We are often asked about developmental responses to grief, especially in young children. While everyone grieves differently, there are some behaviors and emotions commonly expressed by children depending on their developmental level. Even babies are aware of loss and separation, and experience grief. No matter what age, consistency, routine, and flexibility can be helpful.
With Father’s Day approaching, or any special day or anniversary, grief can be especially difficult. Here are a few ways to support young children in your life who may be grieving. You can find additional information here and on our website at dougy.org.
0 to 2 years: Infants and toddlers are concrete in their thinking. Death and other losses are seen as temporary and reversible. Nurturing, predictable relationships with trusted adults are crucial for babies and young toddlers.
Common responses to grief
- Increased separation anxiety
- May regress on milestones or milestones may be delayed
- Increased crying and distress
2 to 4 years: Because preschoolers tend to be in the here and now, their grief reactions are typically brief but can be very intense. They are most likely to express themselves through their behavior and play.
Common responses to grief
- General anxiety, crying, irritability, temper tantrums
- Telling the story to anyone, including strangers
- Repetitive questions
- Magical thinking — believing their thoughts and words have power
5 to 8 years: School age children tend to be concrete in their thoughts, with a tendency towards magical/fantasy thinking. They can often feel responsible for the death and worry their wishes or actions caused the person to die.
Common responses to grief
- Increased anxiety, including concerns about safety and abandonment
- Short periods of strong reaction, mixed with acting as though nothing happened
- Nightmares, disrupted sleep, and changes in eating habits
- Physical complaints like stomachaches, headaches, and body pain
