is a nationally certified Family Nurse Practitioner working in private practice since 1997 and specializes in energy medicine. Her 12 years of emergency nursing experience grounds her present work. She maintains a strong practice integrating numerous holistic modalities including energetic healing, reiki, functional nutritional medicine, yoga, visceral manipulation, neuro-muscular manipulation, and life coaching. Dr. Kathleen has been invited to speak across the country on numerous holistic health topics.
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The group is specifically for Men ready to explore their personal grief journey. We will base our conversation around the 4th, 5th, & 6th Needs of Mourners as defined by Dr. Alan Wolfelt (Develop a New Self Identity, Search for Meaning, and Receive [and Give] Ongoing Support from Others). We will identify new, individual goals free from the self-imposed limitations of our lives before our losses and support one another in attaining them.
We will meet weekly from 5:00 PM – 6:30 PM MST. This group is be open to all losses (all relationships) to all self-harm causes (suicide, alcohol, and overdose).
Pre-registration is required! To see if this is the right group for you please contact Greg at greg@ericshouse.org or 480-734-3423.
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SAVE THE DATE!
10/8/22 Hope & Healing
Virtual Fundraiser
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Get ready for an afternoon of hope, healing, and celebration as we honor those we’ve lost and bring together our loss survivors who are once again finding joy and happiness in their lives. We have special guests and events slated throughout the afternoon that are both fun but also heart-warming as we hear stories from some of our clients. Our goal is to raise $100K so that we can continue to support people who feel alone in their grief and have nowhere to turn. No father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister, friend, or relative should ever have to face devastating loss alone.
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Join EricsHouse as we participate in the Water Lantern Festival on Saturday, November 12 from 2:30 until 7pm at Kiwanis Lake in Tempe. Located at 5203 South Ash Avenue Tempe, AZ 85283
We have 15 early-bird price tickets available for $36 (day of tickets add up to $65). Purchase yours today!
There will be food trucks and other vendors. Picnics are welcome.
April Boyden is a Spiritual Companion, Interfaith Chaplain, and Art as Intuition Facilitator. She will be there to help facilitate and guide this lovely event.
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EricsHouse featured
in local publication!
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Submit Photos of Your Furry Friends!
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Animals are truly such powerful creatures. They can help us heal and be our loyal companions. No matter what we are going through, our furry friends are always there with a calming presence.
Do you have any animals? EricsHouse needs your help! We would like to share pictures of our community's loyal companions. Please submit photos to help@ericshouse.org. *These images will be shared.
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EricsHouse Tree of Life - A Way to Memorialize Your Loved Ones
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The Tree of Life is a custom art installation, created by local artists to help us remember our loved ones. This unique exhibit is displayed in the center of the EricsHouse facility on a 7′ x 11′ birch panel.
Our Tree of Life holds the names of people lost to suicide and substance abuse in the leaves on the tree. When you donate $100 in the name of your lost loved one, a personalized leaf will be placed on the tree as a lasting memorial. Only donations through the Tree of Life campaign will receive a leaf. Leaves may also be purchased for friends and family as a gift in their loved one’s honor
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Donate your car, truck, motorcycle, RV, or boat to EricsHouse by simply clicking the button and completing the form. Car Easy will reach out to you to arrange the pick-up of your vehicle donation, at no cost to you. You may qualify for a tax deduction while supporting a cause that is near and dear to your heart!
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EricsHouse Inc.
1 (855) 894-5658
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