Got the February cranks?
Arguing with your spouse? Take some time to laugh!
MAKING MY WIFE LAUGH is part of my mission in life. This is what fascinates me: If Amy and I are intentional, little connections begin to feel natural again. If we’re not intentional, we drift apart. No one chooses to drift in marriage; drift sneaks in when we stop enjoying life together. Here’s how you and your spouse can stay intentional and keep the laughter rolling:
Forced laughter
Most of the time, a good joke needs no introduction. One of the keys is the element of surprise. You don’t want the other person to see the punch line coming. My wife introduces her jokes and humorous stories with, “I’m going to tell you a joke” or “I need to share something funny that happened to me today.” What she’s really saying is, “I’d like you to laugh after I tell you this.”
Her approach is brilliant because it gets a double laugh almost every time. I often start laughing right away because her upfront request is humorous enough. And if the punch line isn’t very funny, or if I’ve heard the joke before, I fake laugh, and then we both crack up. We’re so good at the fake laughter and do it so often that it turns into genuine laughter soon enough.
Laughter in the grind
As time passes, the grind of life can become grueling and exhausting. In the midst of our labor, King Solomon reminds us to enjoy life together: “Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 9:9). God did not give you a spouse to cause you exhaustion. He gave you your spouse so you could navigate the grind of life together.
When Amy and I are in a rush to get out of the house, or if the kids or dogs need our attention, I intentionally hold back on the jokes. Yet moments of laughter can provide a welcome break in the routine of the daily grind.
Healing laughter in marriage
Laughter can help us cope with difficult seasons and stages of life, but there is a time and place for joking. Amy and I are careful never to use humor to avoid hard conversations. Humor can often defuse tension and conflict, but if we take things too far, jokes can easily turn to sarcasm. At least in our marriage, we’ve found that sarcasm does not build intimacy. Good-hearted humor does. A couple can choose to either allow what life throws at them to bring them down or maintain a sense of humor in the midst of it.
The humanity of laughter
Humor helps us lighten up and not take ourselves so seriously. Yet Amy and I are careful to avoid humor that involves name-calling and references to looks or appearances. There are plenty of times we need to be serious in life, but taking ourselves too seriously can be draining. And while making fun of yourself can make you more relatable, making fun of your spouse is a terrible strategy for building intimacy.
For example, 25 years of marriage hasn’t stopped me from modeling my wardrobe for Amy as I’m getting dressed. I have been known to strut like a New York runway model and give my wife “the smolder.” Don’t know what the smolder is? It’s a tilt of the head, a raise of the left eyebrow and a whimsical, sexy pucker of the lips. But trust me, when I do the smolder, there is nothing sexy about it.
