“Forgiveness”

         In the book of Genesis, chapter 50, Joseph explains his forgiveness of his brothers to his brothers. They had sold him into slavery, told their father that he was dead; and it seems they showed no remorse for their actions, made no attempt to ever make things right. Even years later when they found their way to Joseph, after he made his identity known to them, they still didn’t apologize. Only later when their father had died, when they worried that Joseph would finally seek revenge did they show any remorse, weeping as they fell down to Joseph and claimed themselves as slaves. And when that happens, Joseph makes one of the greatest pronouncements of faith I have ever heard. In what is seen as the first great human act of forgiveness recorded in the Torah, Joseph forgave his brothers, noting that what they had intended for harm, God intended for good.     

         Using a psychological term, Rabbi Evan Moffic explains that Joseph reframed what had happened to him at the hand of his family members, even though they still never apologized. Even though they never fully confessed the weight of their actions.

         I am not as magnanimous as Joseph. I am able to acknowledge that God can take what has harmed or injured me and make something good from it; I sometimes operate with that much faith; I’m just not that quick to forgive. I’d like to be. I’m working on it. But for now, it just doesn’t happen so completely.

         Forgiveness is neither simple nor easy. And yet, it remains one of the clearest routes to joy and wholeness. It is, as most of us know, the gift we actually give ourselves, not the one who has harmed us.

         In their writings in The Book Of Joy, Archbishop Desmond Tutu and the Dalia Lama note that forgiveness is one of the pillars of joy. They write that forgiveness is one of the ways we find and maintain joy in our lives. Desmond Tutu writes, “Forgiveness is the only way to heal ourselves and to be free from the past. Without forgiveness, we remain tethered to the person who harmed us. We are bound to the chains of bitterness, tied together, trapped. Until we can forgive the person who has harmed us, that person will hold the keys to our happiness, that person will be our jailor. When we forgive, we take back control of our own fate and our feelings. We become our own liberator.”

         But Tutu also understood that sometimes forgiveness cannot be given. Sometimes it’s just not there as much as we might like to follow in Joseph’s footsteps. And for these times he wrote what he called, the prayer before the prayer of forgiveness. It has been helpful for me for many years. I share it with you today, in hopes it is helpful for you.

         “I want to be willing to forgive but I dare not ask for the will to forgive in case you give it to me and I am not yet ready. I am not ready for my heart to soften. I am not ready to be vulnerable again, not ready to see there is humanity in my tormentor’s eyes or that the one who hurt me may also have cried. I am not yet ready for my journey. I am not yet interested in the past. I’m at the prayer before the prayer of forgiveness. Grant me the will to want to forgive. Grant it to me not yet, but soon.”

         Wherever you are on your journey of faith, able to forgive or not quite there yet, may you find courage and strength in your faith while also finding compassion for yourself.

You are the light of the world.

Yours,

Lynne