II. Blog Articles and Podcast Recordings |
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IV. Virtual Seminars on March 19, 2022* |
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The Men's Group Seminar: Grudges
In the current landscape of ghosting and passive-avoidant approaches to conflict resolution, the prevalence of grudges is increasing. It is a phenomenon common among all ages and is apparent in interpersonal relationships as well as within and between groups and organizations. While research suggests that holding grudges is more common among women, significant portions of male samples also hold grudges. The psychology of grudges is complex and cannot be understood with a singular theoretical framework. Most experts observe that grudges result from a sequence of events in which a conflict between two parties causes an emotional injury. The injury is usually related to an unmet expectation in the relationship, and, interestingly, the expectation is rarely ever communicated. Given this, grudges exist in a context of assumptions and uncertainty regarding intent, i.e., grudges emerge whether one party was hurt by another intentionally or not. Moreover, grudges are often silent, with the recipient of the grudge rarely being made aware of what is happening. Feelings of despair and persistent ruminative anger, the hallmark features of grudges, are shared by both the holder and recipient of the grudge. While most experts perceive grudges as the opposite of forgiveness (“non-forgiveness”) and focus on the physical and mental damage that a grudge causes, some writers argue that there are healthy grudges and that grudges may serve to shape meaning, affirm identity, and establish moral clarity (i.e., you are right and the other is wrong). In the next virtual meeting of the Men's Group Seminar on Saturday, March 19, 2022 (10:15 to 11:30 AM), we will explore the psychology of grudges. Our discussion will consider the connection between grudges and forgiveness, the role of self-compassion, and how to avoid holding a grudge in the first place. We will also explore ways to respond if you are the recipient of a grudge.
To register for this upcoming virtual seminar, please see the directions below.
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The Relationship Group Seminar: Stalking and the Distinction between Harmonious and Obsessive Passion
Technically called “obsessional relational intrusion,” stalking has been the subject of considerable scientific interest in recent years. Investigators have identified 8 components of stalking, including “hyper-intimacy,” “invasion,” and “harassment and intimidation.” Those who have experienced stalking often report a range of emotional, psychological and relational consequences, including ambivalence about trusting others again in close relationships, intimacy avoidance, and self-esteem deficits related to the emerging belief that one is desirable only for superficial and irrational reasons. Stalking introduces the broader topic of romantic passion and its role in relationships. Relational experts conceptualize passion within the “Dualistic Model,” a psychological framework featuring two distinct categories of passion: harmonious and obsessive. Harmonious passion involves the integration of romantic interests with other life goals and priorities, and is associated with long-term relationship success. Obsessive passion corresponds to an inflated view of the importance of a relationship, dependency on the status of the relationship, and the obsessive/controlling motivations that often lead to stalking. In the next virtual meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on Saturday, March 19, 2022 (11:45 AM to 1:00 PM), we will explore the psychology of stalking and the broader subject of romantic passion. In particular, we will discuss the notion of unhealthy obsession and the concept of contingent self-esteem, each of which has important implications for problems of narcissism and co-dependence.
To register for this upcoming virtual seminar, please see the directions below.
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The Dynamic Psychotherapy Process Group
This therapy group utilizes the emerging dynamics among group members, and between the group members and facilitator, as a basis from which to examine one's characteristic ways of thinking, feeling, and relating to others. Our next virtual group session will be held on Saturday, March 19, 2022 (1:15 to 2:30 PM). The Dynamic Psychotherapy Process Group is a therapeutic experience and entry occurs only after a pre-group screening interview.
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* Registration Directions: If you would like to attend the virtual meeting of the Men's Group Seminar and/or the Relationship Group Seminar on March 19, 2022, please RSVP to me at 949-338-4388 or jt@jamestobinphd.com on or before Thursday, March 17, 2022. The fee is $25.00 and informed consent for participation in these telehealth events must be completed prior to the seminars. Please note that the Men's Group Seminar and the Relationship Group Seminar are psychoeducational in nature, not therapeutic, and do not constitute psychotherapy or counseling.
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