Shabbat N'Kabla - Receiving Shabbat Tazria-Metzora

שבת נקבלה

Shabbat N’kabla:

Receiving Shabbat Tazria-Metzora

Share Shabbat With TBZ From Home

Dear TBZ community:

My younger daughter has been asking a lot about death recently. I am not surprised of course, she is developmentally in the right stage to ask these questions. In addition, it is clear that during these times, she has become attuned to my experiences -- listening to me lead shiva miniyanim and Zoom memorial services, overhearing phone conversations with people who have lost dear ones or simply becoming aware of the news all around us.

I have been open and honest about death with both my children. We talk about it in a realistic, developmentally appropriate and calm way. We take them to funerals and shiva visits when appropriate and we share sadness around the deaths of those close to us.

Three of their grandparents died, and as we share the stories of their lives, questions about their death arises. I am always moved by the insights I learn from my daughters when they ask questions and then they try to process the conversation. Just last week, the conversation with the little one was about where people go after they die. I shared that the body goes to the ground and back to the earth with the trees and plants, and the soul - the part that is inside of us - goes back to God. She concluded then, that we go back to our heart, because God is in our heart.

After my father died, a member of our community gifted me with one of the most helpful books I read during my mourning period: “ The Orphaned Adult: Understanding and coping with grief and change after the death of our Parents” by Alexander Levy. Levy writes that when you lose both of your parents, no matter how old you are, you become an orphan, a concept that we often only think for young children. Levy also observes that in our society, we avoid speaking or dealing with death. Levy writes: “We in Western culture currently consider death formidable and avoidable. We avoid thinking about it. We avoid preparing for it. We almost never talk about it and when we do, we avoid saying its name (…)We avoid looking at death directly, as if trying to avoid eye contact with the playground bully, in the belief that if he doesn’t notice us, he’ll leave us alone. And yet the more we try to avoid facing the bully, the more menacing he becomes.”

This week, we read a double parsha. Parshiot Tazria- Metzora , God instructs Moses about the purification rituals for mothers following childbirth. God then describes to Moses and Aaron the procedures for identifying and responding to those infected with tzaraat (a skin disease, often translated as leprosy). In Metzora, God describes the purification ritual for people and homes afflicted with skin diseases; God also instructs Moses and Aaron regarding the laws of the emission of bodily fluids. The parsha deals specifically with quarantine and physical distancing during a disease and then defines the rituals of coming back to the community after fourteen days have passed. For the first time, many of the rituals in this parsha feel somehow relevant to the here-and-now.

Rabbi Lauren Eichler Berkun writes about the laws and rituals found in this parsha: “These laws are part of a broader symbolic system, which highlights the power of confronting mortality and the subsequent need to ritualize the reaffirmation of life. Many scholars concur that life/death symbolism is the underlying principle behind the biblical purity system. According to this theory, one becomes impure upon contact with death or with the loss of potential life (...) The biblical purity system proclaims that our confrontations with the temporal nature of life leave a deep spiritual imprint — from conception to birth to illness to death. At every stage in life, we acknowledge and ritualize our encounters with death. Then we embrace and immerse in life anew”.

As we go through this pandemic, for many, death feels closer than it has been felt in the past. With dear ones dying from COVID 19 or by just following the news cycle and the numbers of death in the country, in our state, in our little towns. And probably for many this brings anxiety, about our own life, the life of our older family members, and friends.

But as hard as this is, I believe that It Is Time to Talk about Death. Last month there was an opinion piece in the New York times that spoke to this in a profound and beautiful way. Sunita Puri , MD wrote: “Talking about death is ultimately talking about life — about who and what matters to us, and how we can live well even when we are dying. Rather than being motivated by fear and anxiety, we can open these discussions from a place of care and concern.” In this piece, she encourages people to have conversations about death and death wishes, as a way to honor life and our loved ones.

The Conversation Project is a phenomenal resource to help people to have these conversations. The Conversation Project is dedicated to helping people talk about their wishes for end-of-life care in addition it now offers specific resources around COVID19. I know this is hard, but I also know that having these conversations is meaningful and valuable and necessary. Please know that Reb Moshe and I are available to support you in this. Reach out to either of us, if you wish to talk.

Initially these conversations may be scary, but we can give ourselves, and our loved ones, the profound gift of talking about death with clarity, calm and kindness, because when we talk about death, we talk about life - our lives, our values, our needs and fears, and our love.

With blessings for a healthy and sweet new month.

May this Shabbat bring blessings to all of you and your loved ones.

May we find strength, courage, patience and open our heart with generosity.

May all those who are ill find healing.

May we have a joyful Shabbat!

Shabbat Shalom and Hodesh Tov,

Rav Claudia

P:S: I invite you to use this Shabbat as an opportunity to stop for a bit. I know technology is a life saver for all of us now, but perhaps consider using technology intentionally and for the sake of connection and friendship. Please see the resources we have created to celebrate Shabbat together as a community from home below. Go for a walk, read a book, talk with someone you love, sleep, sing, jump high and laugh.

Celebrate Shabbat with TBZ from home:

ZOOM to Kabbalat Shabbat

Friday April 24, 6:00-7:15pm

ZOOM LINK HERE

By Phone: 1 929 436 2866, Meeting ID: 382 452 878, Password: 813275

We will be using a one page Siddur made for today, you can find that page HERE . You may want to have your candles, your kiddush cup and your challah (or any bread) available to join us saying the blessings.

Shabbat Day

We invite you to spend the day of Shabbat in reflection, learning, and family.

As you know we encourage not using technology on Shabbat, but if, at this time, technology will be helpful for you to stay connected and celebrate shabbat, we offer these resources for you: