It's DECEMBER!
I am always extra sappy during this time of year so I will quickly say what's on my mind and then get to the topics at hand! Over this past weekend, I heard a song and, as I was singing, I IMMEDIATELY thought "This is so true for my people. I have to send this to them somehow. So I am doing that now.
They lyrics started like this:
"All my words fall short. I got nothing new. How could I express all my gratitude?
I could sing these songs. as I often do, but every song must end - but you never do."
So friends, as we finish up this year together, I have to express my gratitude to you but I know my words will fall short. I started this year without even a clear understanding of all that Foster Change had to offer. As I have stepped into my role as Program Manager, you have been so patient and kind to me as I have learned, made mistakes, made changes and tried to pull us all together as a true community, instead of just caregivers who live in the same city. The growing pains have been abundant but so have your generosity and kindness. You have shown me that I am surrounded by foster care warriors, who truly advocate for the children in their homes. I have been amazed at the stories you've shared and the tenacity in which you endure tough situations. I CANNOT wait to see what Foster Change becomes, how it grows and changes, and and how it brings us
all together in 2023!
Now. On to other things! For December, I want to focus on the holidays and all that can mean for us and our families. It can be a time of joy but also sorrow. It can be a time of peace but also stress. It can be a time of excitement but also fear. It can be a time of anticipation but also trepidation. It can be days filled with magic but it can also be a time of simply surviving one moment at a time. It can be days of heightened expectations in hopes of a Hallmark type of holiday only to be met with the crushing reality that the days are the exact opposite. I just plead with you to remember that the moments don't have to be either/or. They can be both/and. I hope remembering that small fact can free you to enjoy the days "even when" and "even if."
I found the following articles that say it better than I can:
Here are 10 tips to restore some sanity to your family, and hopefully make for an enjoyable, meaningful holiday season:
1. Set manageable expectations.
Be realistic and upfront about what your family can do. Make a list of what is possible and prioritize your most important events and activities. Then, pace yourself.
2. Remember the holiday season does not eliminate sadness or loneliness.
Give room for yourself and your family to experience and express all of the feelings that come up during this time. Those feelings are okay to feel.
3. Acknowledge the past but look toward the future.
Determine to enjoy this holiday season for what it is. Acknowledging the past, whether it was good or bad, is appropriate. But, if you find that this year has been a rough one and you don't anticipate having the best holiday season ever, try not to set yourself up for disappointment by comparing today with the "good old days." Take advantage of the joys the present holiday season has to offer.
4. Develop and encourage a life of gratitude.
Gratitude is an attribute that transcends circumstances. Your circumstances may never change, but your attitude toward them can . . . and this can make all the difference.
5. Do something for someone else.
Even if this has been a difficult year for you and your family, helping others will also help you as you focus on what it means to serve and give back.
6. Enjoy free or cheap activities.
There are a lot of free or affordable holiday-related activities that will add to your family's enjoyment this season. Take a drive to look at Christmas decorations, decorate your home together as a family, or bake Christmas cookies.
7. Enjoy a family holiday tradition.
Traditions keep your family's legacy going and create meaningful memories. So from the silly to the sentimental, if your family has established Thanksgiving and Christmas traditions, be sure to include them in your holiday activity plans, if possible.
8. Try something new.
Traditions are great, but sometimes, finding a new way to celebrate the holiday season can be just what your family needs. And who knows? You may just create a new tradition that will keep going for generations.
9. Spend money responsibly.
The holiday season always brings with it a big temptation to spend lots of money. Don't be afraid to say no to this temptation. Decide now to be financially responsible this holiday season.
10. Carve out some time for yourself.
Don't take on all of the responsibilities of your family's holiday celebrations by yourself. Share the load. Create some space during the holidays for you to recharge your own batteries.
(shared by Rebecca Philip, Family Care & Experience Director at The Crossing LV via www.theparentcue.org)
4 Ways to Share Holiday Traditions as a Foster Family
by: Paige Zezulka
“What are your Christmas traditions?” my 10-year-old foster daughter asked me. I didn’t know how to respond. I was a first-time parent and foster parent. My husband and I hadn’t considered what traditions we wanted to share with our children. “What Christmas traditions do you think we should have as a family?” I replied. The unique blessing of being a foster family means you have the opportunity to create new traditions together by listening to your foster child and considering what would make the holidays special for them.
1. Offer grace
It’s important to enter the holiday season knowing that certain holidays or traditions may bring up feelings of sadness, loss, and grief for your child. Talk about this ahead of time. Be ready to offer plenty of grace and understanding to your foster child. Doing so is critical to your foster child—and the entire foster family—enjoying the holiday season. Depending on the situation of your foster child, it may be possible to include your child’s biological family in some of the festivities. If the child has visitation, you can help your child purchase or make a present to give to their parent. By supporting your foster child during the holidays, there’s the opportunity for growth and bonding as a foster family.
2. Respect different traditions...
Older foster children will come with their own expectations and traditions. Even if your foster child is younger, their biological family may have certain cultural values they’d like you to uphold. Whenever possible, it’s important to respect and incorporate those traditions into your foster family for the time that your foster child is living with you. If your foster child believes in Santa, be ready to set out milk and cookies on Christmas Eve. If your child always roots for a certain football team on Thanksgiving Day, join them to cheer on their team. Maybe they have a favorite holiday food they cook. Allow them to teach you the recipe and make it together.
3. . . . While sharing the joy of your own!
You can also introduce your foster child to traditions your family has previously held. It’s one of the greatest privileges and a joy as a foster parent to experience many “firsts” with your foster child. The first time they have a Christmas tree. The first time they stay up to watch the ball drop at midnight on New Year Eve. By introducing your foster child to your traditions, you’re helping them feel included and valued as a member of your family. When you bake a secret family recipe together, you’re confirming that they’re a trusted member of the family. When you go Black Friday shopping and ask their opinion on what to purchase, you’re showing your foster child you value their opinion.
4. Try new things, too.
What can be most meaningful is creating entirely new traditions together. Try new things as a family and have a sense of humor about it. My foster daughter, husband, and I found a list of holiday traditions online and we picked things we had never done, but wanted to try. My daughter and I had both never made Christmas cookies, the perfectly cut out and decorated cookies you see in Hallmark movies. We decided to spend a day baking in an attempt to make these. A few hours in we looked at each other and burst out laughing realizing that neither of us enjoyed doing something so tedious and time-consuming. We just liked eating the cookie dough. That wasn’t a tradition we kept, but we had fun trying it. On the other hand, we discovered one of our favorite traditions entirely by accident. We wanted to put up our Christmas tree before Thanksgiving, so we decided to make a Thanksgiving Tree. Lights, a few ornaments, and pretty brown tags were put on the tree. Each tag named something we were thankful for. We created that tradition together and now that our foster daughter and her younger siblings are adopted, we continue this tradition each year.
Cultivating traditions gives you new ways to demonstrate to your foster child that you love and care about them.
Whether you’re learning something new from your foster child, introducing them to an old tradition of yours, or creating new traditions altogether, the holidays offer your foster family the opportunity to bond, grow, and experience the magic of the season together.
