Dear TBZ community:
The day after September 11, I went to see one of my teachers and mentors during my rabbinical school years and as I burst into tears I remember saying to him, “the world has come to an end, how can we keep going?” I wept, I couldn’t breath, I couldn't imagine how there would be a next day.
Even though at that time I wasn’t living in the States, and my connection to this country was through dear friends living in New York City and the American rabbinical students who were with me in Jerusalem, I felt the devastation of September 11th throughout my body and soul, for I knew too well the shock of hearing about a bomb that it has killed a loved one, killed your parent. I knew too well the process and the struggle to comprehend how a terrorist attack could have happened in a place that you never imagined it could. I knew too well, the feeling of trying to grasp the horrifying idea that there is so much hatred in the world and that there are human beings who manufacture complicated plans in order to kill innocent people who are simply trying to go through their day.
My teacher held me and let me cry. He tried to say something like, “the world has not come to an end” but I don’t think he believed that either.
The feeling, and at times the conviction, that there is no way out of so much devastation, pain and evil, is something that I experience more often that I would want, but I have also learned to cope with it. I have come to understand that it is a kind of PTSD of my own experience of terrorism and death.
Parashat Nitzvaim, is always relevant to this time of the year, prior to the High Holiday. It teaches about the possibility to choose, choosing good over evil, choosing life over death.
רְאֵ֨ה נָתַ֤תִּי לְפָנֶ֙יךָ֙ הַיּ֔וֹם אֶת־הַֽחַיִּ֖ים וְאֶת־הַטּ֑וֹב וְאֶת־הַמָּ֖וֶת וְאֶת־הָרָֽע
See, I set before you this day life and good, death and evil.
Humankind has choices, and so much of the tragedy of these times is because of the choices that we make.
As we live during times filled with pain, sorrow and death, there is a lack of responsibility from the higher offices of our country and we are all suffering the price of that irresponsibility. I know I find myself thinking once again - “This is it, the world has come to an end. It can’t get worse.”
In the past four years, I have felt this despair not only when there are threats of terrorism and bomb atttacks. I have felt it when I have seen children at our borders separated from their parents and put in cages. When I have seen immigrants and asylum seekers dying at sea and on the shores of lands that do not welcome them. When I have seen the most vulnerable abandoned to their own peril. When I have seen fires devastate the land. When I have seen people of color killed, simply because they are humans of color. I weep and cry for all these injustices and pain. I weep and cry for my own daughters for whom I want, desperately, to have a different world and better reality for them.
And then…amidst this devastation, I see beauty, and compassion -- I see people fighting for justice and I see communities that care, deeply and truly. I see possibility and hope and laughter.
I see teshuva as a path for redemption and blessing.
This week's parshiot names are a reminder.
The first parasha is Nitzvaim - You stand. You stop.
The second parasha is Vayelech- And they walked, they moved.
In a way these two words hold reverse ideas. The first expresses the state of standing and stopping and the other movement and moving on.
The times of Elul and the High Holidays are times to stop, to see, to weep, to pray, to cry out, but we don’t just stay in those feelings, we move on, we walk forward, we look into the future knowing that we can make choices for goodness, for life and we can walk toward the possibility of a brighter future.
We remember today all those who were killed on 9/11. We hold their memories. We stop for them today and then we move on, because the world is not coming to an end, the world is celebrating its birthday and 5781 is coming, and we pray that 5781 is coming with blessings, with health, with the possibility of renewal, with less tragedy and more compassion. We must continue to make choices -- choices for goodness and for life.
May this Shabbat bring blessings to all of you and your loved ones.
May we find strength, courage, patience and open our heart with generosity.
May all those who are ill find healing.
May we have a joyful and restful Shabbat!
