Hello spiritual friends!
Frustration, continued disappointments, lack of energy or motivation usually means we are ready for a change to brighten and energize our life. Perhaps we have grown, and some part of our soul feels static or "out of date". Unexpected events, challenges and other people's decisions push us toward a new perspective. From a spiritual point of view, life is always about growing and changing. And dissatisfaction is an indication we are ready for something new. An old aspect of our being is ready to sluff away, and a fresh start is pushing us upward into the sunlight.
Self-image as identity
As human beings we naturally develop personal identities which together form our sense of self. These identities are created by and reinforced by our experiences over the course life. Our first identity begins as a young baby when we learn about who we are from caretakers and siblings. Over a lifetime, we develop hundreds of identities which can be either positive or negative in nature.
These self-images are associated with areas of strength, perceived failures, family, friends, parents, partners, etc. For example, I have an identity about who I am with my life partner and another about who I am as a spiritual teacher. I have a different sense of myself with each of my siblings, friends, or neighbors. I have identities that reflect my intelligence, feelings, expression, behavior, clothing, as well as each and every endeavor I have engaged in over my life. There becomes a sort of interwoven fabric as all of these ways of identifying ourselves take shape together in the backdrop of our lives.
The back seat driver
Ideally, when we grow and change our sense of identity grows with us. But it doesn't always happen this way. Sometimes we begin working toward a new goal or dream and experience a vague sense of something blocking the way. The enthusiasm fizzles, we begin to feel the goal isn't attainable or we just give up. When this happens, I invite you to consider that a part of you may not want to change. An old identity may be sitting in the "backseat" deciding which road to take and how fast you will get there.
Unless we focus on it with intention, our identities function as an unconscious mechanism, a driving force behind our thoughts, focus, feelings, communication, perspectives and decision making. They are created from our thoughts and experiences, and they help generate the choices we make throughout life.
These old identities DO NOT want us to change. They say, keep life the same so I will "know who I am". As human beings we tend to fear the unknown. Our identities want to feel comfortably safe in the way things are right now.
Attachments
We tend to feel attached to our current sense of self. The attachment may be felt as an underlying fear or urgency that comes up when we begin to make a change. Behind the fear or urgency, there is usually some self-talk going on about why we can't, shouldn't, or don't want to change. The part of us that is attached to the old way of being argues for the status quo. The old identity argues that our goal or vision is unattainable and holds us back from moving forward.
This might be best described with examples:
- Brian wants to create a better home-work life balance, but his identity of being someone who is very hard-worker causes him to work longer hours than his coworkers. His fear about change is related to being seen as less accountable, reliable or necessary at his job.
- Sarah feels exhausted and overwhelmed at the end of most days. She wants to create more time for herself, but she has a hard time saying no to other people's requests for her time. Her identity says that she is a compassionate, caring person who is always "there" for others. Her fear is that in saying no, she would appear selfish or unkind.
In reality:
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Brian's fears may stem from insecurities that have nothing to do with his work ethic or the integrity he brings to his job. He could begin to recognize and appreciate his own value to the company.
- Sarah's desire to please others may stem from a lifetime habit of putting other people first, which is the reason "saying no" makes her feel selfish. Shifting the focus to put herself first resets her boundaries and gives her loved ones an opportunity to learn from their own challenges.
Of course, these are just examples. Our sense of self is complex and unique to each of us based on our personal history, emotions and experiences.
Treasures from the past
Taking some time for inner reflection may bring unconscious thoughts into the light. An old sense of self may be connected to childhood experiences, parents, relationships, school or work engagements, social interactions, or any experience that feels important or impactful. If some memories feel more significant, it may be for a reason. Let yourself be guided toward memories that had a powerful effect on you.
Consider what this old self may be saying to you. What emotions might be associated with an experience that still feels active? These more important past experiences bring rich insights to help us discover what holds us back from finding more peace and contentment. With more clarity and self-understanding, we can move fully into the front seat and drive into our true destiny.
