Dear TBZ community:
Dear TBZ community:
Community has become a life saver for many of us during these trying times. We have found ways to stay connected and be immersed in our community life even when we can’t physically be together. Not only is our TBZ calendar filled with programs, classes, social events, panels and other opportunities to (distantly) gather, but we are doing our best to be present for each other -- celebrating milestones, comforting the mourner or just checking in with each other. Technology has been a great tool, but it is not just the technology that keeps us connected; it is our need and our desire to be in community. I have heard from many of you that although you always knew that belonging to a community, to TBZ, was important, now, more than ever, you feel that it is not only important but it is essential.
Parshat Emor
which we read this week, focuses on special regulations of the priests, the
kohanim
. The parsha sets the
kohanim
apart from the Israelites by means of symbolic obligations, restrictions and abstentions in their lives. One of the limitations put on them is their ability to participate in the mourning of their families. A regular
kohen
is allowed to participate only in the burial of his immediate relatives and the
kohen gadol
may not even bury his own parents so as not to become impure and unable to serve in the Temple.
The Mishnah in Sanhedrin 2:1
explains these restrictions:
מֵת לוֹ מֵת, אֵינוֹ יוֹצֵא אַחַר הַמִּטָּה, אֶלָּא הֵן נִכְסִין וְהוּא נִגְלֶה, הֵן נִגְלִין וְהוּא נִכְסֶה, וְיוֹצֵא עִמָּהֶן עַד פֶּתַח הָעִיר, דִּבְרֵי רַבִּי מֵאִיר
רַבִּי יְהוּדָה אוֹמֵר, אֵינוֹ יוֹצֵא מִן הַמִּקְדָּשׁ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (ויקרא כא) וּמִן הַמִּקְדָּשׁ לֹא יֵצֵא
וּכְשֶׁהוּא מְנַחֵם אֲחֵרִים, דֶּרֶךְ כָּל הָעָם עוֹבְרִין בָּזֶה אַחַר זֶה וְהַמְמֻנֶּה מְמַצְּעוֹ בֵּינוֹ לְבֵין הָעָם
וּכְשֶׁהוּא מִתְנַחֵם מֵאֲחֵרִים, כָּל הָעָם אוֹמְרִים לוֹ אָנוּ כַפָּרָתְךָ, וְהוּא אוֹמֵר לָהֶן תִּתְבָּרְכוּ מִן הַשָּׁמָיִם
וּכְשֶׁמַּבְרִין אוֹתוֹ, כָּל הָעָם מְסֻבִּין עַל הָאָרֶץ וְהוּא מֵסֵב עַל הַסַּפְסָל
If any of his near kin die he may not follow after the bier, rather when the bearers are not visible, he is visible, when they are visible he is not visible, and he may go out with them as far as the city gate, according to Rabbi Meir.
Rabbi Judah says, “He may not leave the Temple, as it says, “Nor shall he go out of the Sanctuary”.
And when he comforts other mourners the custom is for all of the people to pass by, the one after the other, while the appointed [priest] stands between him and the people.
And when he receives comfort from others, all the people say to him, “Let us be your atonement”, and he says to them, “May you be blessed by Heaven.” When they feed him the funeral meal all the people sit around on the ground and he sits on a stool.
Rabbi Meir seems to limit the prohibition by saying that the
kohen gadol
can take part, in a modified way, in the funeral procession of his close relatives. Rabbi Yehudah, in contrast, takes a more rigorous perspective and says that no under circumstances may the
kohen gadol
leave the Temple area. As long as he is serving in his role as
kohen gadol
, he must remain quarantined in the Temple.
I have never related to this passage before, but now, in our new reality, it takes another meaning. During these times of physical distancing, funerals and shiva have looked so different. In the best case scenario, I have been able to join families at small graveside, live-streamed, funeral ceremonies. On other occasions even that has not been possible. Technology has allowed us to have Zoom funerals or Zoom memorial services. Sadly, many now know what it feels like to see our loved ones die alone and then not be able to be surrounded by loved ones and to mourn in community.
Two weeks ago in Parshat Shemini Aharon was confronted with the sudden death of his sons, Nadav and Avihu. Aharon’s response to the tragedy is silence,
We read in
Leviticus 10:3:
וַיֹּ֨אמֶר מֹשֶׁ֜ה אֶֽל־אַהֲרֹ֗ן הוּא֩ אֲשֶׁר־דִּבֶּ֨ר יְהוָ֤ה ׀ לֵאמֹר֙ בִּקְרֹבַ֣י אֶקָּדֵ֔שׁ וְעַל־פְּנֵ֥י כָל־הָעָ֖ם אֶכָּבֵ֑ד וַיִּדֹּ֖ם אַהֲרֹֽן׃
Then Moses said to Aaron, “This is what the LORD meant when God said: Through those near to Me I show Myself holy, And gain glory before all the people.” And Aaron was silent.
We do not know exactly what Aharon’s silence was about but perhaps as a
kohen
who was not allowed to mourn his children fully, who had to restrict himself, who had to continue doing his duties as a priest, perhaps his silence was a cry of deep loneliness. A loneliness not unlike many in our community are feeling now. A loneliness of not being able to share our mourning with others, not being able to be embraced by friends, not being able to be held and cry.
Though no Zoom shiva or funeral can replace being together in times of mourning, or substitute for a warm hug or lending our arms to cry, we can do what we can to facilitate a sense of nearness and community. This is true for the sad moments and it is also true for the joyous ones, the birthdays, the anniversaries, the births. We can continue to do our utmost effort to be with each other in community, reaching out in comfort and in celebration. We can continue strengthening our community and our relationships. It is incumbent upon each of us to make an effort to be there for each other, from a safe distance. We can call and we can virtually be there.
Every weekday morning we meet for Boker Tov TBZ. During that 30 minutes, we start the day with the morning
tefillah
with time for reflection and connection. As our practice is, we sing the words
הֲרֵינִי מְקַבֵּל עָלַי אֶת מִצְוַת הַבּוֹרֵא,וְאָהַבְתָּ לְרֵעֲךָ כָּמוֹךָ:
Hareini mekabel alai , et mitzvat haboreh, v’ahavtah l’rei’achah kamocha
I take upon myself, the Mitzvah ,“To love your neighbor as yourself”
I often say as we prepare to sing these words, that although we are not able to walk around the sanctuary, shake hands, and embrace each other with
Shabbat Shalom
, as our custom is at TBZ every Shabbat, I encourage you to do one thing today, one phone call to someone from our community. Reach out to someone, not necessarily someone you know well, or you know at all, and simply say “Hi, my name is …. I am from TBZ and I wanted to know how you are doing.” I invite us all to do this today, before Shabbat or any day.
This is what community does, this is what community is.
Let's continue strengthening our community and each other.
May this Shabbat bring blessings to all of you and your loved ones.
May we find strength, courage, patience and open our heart with generosity.
May all those who are ill find healing.
May we have a joyful Shabbat!
